Kasumi: Let’s talk about Star Wars. I can see why it’s a classic.

Aquila: It was superb.  Just a great story, and a lovely science fiction fairy tale.

K: And that last battle was really suspenseful.

A: Yeah...it’s just a pity the Death Star design was so bad.  It’s a terrible superweapon.

K: Well, the story did need a way for the heroes to destroy it.

A: It’s not that.  Giant superweapons being easily destroyed due to design flaws is a standard villain thing.  You wouldn’t believe how many heroes would be dead right now if it wasn’t for crippling design flaws in the equipment.  No, it’s not that at all.

K: Okay, then...what is the problem with the Death Star?

A: It’s it obvious?  It’s a giant ball.

K: I don’t think I’m following you.

A: Kasumi, an evil planet-destroying superweapon isn’t going to inspire terror if it doesn’t look the part!  You want people to look up in the sky, see the superweapon, and think “Oh no, the Empire is going to blow me up!”  But, the Death Star showing up in the sky isn’t going to do that...it’s going to make them think, “Oh dear, I haven’t played basketball in a while.  I should set up a game!”

K: I think you may be mistaken there...

A: Okay, maybe it will be soccer.  But the point stands – this isn’t a battle station that’s going to inspire fear...it’s going to be a massive reminder of the importance and fun of sports!  Great for fitness, bad at intimidation.

K: I really don’t think that’s the effect it would have.

A: I mean, really, it’s a lost opportunity for the Empire.  All they’d need to do is paint it to look the part, and they’d have the greatest fitness poster in the galaxy!  A giant basketball shows up in the sky over Alderan, and two weeks later everybody is getting in shape on the basketball court!  It’s a win-win!  The Alderanians would be so busy playing basketball that none of them would have any time for rebellion, the Empire wouldn’t need to blow anything up, and as an added bonus nobody would have to worry about heart attacks!

K: Right...moving on, let’s talk about the characters.

A: Okay.  I’ve got to mention the sheer courage of the bravest man in the galaxy.

K: You mean Luke Skywalker?

A: Skywalker?  Absolutely not!  I’m talking about Darth Vader.

K: Darth Vader?  Are you serious?

A: Absolutely!  Think about it for a moment – the man has to use a life support system no matter where he goes.  And where are the buttons controlling his breathing unit?  On his chest!

K: He’s a Sith Lord.  I don’t think that panel puts him in danger.

A: Sure it does!  He’s walking around with a big glowing “off” button on his chest that everybody can see!  If he gets into a fight with a Jedi, they’ll just use the force to press the button.  If he’s near an explosion, the flying debris can hit it and turn him off.  If he slips on a banana peel, the impact will shut down his breather.  Darth Vader is taking his life into his hands the minute he leaves his house!

K: I don’t think banana peels are a thing Darth Vader needs to worry about.

A: Kasumi, banana peels are thing everybody has to worry about.  They’re insidious, and sneaky, and they just appear out of nowhere in front of you on your way to the store.

K: Okay then...so what’s stopping him from just turning it back on?

A: Bad design.  They’re movie villains, remember?  The unit probably explodes the moment it’s turned off.

K: Right...let’s wrap up.  Who’s your candidate for best girl?

A: The mouse droid.

K: Really?

A: The poor thing got scared by a big mean wookie!  Somebody needs to give it a piece of cheese.

K: Okay...to sum up, we liked Star Wars, and apparently the Empire should be more into sports.