Kasumi: I’m still not sure why you insisted we watch it.
A: I thought it would be an adventure story, like Indiana Jones – lots of action, and danger, and magical artifacts at the end. I wasn’t expecting...that.
K: It is a show for Western pre-schoolers. I think there’s a limit to how much danger they can depict.
A: But apparently not horror. The world they’re in is terrifying!
K: I’m not sure I follow you.
A: There’s somebody watching them at all times, and they know it! It’s the ultimate surveillance...um...wilderness.
K: I think that’s a conceit to help pre-schoolers practice their language skills. They’re being prompted to interact with the characters using their words.
A: And they need those pre-schoolers prompting them to do anything! Dora and Boots are in the middle of a, um, moderately dangerous jungle, and she has to rely on the decisions made by an age group with little to no impulse control.
K: I’m pretty sure that’s not a big problem for her.
A: And then there’s the massive handicap that she and her friends have to overcome every minute of every day.
K: Handicap?
A: Their eyesight. Isn’t it obvious? They can’t see a thing, not even Boots, that talking monkey who is always with her! They need help finding everything, no matter how big or close it is. They’re basically legally blind.
K: Again, I think that’s more a conceit so that the pre-schoolers can practice using their words.
A: This is the horror of a world without corrective lenses! Small children wandering around jungles, calling out for help to an audience of other small children who only a year ago were banging and throwing anything they could get their hands on to see what sound it makes...an existence of constant suspense and fear! And that’s just the main characters – think about...the map.
K: What about the map?
A: It can talk, and sing!
K: Well, again, it is a show for pre-schoolers.
A: Kasumi, it’s sentient. Think of the horror of its existence! It spends most of its time in solitary confinement and darkness, and the only time it sees daylight is when it is brought out to give directions. And it does that happily! How much torture did it go through before it was broken? How much Stockholm Syndrome must it experience? And, there’s no hope for it – no rescue will ever come!
K: But it’s friends with the backpack...and it has its own pocket...and it can poke its head out whenever it wants and talk to people...
A: That’s just a reward for good behaviour! Think about it, Kasumi – the backpack is both its jail and jailer...it’s truly insidious!
A: That’s just a reward for good behaviour! Think about it, Kasumi – the backpack is both its jail and jailer...it’s truly insidious!
A: And then there’s...the fox.
K: What, you mean Swiper?
A: Absolutely! He’s one of the only ones in that world who can see. And what does he use that power for? Stealing things from poor blind children and animals and traumatized talking maps! And he doesn’t even keep what he steals – he just tosses them into the forest and laughs at them...and the only thing that can stop him is repeating a single sentence three times!
K: Yeah, you’re definitely over-thinking this.
A: I couldn’t believe it, so I had to go see it for myself.
K: Sorry, what?
A: Well, the night after we watched all those episodes, I took a quick trip into that story world. I made sure I had my coffee thermos, so I’d be wide awake and able to face all those horrors.
K: Wait, so if you went there...did you meet Dora?
A: Um...not Dora.
K: So you met...?
A: The fox.
K: Swiper?
A: Yes. And he approached me with clear malicious intent.
K: What happened?
A: Well, I stood my ground, and said the words to stop him: “Swiper, no stealing! Swiper, no stealing! Swiper, no stealing!”
K: That doesn’t sound right. Isn’t the line “Swiper, no swiping!”?
A: Yes...I realize that now. On a semi-related note, I need a new thermos.
K: Okay then...wrapping up, who’s your candidate for best girl?
A: I’ve got three: the Fiesta Trio.
K: The mariachi band?
A: Their songs are REALLY catchy! Now, about that thermos...
K: ...So, to sum up, we liked Dora the Explorer, and apparently Dora and Boots need glasses.
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