There's been lots of times where I tried creative projects that are silly, fun, or lighthearted. Even with darker works, I could still add in some humour at choice points. I could make it fun.

But I've been having a problem doing that for awhile, now. I think the main reason is because of what happened in my past relationships. Any work I create turns serious and draining. I find myself telling the same story over and over, regardless of what the story was supposed to start as. The story is about someone leaving their shitty past behind, but the past seems to just keep boomeranging back at them one way or another and the main character has to learn how to deal with that. Maybe a terrible person keeps trying to contact them, maybe the main character ends up in the same place as before, or maybe there's the whole Battle Within. Over and over again. And it's like... what are they even gonna do? What can they do?

It doesn't help that I still haven't gotten the callback from the Mental Help place. It's been over two months, now. I plan to try approaching them again, but I remember the last meeting where they just told me to do breathing and meditation and shit. Stuff I've already tried and never got at the source. I told them that but they just acted like they didn't hear me. I get that there's been a health crisis in canada, and I'm glad we've finally acknowledged it, but it's likely going to take a few years before everything settles, again. Until then, I might just be on my own.

On the plus side, I just found a storyboarding course. I'm taking it because if I'm going to tell this story my head keeps cycling back to, then I can try to tell it properly. I've been using this to tell the story, but I guess my mind wants something more visual, too. Or maybe that it wants to explore what we can do about a past that seems to keep coming back to us. All I'm really doing here with these journals is recording my thoughts, which isn't really solving the problem.