I spend the next few days in mental chaos, over-thinking everything and trying, without much success, to make sense of what we’d done, how we had reacted to each other and my feelings about it.

It was, by far, the most erotic experience of my life and the orgasm had been mind-blowing. Paul clearly didn’t seem to have a problem with it, but I was still a bit conflicted. I didn’t want to be seen to be taking advantage of his youth. Paul was right though. I wasn’t a teacher or guardian or anything. I wasn’t in authority and he wasn’t in my care so my fears really were unfounded. He was also adamant that he wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to do. And, obviously, he had seemed to enjoy what we had done.

There was stuff online, and where else would I look, that suggested that men masturbating together was a pretty common occurrence, particularly between young men, but I couldn’t quite shake the age gap out of my thoughts. I wasn’t a young man or a teenager. I was practically middle aged and such a big age gap was surrounded by negativity. I knew, deep down, that Paul was old enough to be free to make his own decisions, but I still fretted about it.

Then there was the, well, gayness of it. Paul had wanted to watch me and look at my cock just as much as I wanted to watch and look at him. I knew I’d been more turned on by the guy in the video than by the girl, but watching Paul had been an even bigger cause for arousal.

Even though we hadn’t touched each other, we had been pretty close and had both taken the opportunity to get a real good look at one another’s equipment. Talking about our differences and similarities while we wanked together had, to a degree, taken the edge of the overt sexiness of the thing, but it was still the most erotic thing I’d ever done.

I just couldn’t escape the thoughts swirling in my head. Paul was so cute and so, well, sexy. His cock was nice and plenty big enough to satisfy any of my fantasies. Did he look at me the same way? Did he see my erection and dream of touching it, tasting it?

The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that, if Paul wanted to do it again, I would want to, too. Sadly, overthinking is a pernicious state of mind and my thoughts were still full of doubt and endless reasons why Paul would be embarrassed or ashamed of what we had been doing.

He was probably just a normal, straight guy, given a chance to experiment a little by some pervy older man, but still happy to take advantage of some big-screen porn and have a good wank.

 

I have to admit, I was actually surprised by just how keen Paul was to come round again for a movie night. If I had any thoughts that he may have been hiding from being embarrassed by our episode, he showed no sign of it when he messaged to see if I would be in on the following Saturday evening.

Half way through a movie that we had both seen before and neither of us was particularly enjoying, Paul broke the silence. “Can we stop this and watch some more porn?”

“Sure, if you want to. I’m bored with this film anyway.”

“Do you mind if I get comfortable then,” he asked quietly. He was already slipping his shoes and socks off, but when I nodded, he unbuttoned his jeans and dropped them on to the floor, sitting back down in just his boxers and t-shirt. He hadn’t even pressed play on the video and I could see that he was already getting aroused.

By the time he did start the video, I was similarly getting hard and dripping pre-come into my pubic hair, a wet spot appearing on the front of my joggers after just a few seconds. I still had my joggers on, but I was going commando beneath them and I slipped my t-shirt over my head to toss it on to the floor beside Paul’s jeans.

Paul fast-forwarded through the prelims and went straight to the hard-core action. As soon as he put the keyboard down, he slipped his hand into his boxers and began to stroke himself.

I was already getting wet enough to make a mess and I just slipped my joggers down my legs and kicked them off. My cock practically leapt in to my hand and I began to stroke myself with long, even movements.

Paul somehow managed to get his boxers off while keeping his hand on his shaft and sat alongside me, stroking to match my pace.

“Alan, can I…” his breath caught for a second. “Can I touch you?”

“Only if I can touch you at the same time?” I managed to whisper back.

As he was sitting to my right, he slowly reached across the few inches between us with his left hand and, moving my own hand aside, gently took a firm hold of my shaft, right below the glans, his fingers only just touching his palm. I used my right hand to reach over and similarly grasp him firmly.

We both began to stroke, the sensations so different than our own accustomed grips and movements. Paul slid his thumb over the tip of my cock, rubbing around the slit with my natural lubricant while I gently retracted his foreskin and let it slip back repeatedly.

A sudden thought came over me. I really wanted more. I wanted to experience more and feel more. I could already feel the inescapable beginnings of my climax, now coming inexorably and I could only imagine that Paul was similarly close. “Paul, I want…”

“What…?” he moaned.

I couldn’t find the words, so I acted. I slipped his hand from my shaft and rolled towards him and down to my knees on the floor. With no more thought, I leaned down to him and took the end of his hard cock into my mouth, closing my lips around the shaft and sucking on him hungrily. I bobbed my head a couple of times, taking him as deep as I felt comfortable with.

Paul’s hand landed on my shoulder and pushed down hard as he groaned and ejaculated deep into my throat. With my lips still tight around his shaft, I felt each pulse of his orgasm and swallowed a couple of times as he finished. I grabbed my throbbing shaft and, after only a few strokes, sprayed my own come all over the front of the leather sofa, drips falling to the floor between my knees.

I let Paul’s softening cock slip from my mouth and rested my head on his hip while I caught my breath.

“I guess I now know what you wanted?” Paul asked as his hand moved through my hair gently.

“Yeah. I knew that we were close, but I thought this might be the only chance I ever got to see what it was like to taste another guy. Sorry. I should have asked sooner and made a better job of it.”

“No, I should be sorry, I came in your mouth and didn’t warn you. Isn’t that bad sex etiquette or something?”

“Well, I didn’t give you time to warn me or say no. I’m pretty sure that I wanted you to come in my mouth, so no need to apologise.” I took a chance and kissed his thigh gently and slowly started to plant kisses across his belly and up his chest. “Was it good though?”

“Oh Fuck, yes!” he brushed his lips gently across the top of my head as I slid my tongue around the edge of his nipple. “But I’m intrigued by it now. I think that I want to try and do it for you as well.”

“Well, I want to do it again, but properly from the start. Just relax for a moment though, I’ll need a minute or two to recover.”

“Oh, you want to go again tonight?”

“If you feel up to it. I know I can recover and get hard again soon enough, what about you?”

“Well, yes, but I might need more than a couple of minutes.”

“Okay, pass me the towel for this mess I’ve made and we can just sit and watch the video until we both feel ready for another round.”

“Are you okay?” I ask as we lie naked together on the couch just a few moments later. “I should have asked, but I couldn’t resist. You didn’t mind me doing that, did you?”

“Actually, I’m more than okay. I wanted to do more than just watch you or touch you, but didn’t know how to ask.”

“Oh, good. If we’re now properly asking for the required permissions and stuff, can I ask something while we recover.”

“Sure, ask away.”

“It might be too much, too gay or whatever, even after what we’ve just done, but can I kiss you, on the mouth?”

“Oh, God, I thought you’d never ask. If you only knew how long I’ve wanted to kiss you for.” He sighs.

As Paul’s head turns down towards me and my chin comes up, our lips touch ever so softly, almost undetectable over our tense breathing. His hand comes around my shoulder so he can bring me in closer as our lips touch again, firmer this time, mouths slightly open. Soon our mouths are locked together, lips apart as our tongues explore each other.

Our hands are exploring our bodies, gently caressing and touching all over as we continue to kiss deeply. It’s getting hard to breathe evenly and I’m conscious that my arousal is returning, as is Paul’s.

“Erm… Ahh… This really is very gay. Is that a problem?” I manage as we break slightly apart.

“I hadn’t thought about it, but I’ve wanted to get to know you for years now, possibly even since that day when you delivered our new computer. There’s something about you. I… I guess I’m attracted to you.”

“What, you thought I might be gay? I didn’t think I gave of those vibes?”

“Well, yes, Alan, you actually do. You have to look closely, but I can see it in you.”

“And you wanted that?”

“Honestly, yes. I quite like older guys and I think I like you.” He blushes a little at his admission, but continues anyway. “I don’t mean you’re old, just more mature and, well, less like a school kid!”

“Hey Paul, it’s okay!” I kiss him again to reassure him that I understand. “You can see why I was concerned about stepping over an age boundary though?”

“Yes, I can. I understand completely, but we’re cool now?”

“Well, actually, I think you’re pretty hot right now,” I tell him with a big smirk as I move my hand down to stroke his stiffening shaft. “I did wonder if you might be gay, but I’ve never been any good at working this stuff out. Never needed to be really.”

“Obviously I’m gay, I just never did anything about it, until now.” His hand has moved down to my own cock by now and he is gently massaging me to full arousal, something that he doesn’t need to try very hard to achieve. “Oral again? One at a time or both together?”

“Both together sounds incredible,” I manage to whisper as he uses his thumb and finger to draw my foreskin slowly back over my throbbing head. He slides down off the sofa and on to the floor, lying on his back with his knees slightly raised and his legs apart.

Taking my cue, I kneel over his head and get down on all fours above him, balancing to use one hand to wrap around one of his legs and gently massage his balls and the base of his shaft. He’s as hard as iron by now, possibly even longer than before and the tip of his cock is visible as his foreskin tightens and is drawn slightly back by his arousal.

I take him gently into my mouth, once more gripping tightly with my lips, the slightly salty taste of his last orgasm is still on him and I can’t resist licking around his glans to taste all of it. I move my hand on his balls and gently across his taint towards his hole.

For the first time in my life, I feel my own cock enveloped in the moist warmth of someone’s mouth as he draws me slowly in. The bundle of nerves in my cock are overloading my senses as he works me with lips, tongue and the firm grip of one hand on the base of my shaft as the other moves slowly around my hole.

I can tell I’m making pre-come, but Paul simply licks it away and continues to work me with his lips. I try my best to concentrate on doing the same for him, but I know this can’t last long. I’m willing myself not to come, trying to think of anything else, when he taps me on the thigh with a free hand and his cock jerks in my mouth. As the first shot of his load coats my tongue I release as well, pumping spurt after spurt of hot semen deep into his throat. He sucks and licks greedily as I spend myself, forcing me to pull back as the sensation of his tongue around the ridge of my glans becomes too much.

I turn myself around quickly and drop down beside him on the rug. “Are you okay?” I ask him breathlessly.

He uses a finger to draw a dribble of my semen up across his cheek and licks it. Fuck, that’s so sexy and I think Paul knows it. “Yeah, I couldn’t swallow it all. You came so hard and there was so much.” I was worried that he wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but he has a smile on his face. “Obviously, I’ve never done that before. I’ve no idea what I’m doing, or even if I’m doing it right. Was it okay?”

“Okay? It was fucking incredible. You know I don’t know how to do any of this either, I’m just thinking about what I would like and then I do that. You didn’t mind me coming in your mouth?”

“Of course not. Your pre-come tastes amazing, sticky and almost sweet. Your semen, not so much, but it’s not exactly a bad taste. I might get used to it!”

Paul kisses me again and I can taste myself on his lips, just as he can taste himself on mine. “I think I am gay,” I tell him as we rest. “I’ve never thought about it too much, but this feels so comfortable.”

“Well, I’ve known that I was gay since I was about fourteen, I’ve always fancied boys, girls never did it for me at all.”

“Really, I wish I was that sure of myself. Of my sexuality. Of my feelings.”

“Well, I am pretty sure of mine,” Paul continues with a smile. “I was serious earlier. I liked you the first time I saw you, even though I was only a kid. I really fancied you.”

“You really are serious, aren’t you?”

“Yes, totally. I know what I want. I’m not ready to come out yet, but I want you.” Paul seems to think for a moment before continuing. “Are you cool with us keeping this between the two of us for now?”

“Yes. I’m nowhere near ready to be out. I really need to get my thoughts in order. Let’s just spend some time together like we are now and see where life leads us?”

“Do you think this means that we are boyfriends?” he asks slowly, hesitantly.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” I tell him, “But I really like the sound of it, especially when you say it.

“I want to see more of you, Alan. I really do like you and I want us to be boyfriends.”

When Paul is ready to leave, I see him out to the car in the darkness. As I bend down to say goodbye before closing the door, he kisses me gently on the lips, cautiously even though there is nobody to see. We hold the kiss for a few moments, long enough for his hand to come up and lightly brush my cheek.

I feel as if another layer of the shell around me has been cracked, another barrier broken away. For the first time in my life, after years of contented isolation, I’ve been intimate with someone. More importantly, that someone wanted it as much as I did.

Deep down, I feel just how right the whole experience was, just how comfortable being with a man was and there’s the slightest beginning of that realisation. “It’s okay to be gay” that little voice in the back of my mind tells me.