Just as he promised, Malachai explained these lilithim to me in extensive detail. He sat on the floor, opposite me on the couch. I sat with the whale shark nestled between my body and my thighs, the slight scent of honeysuckle it held gave me different memories to float around my head. Everything we’d done, everything I was fine with him doing to me, going a little farther each time. I knew at the end of this, when I was ready, I would be on a table with my chest open, my ribs all over the floor, and my heart in his mouth. In the abstract of my mind, that image was appealing. Having seen it firsthand, though, made it all the more terrifying.

I bit the inside of my lip, unable to keep myself from thinking of it. He said he would savor me, make it enjoyable for me. All of our intimacy could be purely for him to learn what it was I liked the most, to send me to figurative heaven over and over until he sent me to heaven for real. Biting…I adored the biting, the drinking of my blood, the jolt of pain that came with him tearing my flesh from my body. I swallowed, breathing in the yarn and honeysuckle of the handmade animal. It hurt a bit knowing this was the only way he could be close to me with my trauma. Maybe he needed to stop being so cautious, to pin me against a wall, or the floor and—

I stopped myself. This was the problem. I got caught up in carnal desires, letting the pleasure of his bloodsucking cloud that he was a vampire. A creature that could suck me until I was only a bag of bones left. It was possible that was the real fear, that when the time came, I would change my mind and he would resent me. If it wasn’t for that first bite, he may have never decided to help me. If it wasn’t for my high pain tolerance and quicker healing, he may never have asked to own me. It seemed absurd it would be that deep, that I was afraid of being alone, with Shii being the only person to love me unconditionally. I watched him murder a person, claw his way into his chest like an animal. It couldn’t be any deeper than that, I refused to believe it was.

He traced a pattern in the rug, over and over. “The lilithim were...never sealed in the Pit.” He wiped his hand through the pattern. “Lilith can’t leave. The Lilim can only leave if they’re summoned.” He pushed his glasses up. “The lilithim are…spirits. Full of evil. Doing Lilith’s bidding.” He looked around the room, and a feeling of unease made me look around it, too. “They come and go whenever she wants it. Mr. Blaga got caught up in something dangerous…she has her claws in him…he can’t be saved.”

I squeezed my legs closer to my chest, the whale shark getting squished by the force. “Was…Was…Was she i-in you-your head?”

“Yes,” he pulled a locket into view from under his sweater, etched with letters I couldn’t read, “but she can’t get me now. I prayed her away and…and found the locket Mamă gave me.” He tucked it back under his sweater. “She won’t get you, August. Mr. Blaga and I…she considers us lilit, the night creatures. If we’re not careful…she’ll use Samael to pull us to the Pit.” He looked down, thinking hard about my recent question. “The Pit…it’s not a hell. When we die…sinners can’t go there. It’s for Lilith and her demon children and the evil HaShem, God, created to balance the world. Their own little paradise.” He furrowed his brow. “Why she keeps Mr. Blaga alive…why she wants me…I don’t know. I know he will be back when she’s done with him, though.”

“Mala-Mala…chai, would y-you want t-t-to know?” I asked.

He looked down again. “There are some things I’m better off not knowing.” A smile formed on his face, an indication he was done with this topic. “How did you sleep, August?” When I told him I hadn’t, his eyes went wide. “You need to sleep! Use my bed…please.”

I pulled my hood over my head, resting my forehead on my knees. He was right about me needing to sleep. I wasn’t a creature of the night like him, even if he slept for some fleeting semblance of humanity, he didn’t need it, or need as much as humans needed. My thoughts got…weird, too, the longer I went without sleep. Eventually, I told him okay and thanked him. I kept my head down, biting on the ends of my hoodie’s strings. Even if it wasn’t a long sleep, any rest I got would be welcome, I thought until I crawled into his bed. I had never really noticed that it kept his scent, I was too focused in the other things we had gotten up to in it. The slight sweetness of honeysuckle enveloped me, sticking to his pillows, sheets, comforter, and to me. I shut my eyes against it, doing everything I knew to get myself to fall asleep faster, to not think about him or the things we had done.

The fear settled in my stomach. The scene of him tearing into Mr. Blaga’s chest being replaced by smiles, acts of affection, the flavor of his saliva, and the overbearing concern for my safety. It was a little endearing, I had to admit. He would drop everything to rush to my side and make sure I was okay, to do everything in his power to heal any injury, even if it meant he needed to stay away from me for a while. I rolled onto my back, forcing the thoughts away, trying my hardest to keep my mind blank while I focused on breathing. It was in that emptiness, as I was fading off from the realm of the wake, that I heard a voice. A feminine lilt to it, slightly raspy as if mixed with other voices, speaking quietly in a tongue I didn’t know but recognized as one of the foreign languages Malachai knew. Akimiya, wake up, she sang. Akimiya, mi teiru, we’re watching. I shot up, fully awake, soaked in sweat and trembling. I looked around the dim room, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Time had passed, I was aware of that, but the voice was haunting, maybe even more terrifying than watching that gruesome scene. Bring him to me, Akimiya, cold air blew against my ear, and I jumped, hitting the floor and taking half the bedding with me.

Nothing was amiss, there was nobody in the room with me. I pressed my palms to my head, wiping sweat from my forehead while I began to get myself under control. She considers us lilit, he had said. Was it possible, oni fell under her definition of night creatures? Or were we in some sort of gray area allowing her entry into my mind? A knock startled me, twisting myself further in the comforter. “August, are you okay?” The door creaked open, Malachai standing in the doorway. “Can I come in?” My head was pounding, the taste of metal filled my mouth. It was too soon for my horns and fangs to grow back in. This had to be her doing, forcing my oni characteristics to surface to get me to bring Malachai to her. He ran over to me as blood fell out of my mouth, hesitant to comfort me. He cupped my cheeks, “I’m sorry.” His soft voice added to the pounding in my head. He licked the blood from my chin, slipping his tongue between my lips. Any fear I had of him touching me was replaced by searing pain in my skull, by the dull ache of his tongue poking at the four empty spaces in my gums, sucking the blood as it surfaced.

He held my head as he pushed his tongue further into my gums, his glasses beginning to hurt the more they were squished against my face. The pain made it hard to move, his sugary saliva slowly dissolving it. He pulled me into his lap, our bodies flushed. I could feel his slow heartbeat, his sharp intake of air against my chest. “‘a’a’chai,” his tongue stopped for the briefest moment, “‘he i’ ‘y head.”

With one last swallow, he moved away. “She’s in your head?” He licked the corners of his mouth, rubbed his hand at his chin and licked the stray blood. “What did she say?” I repeated her words with his hands under my mouth, catching any and all droplets. “She shouldn’t…I don’t have another locket.”

“I think she’s forcing—kuso!” I pressed my palm to my forehead as it begun to split open.

I felt like I was going to vomit, to die. The dim room was too light, any sound was too loud and unintelligible to me. I curled up, dry heaving, waiting for my life to end. Blood still trickled out of my mouth, mixing with tears of pain. Gauze was stuffed in my mouth, my jaw clenching around it. The room got darker behind my eyes, and then I heard her voice. Each word a stab in my brain as my horns grew in anew. I can make it stop, Akimiya, she cooed. Just bring me Malachai. I tried to ask her why, unsure if I was even able of thought. He’s needed. He’s mine. I screamed as the pain got worse. Do I need a reason, Akimiya? I’m a god compared to you. I told her to shut up, lifting my upper body from the floor.

There was a weight pushing me back down. Someone gripped my head, keeping it against the carpet. Listen, you little…thing, her voice became raspier, almost a hiss but not quite. I could torment you for all eternity if I wished, and I do so very wish to. I opened my eyes to find myself back in Chirizukakaiou’s house. Tsukumogami converged on me, licking every inch of me, my kimono constricted, trapping me in their circle. They bit and tore at my flesh, clawed their way into my chest. They filled me with oily spit, stitched me back together, so I was more object than man, and left me. It was like centuries passed by in a single moment. I became nothing more than a household thing, used until I was broken, then discarded and left to rot in a decaying house. The moment before the despair crushed me, the rage filled me, to turn me into a tsukumogami, it was gone.

I was glued to a chair, Malachai sitting limply across the table from me. A woman stood over him, with porcelain skin. Curled black hair framed her face, crimson eyes barely glanced in my direction. I was mesmerized at her crimson colored lips forming each syllable as she spoke. “What do you see in him, Akimiya?” She cradled his head against her bosom. “He is so unimaginably broken. Bring him to me, let me fix him.” She finally looked at me, blood spilling from my mouth. “Don’t you wonder what he’s hiding? I can show you.”

“Eat shit, lady.” I spat my blood at her. I missed, but the meaning was clear enough.

Suddenly, she was right in front of me, gripping my jaw. “He wants to ravage you. To mate with you, not ‘make love’ or whatever euphemism of the day. He i—” I spit once more, landing the blood and saliva mixture in her open mouth. She slapped me, so hard a tooth came loose. Her fingers pushed against my chest, over my heart. “I was being nice!” The ends of her hair caught fire, slowly spreading until it engulfed it all. “No matter.” The scene dissolved, leaving me with the words, open your eyes forcing their way through the migraine.

Pressure on my chest, I gasped, gulping down air and swallowing blood. The pressure stopped with my breathing, Malachai’s hands poised for CPR. “Thank—August!” His face was filled with worry, slowly melting into relief. “Your heart—a minute—” I coughed, aspirating blood, and he immediately rolled me to my side and hitting my back a few times. “Are you okay?” I asked him for a marker through coughs and a tight throat. When he brought me one, I began drawing copying the symbols and words I had seen on an ofuda for protection on my hand and arm. It wasn’t perfect, but it gave me comfort and hope that for a little while, she would leave me alone.