-----------*-----------

XXth October 18xx

A fleeting thought did occur today but I immediately took hold of it and entertained it and questioned it for quite some time.

As to why I should refrain from speaking with her. I truly do not know why. I simply obeyed because I dared not question him then. And received my first lashes when I disobeyed.

But to go against father's instructions now; will it really be such an awful thing to do? He must have had his reasons, no? Though, it would seem, he intentionally did not share those reasons with me.

What secret is he hiding?

-----

-----------*-----------

XXth October 18xx

Childhood acquaintance met.

Kind words shared. And a much needed listening ear she proved to be.

-----

----------*----------

XXth October 18xx

Everyday. Why do I think of them? I find myself losing my focus when I do. I must not appear weak. Not ever.

----------*----------

I admit I lose focus sometimes and I am forever lost in my thoughts.

Restabilizing the Kingdom falls to me. It is what is most important now. I cannot afford to be distracted and I cannot afford to fail.

I will not fail.

-----

**

**

[Afternoon]

[Southern Kingdom - Queen's Palace]

Marie: And why am I not allowed?

Royal male messenger: Your Majesty, please, His Majesty shall send for you when he is in better health.

Marie: Am I not also charged with caring for him?

Royal male messenger: Most certainly, yes.

Marie: Then, when may I see him?

Royal male messenger: My Queen, please. Apologies. I am only relaying the message as instruc-

Marie: Then, when?

Royal male messenger: I- I am unable to say, Your...muh-

At the sight of her sternly staring at him, the messenger then fell silent.

Gloriam: Marie..

Beside the queen stood Gloriam and she whispered in her cousin's direction. The queen then demanded once more

Marie: When?

Royal male messenger: The- the doctor will visit you when-

With a shake of her head, she stormed away. Leaving not only the messenger but her ladies behind.

The women all hurried to keep pace, when unexpectedly Marie halted and stated

Marie: This is Valentin's way of punishing me. I am most certain of it.

Lady in waiting #3: His Majesty requires rest M'lady. Surely you understand

Lady in waiting #2: My lady? Are you-

Gloriam, approaching from behind, gently touched the lady's arm and gave a little smile, halting the young lady's speech.

Approaching her cousin who stared ahead into the empty hallway before them, she called tenderly

Gloriam: Marie?

She gave reply, addressing no one in particular; her chest heaving as she struggled to speak

Marie: He attempts to further hurt me? -huff- After all..this- I...

Gloriam: ...

Marie: Where are they?! I know he has them -huff- Hiding them away along with himself- -huff- Where are my sons?!... -huff-

In a low voice; Marie, glancing towards her, tearfully questioned

Marie: Gloriam?

Gloriam: ...?

Marie: ...Where are my sons? -huff-

Gloriam: Marie...breathe

Marie: Have they really- have they really left me?

Gloriam: ....

Marie: They can't have--huff- to not ever see them again?

Helplessly Gloriam looked on as her cousin fell to her knees sobbing; clutching at her chest as she struggled to breathe.

Beside her, Gloriam too knelt, her hand upon Marie's shoulder.

The ladies began loudly vocalising their concerns above but Gloriam, leaning towards Marie, heard her utter; her voice shook and words indistinct

Marie: -sob- I hate... him. Truly, I do -sob- I do.

Gloriam: ...

Marie: -sob-

Gloriam: ....

**

**

-----------*-----------

10th October 18xx

Father remains weak from his injuries. The doctors report that he is healing.

However, he remains in his chambers day after day, often intoxicated, from what I have also been told. In his stead I have taken on all responsibilities.

At times, I find it overwhelming. Not only being in the role of a King, but now also having to care for mother. I have not seen her since. Admittedly, intentional but I have my reasons.

-----------*-----------

She has not been herself since his birth month began. He would have been eleven today.

How unfair it seems that everything in existence should carry on; as if nothing happened, but even more so, should everything come to a halt because it has.

I find myself unable to voice their names out loud or even in my mind.

Before, quietness and solitude brought me comfort; however, now the stillness and coldness within these walls appear to make things worse. Not only for myself but for mother as well.

-----

[Next day]

*

[Early Morning]

[Southern Kingdom - Queen's inner bed chamber]

{Why?...My lovely Damian and my little Alex}

{Why?}

Marie: -sigh-

{Am I only meant to mourn?}

Eyes closed, she again sighed heavily.

Golden soft; illuminating the still bedroom, the morning sunlight gently entered through the windows.

Another day.

The sound of doors being opened and hushed voices interrupted the tranquil moment. And at that, Marie quickly wiped her eyes.

Lady in waiting #3: Oh!

The lady exclaimed; surprised to see Marie already awake and seated at the edge of the bed.

Lady in waiting #3: M'lady! Good morning! You're already awake...

Gloriam: How are you feeling?

Of her lowered head the Queen shook slightly as Gloriam drew near. Beside her she sat and concernedly asked

Gloriam: Have you slept?

She replied softly

Marie: a little ...

Gloriam: ...

Marie: The month of mourning is to begin from today. Gloriam?...Please, if you can...instruct everyone to be...attired and adorned accordingly

Gloriam: Of course...certainly

They all sat together in silence before the Queen asked

Marie: Why is life so cruel, Gloriam?

Gloriam: ...?

Marie: Often, it takes from us those who are young, and strong and beautiful....and leaves behind... things.

Gloriam: ...

Marie: ...Things which are... ugly and cruel and vile

At that, Marie then heard her cousin sniffle and saw the trembling lips and tears as she wept in near silence.

Marie: Oh...my dear sweet cousin...

Gloriam: Cy- -sob- Brother...

Marie embraced her tightly, apologising all the while. She could feel her unsteady breaths and hear the struggle of her trying to speak through the sobbing.

Marie: Forgive my words...please. I did not mean to cause you-

Gloriam: -sniff-

Marie: Gloriam. I am sorry..

Gloriam nodded.

But Marie soon found herself crying with her cousin; along with the other lady present who furiously wiped at her face.

**

All three remained that way for a considerable length of time until eventually both ladies released each other; and Marie with Gloriam's hands in hers said

Marie: For Cyrus- and you...my sister. I am to blame -sniff- for everything

However, Gloriam shook her head and replied

Gloriam: No. How can you be?

Marie: ...

Gloriam: -sniff- You are not

With a shake of her head, Marie disagreed and incomprehensibly said

Marie: I am. If only...sniff- when I- had not

Gloriam: No, you are not

Marie: ....

Gloriam: ...

Marie: Gloriam?

Gloriam: ...?

Marie: ...I have caused you great pain, haven't I?

Gloriam: It hurts...it does. But you are not to blame

Marie: If not I, then who Gloriam?

Gloriam: ...

Marie: Who?

Gloriam: ...

Marie: The choices I have made...the things- everything what followed. And now...-sniff-

Gloriam: ...Marie

Marie: ...-sniff-

Gloriam: ...and I- I chose to follow you. I wished for you to not be alone...and you are not. You see?

Marie: ...-sniff-

Gloriam: I am here.

In a low voice and with a sad smile, Marie agreed saying

Marie:  Yes...yes you are. And you have sacrificed much, my dear cousin. -sniff- How good you have always been to me. As a sister you have loved me and I you

Gloriam: ......

Marie: Then...then, I thank you..but it shall never repay for everything..you...

Gloriam: ..Marie?

Hand in hand they stood and as they did, so did the other lady present. And in an attempt at seeming more joyful, Marie smiled, making her cheeks plump and said

Marie: You should rest today, Gloriam. There is not much to do. Please, return to your quarters and have a little rest

Gloriam: I am fine now. And it is but daylight out. I-

Marie interjected while patting the hand of Gloriam saying

Marie: I know. I know. But I insist.

Gloriam: ....

Marie: Have no one disturb her, please..

Lady in waiting #3: Yes, Your Majesty

Marie: And please...you, along with the others, kindly advise everyone that which I instructed Gloriam earlier..

Lady in waiting #3: Yes, Your Majesty

Marie: Thank you

Gloriam: But..then, who shall tend to you?

Wearing the same smile, Marie replied

Marie: You needn't worry, cousin. Go on. Rest.

Gloriam: ...

Marie: Please

***

Gloriam departed. With a troubled heart and a little glance behind her, she bade her cousin 'good day'.

Seated at her dresser, Marie sighed heavily and inspected her appearance.

Wearied by her constant tears and sleepless nights; her face was drawn, her eyes reddened and heavy with deep sadness.

Tears quickly filled them as she thought

{If not I, then who?}

Her insides ached; constant and piercing.

Tightly embracing herself, she closed her eyes and memories began to slowly greet and torment her.

And she gave way to weeping once more.

➵