The longer I stayed in the harem, the more I noticed how many women were caring for their daughters. Toddlers on hips, prepubescent girls playing together under the watchful eyes of their mothers. I didn’t see anyone over the age of thirteen or fourteen besides the wives. I didn’t want to know what that meant but I had a sickening idea as to where they might be. I pushed that thought out, instead choosing to believe the children in the harem were the only children he had. Until I got curious and asked Atu’e. My original belief being validated: he used them for political marriages the minute they were old enough to conceive. I told her that was horrible while she cleaned my wounds. “That’s just the way of the world,” she said. “His daughters may be pawns in his political affairs, but after Malawashi…”

          “What happened to her?” I asked.

          Her hands stopped. “What happened with Noa?”

          This was beginning to anger me, all this talk of Malawashi, comparing me to her and never once telling me what happened to her or why talking about it was so taboo. Maybe I needed more clout, I was new to the harem, I didn’t have the trust of anyone yet. I thought the best way to rise through the ranks of the harem was through Atu’e. There appeared to be a rift, those who followed Aya as the head wife, and those who seemed to think Atu’e would make a better leader of the wives. I decided to lean into this rift. “Aya,” I said.

I watched her ears pick up from across the room. She stalked over, hands on her hips. “Are you accusing me for your little spat?”

I looked up at her, at the women who stopped their activities to watch our interaction. “Well, if you hadn’t given me poison…” I let the words hang in the air before asking, “Why do you have illegal ki…kirikiri poison, Aya?”

For a moment, her face flashed with shock. She masked it well as women came closer, some still with their daughters in their arms. “I don’t have to answer to an abnormal mongrel!” She let out a scoff, crossing her arms. “Noa should’ve never married you and Malawashi.”

Aya turned, stopping her tracks as Atu’e spoke. “Aya,” she said, “did you…did you poison Malawashi?” I stood with Atu’e, fitting my clothing back on. Aya tried to push through the encircling women, those with free hands keeping her in front of Atu’e. Whether they subscribed to her status as head wife or not, they wanted to see this through. “She was…so bright…and after a month she became so…dull until…Did you hate her that much?”

Her ears twitched, her tail falling slightly, losing her dominance just a bit. “We all know she died in childbirth.” She pushed her hair behind her shoulders, inspecting her nails. “Why do you care that a freak of nature is dead?”

“Did you kill her?” Atu’e wrapped her arms around my middle. “Why do you have illegal poison, Aya?”

“That’s…That’s…” She looked around the room, at everyone waiting for her answer. “What if I did? Noa would’ve beaten her half to death once he learned she let a guard have his way with her.” There was a collective gasp, Aya joining in as she realized what she had let slip. She cleared her throat, composing herself. The mass of women converged on Aya, the next words out of her mouth were demands to unhand her. Two women held her firmly, dragging her away while a third and a eunuch followed them out. The rest of the women let out a collective breath. Atu’e rested her forehead on mine head.

After a few tense moments, we returned to our activities, a large weight seeming to be lifted off the shoulders of the women who knew Malawashi. Atu’e finished cleaning my wounds, and gave me a tour of the harem, introducing me to our fellow wives and stepdaughters. There wasn’t nearly as much space as I had assumed originally. Bedrooms had multiple cots, the most I saw being four, a small library, that large courtyard that jutted up against the main building in addition to the main sitting room. Besides the oddly unstuffy lack of space for a hundred women and countless children, the harem was just as beautiful and in good condition as the main building.

I stayed with the women in the sitting room, talking with a few. As much as I hated being treated as one, I preferred their company than dealing with Noa in a poison filled daze. They were all well versed in various topics, they had been given schooling at some point in their life, even if this society seemed to mirror that of older Arabic ones. At the very least, they could read and write as the library indicated. I tried pressing on the story of Malawashi, the women only giving me little bits and pieces, if anything at all. I had been so engrossed in one woman’s explanation on the heavenly bodies, I hadn’t been aware of a eunuch handing me a glass of water. I hated taking the neutralizer, it tasted so bitter, at least the taste of dinner would wash it away. If not, whatever was in that black pouch tasted sweet, not overly so; if it had been too sweet, the pleasant numbing effect would make me forget.

Our dinner was served right after sunset. It was cut short by Noa entering, two guards at his sides, eunuchs within grabbing reach, a sword at his hip. I choked down whatever food was in my mouth, everyone standing to greet him, to see what it was he wanted and would do. One of the eunuch’s led him to Aya’s room, us all crowding around the door to catch a glimpse of him tearing it apart. Silk clothing, pillows, and sheets were thrown to the floor. Jewelry clanged as it hit against the stone. He threw open drawers, rummaging around inside them before closing them just as aggressively. Eventually, he got on his knees and crawled half under the bed, sliding a wooden box out and then crawled out himself. The guards leaned in, the women leaned in, as he gingerly opened it, and from it he took a piece of paper, and a small bag. He handed the paper to a guard, opened the bag, sniffed it, put a little in his mouth and spit it out into a handkerchief.

He stood, we all leaned back as his narrowed eyes took us in. “Disperse, will you?” Noa roamed over the crowd, his eyes landing on me and someone else. “Except for Atu’e, and Sae.” He waited for the rest of the women to leave, looks being thrown between each one. “Atu’e, go with the guards to give them a statement. Sae,” a sense of dread was already filling my stomach, “with me.” He walked past me, a eunuch pushed me along to keep me from weaseling out of it.

Atu’e walked next to me, the guards trailing behind her. We parted ways at an intersection, Atu’e giving me a whispered wish of luck. I gave her the same, though I felt I needed luck the most. My stance had not changed with my weaning of the poison if anything it had been strengthened. I didn’t want to have Noa’s child any more than I did when he first brought up the topic. The eunuch left Noa and I at a curtained doorway, Noa handing his sword to him. He held the curtain open for me, nudging me into his chambers.

He pushed his hair back, taking off layers until he was clad in a loose black shirt and matching trousers. He slumped in a chair, filling a pipe, bringing it to his lips and lighting it. I stood by the curtained doorway, my one escape if his eyes hadn’t been watching me intently. He held his arm out, the ripe scent of tobacco filling the room as he breathed out. “Come here,” smoke fell from his mouth, “I won’t bite.” I had no other choice but to go to him, I didn’t want to suffer another lashing while my wounds were still healing. He held his pipe between his teeth to place me in his lap. He nuzzled his head against my neck, holding the pipe away from our faces. “Kišwa, the day I’ve had.” I felt awkward just sitting still listening to him lament about his day, watching him smoke. He closed his eyes, and the urge to stroke his ears came over me. They twitched between my fingers, feeling velvety soft. A small whine escaped his throat, his tail swishing back and forth slowly. “Are you that fascinated by them?” His tobacco mixed with the smell of lavender and mint.

“In my world, humans don’t have animal ears or tails,” I said.

He chuckled. “I suppose the colonists don’t travel as far north as Ny’yom’a.” I didn’t bother arguing with him, it had become increasingly clear my claims of being from New York, from a different universe, really, meant nothing to him. He set his pipe down, teeth by my Adam’s apple, hand diligently on my waist. “Will you be putting up a fight?” I stopped stroking his ears, ready to push myself out of his grip. “I’d rather you be a bit more lively.”

Noa grabbed my wrists, eyes piercing me with the hunger of a hunter. “P-Please don’t.”

My feet barely touched the floor as he stood, holding me upright by my wrists. My stomach dug into the edge of the table, on hand was all he needed to keep my arms behind my back. "I prefer fear on you, Sae."

He wouldn’t let me return to the harem when it was all over, and I wouldn’t let him drag me into his bed. I stayed in a curled up ball by the table, crying and consoling myself, just watching him sleep in the darkness. If I could’ve found the strength in my legs, I would’ve gone to his side and suffocated him in his sleep.