Noa hadn’t called me to his chambers for weeks, confirming what it was I already knew but didn’t want to admit. The other wives certainly knew I was pregnant and knew what had happened last time. They never once said anything related to children in my presence, except for Ku’e. Her words weren’t malicious, her white fox tail falling when I didn’t share her excitement. A new baby, her words rattled through the entire harem, oh how long it had been. Maybe it would be me, she espoused, who would give Noa the one thing he wanted more than anything. Maybe he’d be less angry if that happened.

I bit my tongue, letting the women who knew that even if I looked like their beloved co-wife, I wasn’t her, defend my feelings. I didn’t share the same joys in life she had. Being treated as a woman was enough to upset me, though now I had learned not to show it as openly. I followed whatever group wanted me each day, floating from the courtyard to various rooms in the harem building. I waited for Noa to call upon me, or even just to visit, and I waited for any whispered gossip on Aya. Were trials something this society held? Or could convictions be based on the whims of the day? I didn’t want Aya to face death, but she should at least be given the chance to plead her innocence.

Once my stomach began to stick out, my wardrobe had been drastically changed, as had the rest of the harems’. We no longer wore layers upon layers of silk fabrics, but one or two. They were light, easy for the slow breeze to seep through the cloth. As theirs were bright in colors, layering even more jewelry than before, mine were muted, my jewelry a necklace or two and the jade bracelet. Their dresses were much shorter, as well, stopping anywhere from just below their buttocks to above their knees. Mine fell to the ankle, slits traveling up the thighs to my hips, allowing me easier movements. Simple, loosely tied belts kept the skirt from moving too much. In the sea of bright colors, it was obvious there was something different about me. The wives assured me it was normal, dancing around any mention of pregnancies. Expectant mothers weren’t to be bothered, the muted colors made us blend into the markets’ streets better.

Noa finally visited the harem when my morning sickness and fatigue began to dissipate. A eunuch came to fetch me while Atu’e and Ku’e led me in different exercises I could while keeping this child safe, both now and in childbirth. They pulled me to my feet, despite me not needing their help. Atu’e walked me to the entrance, having me lean on her like I was some frail thing. That didn’t make me nearly as mad as seeing Noa’s face did. The anger felt worse now that he was in different clothing than his own layered silks. “I’ll be needing to speak with you in a few days,” he told Atu’e, then turned his attention to me. It took everything in me to keep from spitting in his face, or kicking him, or getting violent in any way. “Do you hate this one?” He asked, nuzzling against me, wanting to cover me in his scent.

“No,” I said, my lips brushing against bare skin more that I would’ve liked. It was such a shame his personality was so tainted, his clothing did him enough favors anyone would forget he verbally abused them. Tailored, fitted pants, a shirt he only buttoned once or twice, the rest staying open to allow more air against his skin. A gold elaborate belt hugged his waist, keeping his long jacket open and in place, adorned with more rattling gold and silver. “I hate you.”

I could feel his muscles tense, hear the rumble of his laughter. “Still? After all this time?” He hooked my arm through his, beginning to walk at a leisurely pace. “I hope you’ll change your opinion of me soon, vii’ta.” Not unless you stop forcing yourself on me, I wanted to say, I bit my cheek instead.

I looked anywhere but at him as we walked through the hallways. Geometric shapes, colorful paintings of utter nonsense to me, whatever bits of garden I could see past the open windows. We walked through a doorway, into the same room I found myself after I blacked out at my own wedding. There was only one table in the large room, two floor cushions on either side. I pushed his hand away when he tried to help me sit. “What is it you want, Noa?” He sat across from me, leaning on one bent knee.

“To apologize for Aya.” A servant brought out a dishes for tea, and a platter of small snacks and sweets. “And to explain a few new, Sae-specific rules.” He poured me and himself light brown colored tea. “Aya has been reprimanded, severely. She’s been sent back to her father’s home at his request.” He pushed his hair back. “As much as I wish I could cut our marriage, her father is very influential.” I took a sip of the tea, not overly sweet, but not too bitter either, a floral aftertaste coming through. All I heard from his half-then-decent apology was that Aya’s father was wealthier than Noa. “Atu’e will become the new Vai’a.” He picked up a small cake-like thing, dipping it in his tea. “With the heat beginning to rise in the spring—”

“It’s not summer?” He took my interruption as an opportunity to eat his little tea-soaked cake. “How…how hot does it get?”

He swallowed. “It’s nearing the end of winter,” he said. “On the hottest days it’ll be close to a hundred and fifty, and the cooler days, more near ninety.” I stared at him in disbelief. It already felt close to ninety now, the breeze the only thing keeping me alive most times I was outside. Even with lighter clothes on, I didn’t think I would be able to survive weather that hot. I was barely comfortable in the low eighties of the hotter summers in New York. “Because of that, any time you wish to be outside will be regulated to the early mornings and evenings, when it’s cooler. You may only leave the harem if I’m to accompany you.”

I clenched my jaw. “This is what gives me a negative impression of you.” I didn’t voice my unfiltered thoughts, that these rules were stupid, that I wasn’t a child, and there was nothing for me to endanger myself on in the harem. His infant wasn’t going to die as long as ninety-eight women had eyes on me every waking hour.

His ears twitched. “This is for your safety.”

It was my turn to laugh. “You wouldn’t have to worry if you stopped pushing yourself on me. I never wanted—”

“Sae.” I closed my mouth in shock at the tone of his voice. A low growl from his throat, like he had sunk his teeth directly into my name. “Enough.” Involuntarily, I felt myself shrink away from him. “Fix your attitude before tonight. Dignitaries from east of the Gnaou’i Mountains will be arriving and are eager to meet you.” He leaned forward, grabbing my wrist. “Do not embarrass me in front of them or you’ll wish Aya was here to make a fool of you.”

I considered spilling the hot tea on his hand, if a small burn was the price I’d have to pay to get his hand off me, I would gladly take it. Under his predator-like gaze, I caved at that idea. “Why me?” I moved his hand off my wrist. “Wouldn’t Atu’e be the better choice, now being Vai’a and all?”

 “Do you recall,” he circled his finger around the rim of his teacup, “when you first appeared?” I nodded. I did, though I still would’ve preferred to be given a peaceful death. “Malawashi was their living Washi’imu. With her gone, it’s you.” One of his ears flicked, picking up some sound I couldn’t. “I find their rejection of Kišwa utterly disgusting if I’m to speak plainly, but playing nice is only way they’ll keep the trade routes open.”

We finished our tea, he eating the entirety of the sweets. I thought he was bringing me back to the harem, to give me time to let my anger subside before tonight. Instead, he led me to a library, much bigger than the one in the harem. He had me sit at a desk before I had the chance to fully take it in. It smelled of old books, decaying parchment, and hot sand. He went to rummage the shelves, and I was already beginning to feel tired at the inevitable lecturing.

He rolled out a map, smoothing it to stay as flat as possible. The edges continued to pop up, and after a fruitless battle, placed the books he had grabbed on the edges. It was of the bigger continent I had seen on that little pocket map. I still hadn’t learned how to read the language of this world, the only thing I could understand was the mountain range in the east. I didn’t need to be literate, anyways, Noa pointed out trade routes, cities, roads, and rivers for me. He explained each and every one’s significance to me, and how long these dignitaries were traveling. The only thing I took away from his geo-political lesson was that if they thought of Noa in any negative way, it would be my fault.

I rested my cheek on my fist, paying less and less attention the more he droned on. None of it felt important after he told me their names, I figured if I remembered those, it couldn’t go as bad as he was expecting. There was a loud slamming sound, and I startled awake, unaware I had dozed off in the first place. “Pay attention, Sae.” His hands were firm on the table, weight shifting forward. “You need to know this by tonight.”

I let out a groan while I rubbed my eyes. “I can only cram so much in my head at once,” I said. “And I’m tired, Noa. You should try having another person growing inside you.”

“Tell me the dignitaries names, and we can try a different approach,” he said.

He looked as if this was an impossible task for me. “Tal’kka and G’wala.” It was so satisfying to see his face harden as I proved him wrong. “They’re from Iy’kka.” I closed my eyes, wanting to take another nap, even a quick one.

Noa said something, but I was already on the cusp of sleep. My dreams made no sense, more than usual. It was full of maps, books, etiquette and conversation topics. A mouth droning on and on about something or other. While it was confusing, it was a welcome confusion to my lesson with Noa. I would rather be surrounded by maps and books in my dreams, where not knowing the information was a conscious choice, than be out in the real world, where he dictated what I needed to know and what I didn’t. That was, until my head slipped my from fist, and my nose was barely a few inches from smacking into the tabletop. Across from me was Noa, still droning on and on.