Noa didn’t grant me permission to head back to the harem while we waited for these dignitaries. He wouldn’t even allow me to lie down on a reclining couch. He supported me as we walked to whatever room we were to be meeting these dignitaries in. I was too tired to care about his arm around my waist or his hand holding my arm up. I kept trying to stifle yawns, my entire routine thrown off by this visit. Ku’e had me going to bed earlier than the rest of the women and girls, and at least they had the decency to lower their voices.

I had a few moments to sit on a cushion in a smaller room. It was bare but resembled that of the main dining hall with its geometric paintings and open windows. A much more intimate dining room. Noa stood as a servant entered, bowing slightly and stepping behind the two men that had followed her in. One walked with more dignity than the other, long brown rabbit ears falling behind his shoulders. His black eyes zeroed in on me, never faltering while he bowed in front of Noa. His companion hung back, black hair and rabbit ears tied back, reminding me of some cartoon character in my drowsy state. After their formalities were finished, Noa held my hands, pretending to help me to my feet.

“You must be vii’ta Sae.” The smaller one, the one with brown hair, took my hand. He brought his mouth to my hand, foot sliding against the tile with the white fabric of his pants billowing behind him. His lips grazed an imaginary ring. “The Vai didn’t mention you were already with child.” He held a cane in front of him, made of dark wood and gold. The top was a perfect disk, etchings of some vaguely humanoid shape facing out into the world.

I felt Noa’s hand on my lower back, pressing just slightly; a warning that I shouldn’t let it show just how much I hated him. “I must move fast, Tal’kka,” his hand slid to my waist. “The sooner I know if they can give me an heir or not, the sooner I can trade a daughter for a wife.” I felt sick at his words, at the fact he could treat women the same as any other commodity one could buy or sell.

G’wala’s gaze shifted to me. He didn’t speak, his hands didn’t move from behind his back, nor his eyes when Tal’kka spoke. “Your pursuits will bear fruit, Vai.” He picked a piece of lint from the sleeve of his red and blue jacket. “You’ve had two Washi’ima, now. And my, vii’ta Sae looks remarkably like Washi’ima Malawashi.”

“It was—” He removed his hand from my hip, a servant speaking softly on the other side of him. He was fighting his face muscles to keep from baring his teeth. “Tal’kka,” he said instead, a weird sense of safety welling in me to see his anger directed at someone other than me. “There is an issue.” He kissed my temple, my jaw clenching, before stalking out, Tal’kka following him.

I thought about sitting back down, trying to figure out if I would be able to stand back up when Noa returned. “Vii’ta Sae.” G’wala’s voice shocked me from my thoughts, his voice even deeper than Noa’s. He took off his black cloak, leaving him in dark clothes similar to Noa’s. He placed it over my shoulders, the fabric lighter than it appeared to be. “You look blue.” He rested a large hand against my forehead for two heartbeats. “You feel red.” He tucked his hands behind his back once more. “Do you like the Vai?”

“Of-Of course.” His question caught me off guard. I didn’t know who could be listening in, choosing to pretend was better than being punished for thinking I had any privacy. “I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t like him a little bit.” I stifled another yawn, keeping my eyes open against their involuntary closure.

G’wala tilted his head. “Marriages based on complicated feelings are for the commoners.” He righted himself. “So, I ask again. Do you like the Vai?”

I thought back on my wedding day, piecing together what jumbled fragments I could. “He is…physically attractive,” I said. I honestly didn’t know if it was a lie or some half-truth. There was still a part of me that saw him as Nate, held onto a hope that he would suddenly become Nate. The rest knew he never could be the same as him, his personality too warped. “Maybe one day…” I ignored the low grumble in my stomach, hoping G’wala didn’t hear it, “I might come to like him.”

I began to get dizzy, his words my sole focus to keep myself stable. “Do you regret marrying him?” He asked. “If Tal’kka could—Vii’ta, are you alright?” The world had shifted, my body being held up by G’wala’s large hands. He called for Noa, it only now dawned on me I had fainted. “Come sit, vii’ta.” He helped me sit on the cushion, then pulled what looked like a wrapped candy from the inside of his belt. He unwrapped it for me, holding it out for me to take. “Something red for when you look blue.” It tasted like cinnamon, burning my tongue slightly as I sucked on it. I didn’t care, I was so hungry at this point I would’ve eaten the sand outside. I thanked him as he pulled more from various hiding places in his clothing and set them in my hands. “You’ll need to speak up, vii’ta. I’m deaf.”

I swallowed cinnamon flavored saliva. “How do you understand me, then?” I asked. “How did you learn to speak?”

G’wala tilted his head to the side. “Each letter and syllable has a vibration,” he said. “I learn and mimic these vibrations.” He righted his head and pushed his hair behind a human set of ears. “We hear sound through these.” He fixed his hair back in place, pointing to his animal ones. “All these can do is pick up vibration.” He was quiet for a moment. “I apologize, vii’ta, but I will have to take my cloak back. The Vai can be rather jealous.”

He took the cloak from around my shoulders, setting it on his the second Noa walked through the doorway. He took quick, large steps, leaving Tal’kka behind him. He leaned on his cane, walking as fast as he could. G’wala stood, letting Noa take his place in front of me. “What happened?” His voice was quiet, a slight, irritated hiss underlying his words. “Is the baby okay?”

“I fainted,” I matched his tone exactly, “because I’m hungry and tired and anemic, and no on will feed me red meat.” I popped another cinnamon candy in my mouth. “If you want the baby to be okay, you’ll feed me.”

Noa let out an annoyed sigh but stood and called a servant over. He apologized to Tal’kka and G’wala for having dinner brought in early. I bit down hard on the candy, feeling like I was going to pop a blood vessel. I wanted to scoff at his declaration of early. The moon and stars were already visible outside, even in the harem, dinner had never been served so late. Cushions for Noa’s guests were brought in, as well as a low table. My food was brought separately, already plated instead of the normal shared style of this place. I felt my heart sink at the lack of meat on the table, even on my plate. Vegetables, grains, legumes, even something that appeared to be tofu was set out. At least what had been prepared for me was rich in iron.

“Vii’ta, where do you hail from?” Tal’kka asked. I swallowed my food and gave my normal answer of New York, knowing full well it was going to be misinterpreted as something else. G’wala gave me a curious look. “Ny’yom’a? How did you meet the Vai, then?” I gave them a quick summary of how I met Noa. G’wala let out a choked cough, Tal’kka seemed unfazed. “He must have paid your family handsomely.” I rolled my eyes. The more time I spent in this world, the clearer it became that any inconsistencies they didn’t like, they conveniently ignored. “Would you like to visit the east, vii’ta? See where your blessing has come from?”

“Maybe once the baby is born.” I could feel Noa’s eyes daring the prey animal to challenge the authority of something that could easily eat it.

The two of them entered a staring match, edging the other on and waiting with bated breath for the other to break. I finished my dinner, and the fresh fruit that was to serve as my dessert. I covered a yawn with my hand, willing Noa to stop his pissing contest and let me go back to the harem to sleep. What I hadn’t expected was G’wala asking if he could walk me to the harem, and for Noa to agree. Whatever it was he was trying to prove to Tal’kka was more important than his stupid rules for my safety he only just imposed.

G’wala held his hand out for me to help me to my feet. We walked with room between us, my hands holding the candy and his behind his back. “You didn’t say ‘Ny’yom’a,’ did you?” He asked once we turned a corner. I hesitated but nodded. “Washi’imu must have brought you to this world for a reason.” I wanted to laugh at that. There couldn’t have been some grand scheme to get me here. My life was to revolve around Noa, to give him children and nothing more. “I hope you’ll come east, at least once, vii’ta. You may find your purpose there.”

“By being a living god?” I asked.

He let out a small laugh. “You have it all wrong,” he said. “Washi’imu is our god above all else. The Washi’ima are pieces of it. Little miracles to let us know it is still alive. You do more for us by merely existing than you would by pros-prose-ly-ti-zing.” He broke the last word up by syllable, sounding slightly off. He hadn’t heard or used that word often enough to memorize its vibrations. That seemed to be my entire existence at this point. The only thing I was good for was to just be. A living doll for people to mold into what they wanted. And there was nothing I could do about it. I had been reduced to a female, to a second-class citizen in this world. I stopped telling those around me I was a man, they weren’t going to listen to me anyway. “Think it over,” he said. “And next we meet, I’ll have more red candy for when you look blue.”

He stopped a distance from the harem’s entrance. “I will,” I said, looking up at black eyes. “Thank you for walking me back.”

He put on a smile. “Sleep well, Washi’ima Sae.” He turned on his heel, walking back to the small dining room.

Ku’e and a handful of women were still awake, eyeing the candy in my hands. I shared some with them, telling them I would field any questions tomorrow. I slipped my shoes off, untied my belt, and laid down, feeling a much needed relief from the gravity of standing. I stared at the ceiling, at patterns that mimicked constellations until I fell asleep.