Chapter 3:
The night is a bit chilly, but I don’t really mind it. I sit outside on the front porch steps and wait. The stars are out tonight which is nice. I’d always missed night skies like this when I was living in the cities. It’s not even the light pollution that makes the skies ungazeable, even though that doesn’t help, it’s all of the buildings. They’ll block out huge portions of the sky and make it difficult to find any of the constellations. Out here in the desert though everything is flat and barren. There’s nothing to obscure the sky for miles and miles.
I keep my eyes up to see the bears taking their nightly trek across the heavens. Being led by the North Star to whatever their destination is. I wonder where my planet is in all of this mess of scattered stars. I don’t even know if it’s visible from Earth. From the little bit I had managed to glean from my father’s memories our planet isn’t in the Milky Way or any of the nearby galaxies. It’s very far away.
A small planet with a small star to keep it habitable. Made up of more water than land like Earth, but the land more giving and the climate more consistent. I close my eyes and allow an old memory to surface.
I’m walking through the fields. The dirt is soft and cool and my toes sink into it which feels nice. It’d been a warm day, but the breeze coming off the ocean had been crisp and had brought a sweet scent over the land. I let my fingers trail over the leafy plants growing from the ground in large stalks. They’re almost ready for harvest, but not quite yet. They’re a palish yellow with just a hint of pink starting to peak in. Once they’re fully pink then they’ll be ready for harvest. I walk down the rows enjoying the feeling of isolation amongst the crops. There at the end though she’s waiting for me.
A pink dress shifts and flows around her as the breeze picks it up. Her blond hair pulled back in braids swing side to side across her shoulders. When she catches sight of me she smiles and I can feel my heart stop beating for a moment. The whole world exists for that smile. I find myself smiling in return. I’m glad it’s-
I blink my eyes open as bright lights cut through my vision and disrupt the memory. The rattling of the truck engine comes to a sudden halt and the lights are cut off with it. The world is suddenly turned pitch black and I have to blink a lot trying to get my eyes to adjust back to the nighttime atmosphere.
“What are you doing out here?” I hear Walt ask as he comes up and sits on the porch next to me.
I shrug and sigh not quite sure how to answer and still a bit disoriented from my dad’s memory. The stairs creak a bit as they take on both of our weights. We sit there in silence as I try to clear out my head and organize my thoughts. I don’t usually come out to Walt’s cabin since it’s out of the way. It’s more frequent that Walt will come out to the barn, but tonight I had felt like going out of the way. Especially since last night and this afternoon had left us both in a mess.
The silence permeates between us before I finally give in and say what’s been on my mind. “I really shouldn’t have come back here.” That’s really the root of everything that’s been wrong. I shouldn’t be here and I definitely shouldn’t be here with Walt.
I’d been angry with Walt and had felt like he’d been using me, but the truth is I’m also using him. Being with Walt makes me feel normal, human. But I’m not either of those things and being with me puts him in danger. If those soldiers ever find me again it’ll be Walt and Gina and Buck that’ll get hurt because I decided to stay here.
“I’m glad you’re here though.” Walt says quietly.
I snort. He says that now, but just wait until he has a sword going through his chest. I’m sure his opinions of me will change very quickly when that happens.
“And I’m sorry about last night.” Walt continues ignoring my pessimism. “I didn’t mean to just crash and then ditch. I just…” He trails off and shrugs. “I’m an idiot.” He finally says.
I shake my head. “You’re not an idiot.” I’m the idiot. I’m letting my feelings cloud my judgement. And I should know better than that. I should be running as far and as fast as I can right now, but instead I’m sitting on a porch daydreaming about afternoons that aren’t even mine.
“I don’t know. All day I’ve been in a bad mood because of the fight we had, but then I saw you sitting out here and I suddenly felt a million times better. And it makes me feel so stupid for caring so much because I don’t even…” He trails off into a dejected silence not sure how to finish that sentence, but I do.
“Because we don’t even have a real relationship.” I supply. We ignore each other during the daytime, spend a couple nights together out of the week, and we never talk about anything. We don’t really know anything about each other. We’re just casual sex and I get the added thrill of a human possibly finding out that I’m an alien.
“I know that I’m the one who insisted on keeping us a secret, but…” Walt bites his lip, “I don’t know what to do when I feel like this.” He admits. “I want to go on dates with you, I want to introduce you to my family, I want to get to know you, but I’m so terrified of people-”
“Walt,” I cut him off. “I don’t want to go on dates with you, I don’t want to meet your family, and I don’t want to know more about you than what you know about me.” I reveal to him. I don’t want that type of relationship with him because in the long run it’s better that way.
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