Kasumi: The Empire Strikes Back was amazing.  What a follow-up!

Aquila: It definitely had its moments.  That reveal at the end about Darth Vader being Luke Skywalker’s father was jaw-dropping.

K: And you’ve got the romance between Han Solo and Princess Leia, which is really well done.  What is it the Americans say, “She’ll make an honest man out of him”?

A: That seems likely.  Mind you, I have serious questions about the Empire at this point.

K: Oh?

A: Well, they’re incompetent, aren’t they?  How are they actually able to stay an empire when they keep making mistakes this basic?

K: I’m not sure I follow.

A: Take the battle of Hoth, for example.

K: Wait a moment – isn’t that an imperial victory?

A: It’s a victory, but the rebels manage to withdraw in good order.  It could have been a rout!

K: It looked pretty desperate for the rebels to me.  Besides, I’m not sure entering the system from far away would have been that much better than just popping in.

A: Who’s talking about the spaceships?  I’m talking about the Imperial walkers.

K: What about them?  Those things were terrifying!

A: Terrifying doesn’t mean anything if they’re slow enough to out-walk.  They had no hope of preventing a rebel escape at all!  They could have been so much faster if the Empire had just used a little bit of common sense.

K: And what would have made something that big faster?

A: Giant skis.

K: ...skis.

A: Precisely.  You put them on giant skis.

K: That seems...impractical.

A: Not for an empire that can build giant, city-sized Super Star Destroyers!  And think of the benefits, Kasumi - once they’re on skis, they’d be faster than anything else on the surface of the planet.

K: And how would they steer?

A: Giant ski poles.

K: Right...

A: It’s perfectly obvious.  And with their speed and momentum, they’d be unstoppable!

K: And what would they do when they get to the rebel lines and have to, you know, stop?

A: Giant parachutes.

K: Okay then...moving on, what did you think of the second half of the movie?

A: I thought Cloud City was disgusting.

K: What, you mean Lando Calrissian’s betrayal?

A: Who’s talking about that?  That was just good, dramatic storytelling.  I’m talking about the false advertising!

K: False advertising?

A: Absolutely – that city wasn’t made of clouds at all!

K: I’m pretty sure the name is referring to being among the clouds.

A: Kasumi, any city having a foggy day is “among the clouds” – that’s what fog is.  Hell, for most of the 19th and 20th centuries London was “among the clouds.”

K: I’m pretty sure that was smog.

A: It doesn’t matter – a city made of clouds would have been amazing!  But, we didn’t get one, did we?  Just plain old boring regular walls and floors.

K: I think if it had been made of clouds, everybody would have fallen out of it.  Clouds aren’t known for being, well, solid.

A: They mine clouds there – and if you can mine it, you can build with it.  They have no excuse.

K: I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.

A: Either way, I want a place named Cloud City to be a city made out of clouds.  If the city is made out of anything else it’s nothing more than a bait-and-switch.

K: Right...wrapping up, then, who is your candidate for best girl?

A: Princess Leia.

K: Okay, and...wait, really?

A: Yes.

K: But, it’s because she did some bizarre and wacky thing, right?  Or her hair is somehow alive?  Something like that?

A: No.  She’s just a really good character.

K: I think that just made my head hurt.  To wrap up, we liked The Empire Strikes Back, and Cloud City needs a new name, I guess?

A: False advertising should never be tolerated!