Kasumi: Now that was a spectacular opening!

Aquila: It was!  I can’t wait to see what happens next.

K: We’ll have to wait a while.  But, what a thing to leave on – the meeting of Gilgamesh and Enkidu, the entire Holy Grail War going immediately off the rails, and the rising realization of how much destruction a Holy Grail War entails.

A: Well, would entail.

K: I suppose we do have to wait for the full season to start.  But, the hints we’ve got are amazing!  I mean, the fight between Gilgamesh and Enkidu ends in what is basically a nuclear explosion.

A: Who’s talking about that?  I’m saying that this Holy Grail War has no hope of ever getting off the ground.

K: I’m not following you.

A: There’s not going to be any winner.

K: What, because they’ll just all wipe each other out?

A: No.  They won’t get to fight in the first place.

K: That seems unlikely.  I don’t think even you could tell Gilgamesh what to do.  If he wants to fight, he’s going to fight.

A: Kasumi, you’re not thinking about this logically.  This series is set in America.

K: And?

A: And America is not Japan, or Europe.  They’re not as good at keeping secrets there.  People are going to find out that the Holy Grail War is starting.

K: Okay, I’ll give you that.  But how does that prevent the war from happening?  We’re talking about superpowered historical figures appearing so that they can fight each other.

A: Exactly – historical figures.  Kasumi, what do you think is going to happen when the world finds out that Gilgamesh has appeared?  Who do you think is going to show up?

K: Um...reporters?

A: Historians.  Lots of them.  All wanting to pick the brain of an ancient mythological Babylonian king.  All wanting the prestige of getting there first.  And do you really think they’ll just play nice and share?

K: I suppose there would be some competition.

A: It would be a bloodbath!  And this is America – they’ll probably start shooting each other with guns!

K: That seems...unlikely.

A: Well, I mean, they probably won’t hit very much, spending all their time reading books and archives and things...

K: No, I mean they’re far more likely to write nasty articles at one another.

A: There won’t be time for that!  Especially once the advertising executives arrive.

K: Advertising executives?

A: Think about it, Kasumi!  It’s Gilgamesh!  Brands will be falling over each other to get him as their spokesperson.  They’ll be even more cut-throat than the historians!

K: You may be reading more into this than is actually there...

A: The real question is whether the talent agents will get there first.

K: Talent agents?

A: Well, somebody has to represent the heroic spirits.  And who’s going to make sure they get a proper cut of the residuals for all those television shows they appear on?  The movies that want them as celebrity cameos?  Why, it would be a race to get to them to sign contracts.  And then you’ve got the recruiters from all those professional sports teams.

K: Sports teams.

A: Heroic spirits are athletes, Kasumi.  Wouldn’t you want Gilgamesh as the star pitcher of your baseball team?

K: I really don’t think that’s how it would play out.

A: It would be utter chaos!  Lectures on Mesopotamian archaeology breaking out in the middle of city streets!  Talent agents and sports recruiters sniping each other in pitched gunfights!  Historians and team mascots getting into brawls that neither can win, because the mascots are too soft and cuddly and the historians are too wimpy!  And then, once the chaos lifts and the all of the heroic spirits have representation, they go onto long careers in sports and entertainment, living off their fame into old age until they die of heart attacks caused by their cushy lifestyles!

K: Yeah...I think we’re just going to see a battle royale.

A: Trust me, Kasumi – the heroic spirits will be too busy with their new careers to fight each other.  America is too celebrity-obsessed to have a successful Holy Grail War on its soil.

K: Okay then...moving on, who is your candidate for best girl?

A: Rin Tohsaka.

K: Wait a minute – she doesn’t appear in this one!

A: She doesn’t appear yet.  Rin will be there – it’s Fate.

K: Okay then...to wrap up, we liked Fate/strange Fake: Whispers of Dawn, and apparently the Holy Grail War needs to watch out for talent agents and historians...