Something was wrong.
Alice had never considered herself to be particularly adept at reading other’s emotions. She had always wished she were, that she could better understand what made her uncle angry, why people at work would say one thing but mean another, or what she could do to make people around her happy. But the truth was there had never been all that many people around her, and she had never learned how. Maybe she would have been rotten at it either way.
But she could tell that Aurum was infuriated. She just did not know why. It seemed as though she’d been talking with Pollan as before, albeit reluctantly, but then something had changed. She thought it might be because Pollan had asked Aurum about her magic, something which would doubtless make her even more suspicious of him. But she did not stop him talking and stayed about as civil as she had been before with him. Alice was not even quite sure how she knew Aurum was angry; it might have been something to do with the set of her shoulders or the tightness of her steps. She was certain, though. And all she had wanted was for Pollan and Aurum to talk a bit more, to start building that trust that they had in the story. Maybe even see if Aurum started to look at Pollan with something more like romantic interest, the way things were supposed to be. Instead, it seemed like she had brought things a few steps back.
Eventually, they stopped for a midday rest, settling in a clearing near a stream. It was a good place to sit and eat, with dry grassy ground and shade from the noon sun. Alice was worn out from the walk and the stress of the past couple of days. She was dreading the rest of the journey. If she was tired now, so early after a half day on easy terrain, how would she manage the mountains? Preoccupied by her worries and her aching feet, she made it through half of her lunch completely distracted from Pollan and Aurum.
As she started to feel a bit better after eating some provisions, she grew a bit more aware of her surroundings. Pollan was still talking enthusiastically – honestly, didn’t his voice ever wear out? – and Aurum was sitting in silence. Looking up from her food, Alice realized that Aurum’s anger was not directed at Pollan at all. Aurum was glaring openly at her, so intent that Alice felt a nervous sweat break out. It was obvious enough that even Pollan seemed to have noticed. Now that Alice was paying attention, it was clear that his chatter was more nervous than eager, and his gaze kept flickering between Alice and Aurum before looking away as though pretending not to notice the brewing conflict. Alice did not register what it was he was saying.
There was no way for the two of them to talk alone, though, and it did not seem as though Aurum was going to explain or confront her here and now. So Alice sat, bearing Aurum’s anger with no way to try and understand what exactly was wrong. Her anxiety grew until it squeezed her chest like a vice and set her heart racing. The feeling was horribly familiar, and for a moment, Alice was not in the clearing in the world of the story but instead was back in her old world, her old and present lives blurring into one another in her distress. She was sitting in her office cubicle, facing the disdain and anger of her supervisor with a colleague watching with satisfaction, feeling the same sickening realization that something was wrong, that she had done something wrong. That slow feeling of vertigo that always hit as everything went from fine to terrible, bringing with it a sense of shame at her own foolishness for not realizing it sooner, and the confusion of still not knowing exactly why or when things at gone so wrong. She wanted to hide, but unlike the latter years of her old life, there was no promise of safety after she went home to her small apartment, lonely but safe with her plants. Like a punch to the gut, she missed the cottage.
Alice really just wanted to stand up and make a break for the path back to the cottage, to home. Aurum would certainly catch her if she tried. There was nowhere to run away, and Alice knew that even if there were, she would not have left. Helping Aurum was too important. She needed to make sure that no matter how irreparably she had damaged their relationship – whatever that had been to begin with – that she kept Aurum safe. And the only way she knew how to do that was to try and help her find the sage. Running away would not accomplish that.
They kept on walking together along the trail. At some point, Pollan had stopped talking. Alice had not noticed exactly when he had, only registering after a long while that it was silent apart from the rustling sounds of the forest. As they walked, she felt Aurum’s eyes on her occasionally, but for her part she was studiously avoiding looking at her. She kept her gaze fixed on the path ahead of them.
It was not until nightfall, after they had made camp and eaten and were getting ready to settle for the evening that the penny dropped. Aurum and Alice had insisted, to Pollan’s obvious confusion, that they take turns on watch for the evening, and Aurum took the first watch. Alice wanted nothing more than to hide in her sleeping roll from Aurum and from the entire world, but it was clear to her that if she tried, Aurum would drag her out bodily. Pollan seemed to know that he was not wanted, and for once he took the hint and settled himself to bed. Alice and Aurum sat awake for a long time after he went to lie down, neither looking at the other. Pollan had been snoring quietly for a good hour when suddenly Aurum stood up, still avoiding Alice’s gaze, and walked into the forest. Wordlessly, Alice followed, heart pounding and breaths coming a bit shallowly from her nervousness.
They did not go very far – even as angry as she was, Aurum would not risk Pollan’s or their safety by abandoning camp and her watch – but they were far enough away that the sleeping Pollan should not be able to hear them talk. A heavy silence stretched between them as they stood.
“What –”
“What –”
Alice and Aurum spoke at the same time. Alice’s voice was timid, Aurum’s quietly enraged. Alice flinched and fell silent, waiting for Aurum to continue.
“What on earth are you thinking?”
Alice did not understand the question. “What – about what?”
“You – you are trying to – you think you know what’s going to happen. You actually believe that.”
“Not exactly,” Alice whispered, feeling tears coming. “I know – know what is meant to happen. Not what will. And it seems like – ”
Aurum practically growled. “You think you know what should happen? Not just how to avoid bad things, and how to beat the witch, but how my life should go? You think you know how I should be?”
Alice stuttered. “I mean – they – that’s the same thing. The only way to beat the witch for sure is for things to go the way they do in the st-”
“Shut up. Shut up about the story. I can’t believe you – you think you can dictate my feelings. My entire life. You think I’m going to look at that foppish country boy – who is definitely a spy, by the way – and fall into some sort of fairy-tale romance? You think you can ignore me, who I am, and instead manipulate me make up some sort of heroine? How dare you think you know what my feelings should be. Even if you aren’t delusional, you are still wrong.”
Alice stared in shock, heart dropping. Aurum was crying now, tears reflecting the moonlight, looking crystalline on her cheeks and setting her gold eyes to silver. She did not understand but felt as though she almost did, as though something vitally important was just out of reach. She hated the sight of Aurum’s tears.
“I’m not a puppet. I’m not your entertainment. Who am I to you? Do you even see me?”
Alice finally found some words, struggling to get them out around the lump in her throat. “I do – you are real, I know, that’s why you need to be safe. That’s the most important –”
“No. You don’t get to choose for me. If you wanted to help me you would have talked to me – at least before you tried to push me and him – you think I want –” Aurum was almost sobbing now, but seemed to steady herself enough after a short pause. Alice could only stare in horror. How had things ended up like this? She had only avoided talking about the story, sharing her knowledge, because Aurum hadn’t liked it, but here it was blowing up between them like a time-bomb she’d set and armed without realizing.
Aurum looked at her, eyes hard. “You need to leave.”
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