“So, I’m curious, Emi san,” Asami asked as Emi dug into the large shopping bag carrying all the candy she’d bought. “Who did your parents choose for you to marry?”

Emi stopped rummaging through the plastic sack and turned to face Asami, a scowl creasing her face. Of all the social injustices Emi had railed against this one hit the closest to home. With all the madness which had gone on in the past several months she had managed to push her unwilling and impending “nuptials” to the back of her mind and with one simple, innocent question it all came rushing back like a tsunami.

“This!” Emi poked the bag irritably after taking a moment to get her thoughts together. “Is criminal.”

“Candy?” Asami cocked her head to the site.

“No! Of course, not candy!” Emi rattled the bag at her for emphasis. “This whole arranged marriage…” she paused, biting her lip angrily as she searched for the right words. “…yak poop! I would have used harsher language, but I don’t want to corrupt impressionable ears.”

“Momo thanks you,” Momo nodded, sucking jelly drink out of a straw a short distance away on Emi’s bed.

“Have you two been sold off to slavery?” Emi growled.

“Slavery?” Asami asked.

“Have you had your husband chosen for you, whether you wanted the anchor hanging off your leg or not?” Emi clarified.

“Momo is too stupid for marriage,” Momo shrugged. “Momo will be nothing more than a burden to society and her family for the rest of her life.”

“What?” Emi snapped sharply. “Who said you’re too stupid to marry a walking ego?”

“Momo’s mother. And father.” Momo squinted as if trying to remember something. “And older brother and sister and Momo’s neighbor and- “

“O-Ok, I get it,” Emi interrupted her. “You have to know that’s a bunch of crap, though, right?”

“What is a bunch of crap?” Momo blinked in her direction, still not making eye contact.

“You’re not stupid at all and if anyone calls you stupid, I will lay down the witch smack of divine vengeance on them,” Emi glowered. “Your family and neighbors are kind of a bunch of jerks. What the hell is wrong with people? Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re stupid again or you’ll face the witch of wrath, ok?”

“Momo is not stupid, no,” Momo agreed with a nod and shrug, her empty pouch of jelly drink making slurping sounds as she continued to suck on the straw.

“Precisely,” Emi nodded fiercely. “What about you, Asami?”

“I’m not stupid, either!”

“No,” Emi sighed. “I mean are you due to marry some guy?”

“Oh, no,” Asami shook her head. “My family’s far too poor for an arranged marriage. I’m only here because I got good grades, and they take a couple of students a year from the lower classes to get government funding. At least that’s what my dad says.”

“See?” Emi spread her arms wide, windmilling them as she did so. “This is what I’m talking about! This is the 21^st century! Why are we still discussing class in this day and age?”

“Why do people who decide these things add one hundred years when they refer to a century?” Momo asked blandly. “Why isn’t this the 20^th century?”

“Huh…I have no idea. Good question, Moo. Mark that one for Wikipedia later,” Emi said after thinking about it for a moment. “Where was I?”

“Classes,” Asami supplied helpfully.

“Right! Damn right! Classes! What are the lower classes anymore? How does that get decided on? Is there some kind of shadowy cabal sitting in a bunker passing judgement on who gets to be bumped up to upper class and who has to stay in the lower rungs with their crappy fishing shows and soiled t shirts?” Emi raged, grabbing the top of the bag of candy, and choking it in frustration.

“Do you know what this is?” Emi gritted her teeth.

“Witch on bag violence?” Asami supplied helpfully.

“What? No! I mean this situation. Good catch on the witch thing, though,” Emi acknowledged.

“Momo does not know what the situation is,” Momo chimed in.

“This is a travesty is what it is!” Emi growled, reminded once again of what she was raging against. “As far as I know, there aren’t any nobles left outside the emperor and his family. Why should there even be a discussion about lower or upper class? Especially when some guy in his mom’s basement can design an app and suddenly be a millionaire! Does that make that filthy otaku upper class because he wrote an app which turns everyone into Nekomimis by using the camera on their phone or can everyone continue to treat him with the derision he has so richly earned? Where, exactly, is the cut off?”

“It would be kind of cool to have an app that turned everyone into cat people,” Asami mused.

“I know! Right?” Emi grinned. “I feel that is a thing we need. Forget that electric car guy, we should make our own app just like that!” Emi clapped her hands together excitedly, the bag flailing wildly as she did so. “Do you know how to make an app?”

“Ah…no,” Asami admitted sadly.

“How about you, Moo?”

“Momo does not believe so, no,” she said after a moment’s thought.

“Well, I’m a witch of ideation,” Emi shrugged. “I’m a thinker, not a doer. We’ll have to shelve that concept for now. Anyway! I am not going to get married to some pasty old guy because my mother has decided I will! I will not have my freedom and my choices taken from me like that! I will not be bound!”

“Oh! That’s very exciting!” Asami clapped enthusiastically. “Good on you! How are you going to do it?”

“Well, I’m supposed to get married to Prince Cradlerobber when I graduate from school, right?” Emi leaned forward excitedly, eager to share her idea with the other two.

“He’s a Prince?” Asami asked.

“What? No, that was just a derogatory nickname for him,” Emi shook her head.

“Oh!” Asami winked at Emi conspiratorially for some reason. “I see, now.”

“Anyway, I’ll simply stay in school forever!” Emi threw her arms wide upon the reveal of her most clever of plans.

“That doesn’t seem like much fun to Momo,” Momo opined after a moment’s silence.

“Yeah, that seems kind of gross, actually,” Asami shook her head. “Who would want to go to school forever?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be forever, obviously,” Emi shook her head. “Just until he dies. He’s old, it can’t be that long.”

“Wouldn’t your mother simply choose a different person in that case? Or change the rules of the contract so you would get married while you were in school?” Asami asked after a moment.

“Ugh!” Emi collapsed backward onto the floor dramatically, covering her eyes with the bag of candy. “Yesss.” She kicked her legs in frustration. “It doesn’t matter since there is no way in hell I’m getting married to some old guy so my mom can consolidate more money and power.”

“It doesn’t seem right to marry someone you don’t love,” Asami nodded sadly. “I support you, Emi-san!”

“So does Momo,” Momo agreed.

“As mentioned, before, I am a witch of Ideation so fear not! I have another plan. A better one! But first, I’ve got a hypothetical question for the two of you,” Emi sat bolt upright dropping the bag to the floor and staring each of them in the eye in turn, a half-smile playing on her lips. “Would either of you consider dating another girl?”

“Which other girl?” Momo asked.

“Well, not really a specific girl per se, just another female.”

“Some girls wear way too much make-up, like Aoi,” Asami nodded.

“And use too much perfume,” Momo chimed in.

“You’re both right about that but think about it!” Emi grinned at them. “You’d always have someone to go shopping with who wouldn’t complain the whole time. You’d have someone who would support you while you were on your period. Not to mention, girls are soft and have curves in all the right places. Plus, they will never leave the seat up unless they’re throwing up!”

“You make strong arguments, flatty san,” Momo said after a moment’s thought.

“You might want to skip that last part, though,” Asami supplied helpfully. “It’s not a great selling point.”

“Fair enough, there. I may have gone too far. Anyway…have either of you ever thought about getting a girlfriend?”