“Momo does not have friends,” Momo shook her head.

“Yes, you do!” Emi retorted. “Asami and I both are your friends! Isn’t that right, Asami?”

“She’s not wrong,” Asami agreed. Momo stared at them blankly for a long moment, nearly making eye contact as she did so, trying to wrap her mind around what had been said.

“You are Momo’s… friends?” She managed after a moment.

“Of course, we are,” Emi nodded. “But that wasn’t the type of friend I was talking about.”

“Of course!” Asami chimed in. “There are best friends and good friends and distant friends and BFFs and casual friends and friends of convenience and friends who aren’t really friends but show up for no reason and it would be too awkward to point out you don’t really even know their name, but your parents have insisted that you will be quick friends despite the fact you don’t have anything in common besides being carbon-based life forms and then the little brother keeps stealing your underwear and using them as battle flags in some sort of capture the flag game he’s playing with himself and the sister just lays on the floor all day talking about magazines you’ve never read and wouldn’t move even if she was on fire.”

“I…suppose there is that, yes. Maybe too in depth, but I get you,” Emi nodded.

“Flatty chan is…Momo’s…friend?” Momo seemed to be stuck in some eternal loop as she rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Plushy chan is also?”

“Is, uh…is she going to be ok?” Asami whispered conspiratorially.

“I-I don’t know,” Emi finally admitted.

Momo nodded, apparently having made up her mind about something. Emi and Asami’s jaws dropped as Momo unbuttoned her school blazer and blouse, set them aside, unhooked her bra, let it fall to the floor atop the blazer and stared in their direction with a curious smile on her face. Emi’s eyes traced from the pile of discarded clothing on the floor, up Momo’s belly to her perky breasts and back, trying and failing to find somewhere to look other than where her eyes were invariably drawn.

“What am I seeing right now?” Asami mumbled in confusion.

“Moo boobs,” Emi supplied helpfully.

“Moo…” Asami sighed, trying to find entire sentences which did not include the words ‘breast’, ‘nipple’, ‘boob’ or ‘thank you’. Eventually she gave up since her brain refused to cooperate in any meaningful way. “Why can I see your boobs?”

“Momo was told the only way she would ever find friends is if she showed her boobs or butt. Momo is sitting on her butt, so she is showing her boobs,” Momo replied blandly.

“Wait! What?” Emi scowled, anger rising like a tide inside her small frame. “Who told you that?”

“Momo’s brother, Tideki,” Momo shrugged.

“Th-That’s…wh-wh-what? Fu…wha?” Emi sputtered, trying to find the words to express her indignation and rage on Momo’s behalf but also conflicted by the sight of bare breasts a meter away.

“Your brother is kind of a jerk,” Asami shook her head sadly.

“Jerk? Jerk! He’s a…douchenugget!” Emi snarled.

“Ehehe…you said nugget,” Asami giggled, whispering the last word.

“That’s not a bad word, Asami chan. And you don’t have to show anything to get friends, Momo!” Emi leapt to her feet, legs wide apart, fists clenched angrily. “Your family are a bunch of repugnant reprobates! They are unconscionable cretins! They are zits on the backside of Japan!”

“Ewww!” Asami gagged.

“Stand with me, Moo!” Emi reached down dramatically. Momo looked to Asami for help as to what to do but Asami seemed to be lost in thought staring at her chest so, with no assistance forthcoming from that quarter Momo took Emi’s hand and allowed herself to be hauled to her feet to stand before the small girl whose face had turned a rather disconcerting shade of red.

“Thank you for the honor of seeing your boobs, Moo,” Emi declared fiercely. “They are most impressive, and I am grateful for the mental image you’ve provided. Your pink nipples are particularly impressive and fetchingly puffy. But you need to repeat after me!”

“Uhm,” Momo glanced back toward Asami who had hunched back on her legs and was staring with intense curiosity at what was happening.

“I, Momomoo, being of sound mind and, er… body do hereby declare – “Emi began.

“Flatty is not Momo. Momo is Momo,” Momo interrupted.

“You’re not wrong,” Emi abandoned her previous tactic and pivoted on a dime. “Never let anyone tell you weird stuff like that again. You are a beautiful, engaging woman with a… personality and you owe no one anything for their friendship. We are your friends because you are precious to us, not because you have very nice boobs. Is that clear?”

“Ok?” Momo stared down blankly as Emi grabbed both of her hands suddenly.

“Your family sucks, Moo,” Emi growled.

“Ehehe…you said suck,” Asami giggled again.

“Again…not a bad word, Asami,” Emi pointed out.

“Ah, but it is still funny, though!”

“Ehe, you’re not wrong,” Emi grinned. “Anyway! Since they suck, they no longer have the right to tell you anything, Momo. If they tell you strange things come to me, and I will witchslap them straight into the Meiji period where they belong. Do I make myself clear?”

“Ok,” Momo agreed.

“I’m going to save all of us. I will not rest a single moment until we are all freed from the shackles that bind us to this blinded, patriarchal society. I will be the wrecking ball to tear down these walls that confine us and lead us into a new day! A brighter day! A day where Moo can take off or leave on her clothes if she wants to!” Emi let her gaze shift from Momo to Asami and back meaningfully.

“It won’t be easy. There will be a struggle. There will be strife. There will be blood in the streets. Bonds will be tested, broken, and forged anew. We are going into war, ladies. And some of us may not get to the other side. But we are mighty! We are legion! Can I count on you both as my most trusted Lieutenants?”

“Ah!” Asami thrust her fist into the air with a cry followed by a giggle.

“Good enough! And you? Dear, sweet, still exposed Moo? Will you follow me? Will you help lead us into a brighter tomorrow?”

“Ok,” Momo agreed. “But Momo is not a Lieutenant, to get that rank Momo must go to college.”

“Of course, Moo. Of course.” Emi gestured for Asami to stand next to her and then put her arms around Momo and Asami’s shoulders, careful to keep her hand a safe distance from Momo’s pink lemonade colored nipple. “We are the Witch Squad of Eternal Vengeance Upon Those Who Would Oppress Us and Others Through Intimidation, Enslavement or Any Other Means! We are the WSOEVUTWWOUAOTIEOAOM!”

“That may be too hard to fit on a banner,” Asami fidgeted. “…or remember.”

“The name’s a work in progress,” Emi brushed Asami’s concerns aside. “But our course is set! Cry havoc and let slip the Witches of War! To battle, ladies!”

“We’re going to need more Ramune,” Asami murmured thoughtfully.