I sleep so well that I barely manage to wake when my phone alarm sounds to remind me of our destination. I scramble for some clothes and make my way stiffly to the boat deck for a view of the coast.

The Old Man of Hoy is one of the tallest sea stacks in the world and seems impossibly thin for its 450ft height. Even at a distance, the stack, and the sandstone cliffs behind it, in places more than 1,000 feet tall, tower far above the ship. 

One cannot help but wonder at the good fortune of passing time. To be alive to see something that has only existed for perhaps a couple of hundred years and that might collapse at any moment is truly a privilege. Even more mind-bending is the thought that people have climbed it and even parachuted off the top of it.

Although the views we get from the ship are magnificent, I can’t help once more feeling that a small boat down at the water would give me more scope. I seem to be building a list of places that I’d like to revisit. I can already see better vantage points for so many of the sights I’ve already seen here.

Inevitably, Evan is at the breakfast table when I arrive. I’m still favouring my right leg, but it’s not particularly painful now. Evan notices it nevertheless.

“Is it still bothering you?” he asks as I sit down opposite him after leaning over for a quick kiss.

“What, kissing you?” I ask with a slight smirk.

“No. Your hip. I was trying to be considerate.”

“Sorry. I know you were, but I couldn’t resist.”

“Do you always have to be witty?”

“Most of the time. Gilly, my best friend, tells me it’s a defence mechanism to hide my inner stupidity.”

“I see. It’s not working!”

“Damn. That hurts more than my hip. Looks like I’ve got to dump another one.”

“Truce?”

“Okay. Actually, the hip is still bothering me a bit. I might pop down to the infirmary while you are ashore and get a professional opinion. I’m sure there’s nothing more than bruising, but they might be able to recommend something that I can’t just grab from the pharmacy.”

“That sounds shockingly sensible. Perhaps you just bruised it deeper than we first thought. Rest up, get in the hot-tub, have a massage, all of the above.”

“I was meaning to ask you something. Are you always up and about so early?”

Evan thinks about this for a moment. “Well, mostly. When I’m working on something like this, it’s a good way to get to see the whole ship when there aren’t too many people about. Most people don’t want to be in a video and, honestly, I don’t want them to be in it most of the time either.”

“So, you’ve been wandering through the ship in the early mornings, camera in hand?”

“Something very much like that. It’s mostly for B-roll and filler shots, but I’ve probably got more than enough now. How about you? How is the photography going.”

“Pretty well. I do feel that I need to be nearer to the water for some of these places. I seem to be making a list for chapter two. The Old Man was spectacular though.”

“Yes, I did take a look. I had to google it last night and had no idea that it even existed.”

“Well, at least I’d heard of it. It was on my bucket list of geographical oddities.” I tell him.

“How many bucket lists do you have then?”

“Oh, dozens. Geography, countries, mammals, a separate one for cats, architecture, movie locations, all the usual stuff.”

“And are you doing well on any of them so far?”

“Only mammals and cats, but there are still plenty of cats to be seen despite how lucky I’ve been so far.”

“You need to go beyond Africa for some then?”

“Yes, Europe for lynx, the Americas for jaguar and puma and then probably India for tiger and snow leopard. A couple of the ones I have seen, I don’t have photos of either.”

“Do zoos count? I’ve seen a tiger.”

“No Evan, zoos really don’t count. If they do, I’ve seen a tiger too.”

“We really do need to compare photos and video later, if you feel like it. I should be back on board just after lunch.”

“No problem. I’ll be about somewhere. If not, you know where my cabin is now.”

The infirmary is deep in the bowels of the ship, but the staff are friendly and understanding. The medic assures me that my hip really is just bruised and I should be fine with a bit more rest. He gives me some pain-relieving cream to apply that he tells me should work better than taking paracetamol.

I’m not sure that I’m ready for a massage, but I do go up on deck and spend about half an hour in the hot-tub. Most of the passengers are ashore and it’s a perfect opportunity for a quiet soak.

Back in my cabin, I copy the morning’s photos onto my laptop and check my email. There are a couple of work-related messages about new software that needs to be checked, but nothing that has a worrying deadline. I respond that I will deal with them next week, reminding the clients that I am away from the office.

My phone has been turned off for about forty-eight hours, and when I switch it back on, there are a flood of messages, mostly from Mum or Gilly. Mum’s just keen to know how I’m getting on and I can type a very short message that will be enough to keep her off my back for a couple of days.

Gilly is a different matter. She’s almost desperate in her insistence that I get in touch as soon as possible. She seems to be a bit frantic and her messages seem so scatter-brained that they really don’t make much sense.

“Hey Gilly, What’s up?” I ask when she picks up on the third ring.

“Well, if it isn’t Mister Internet.”

“Sorry, I’m not following you.”

“Well, you are the rising star of Instagram now, aren’t you?”

“Gilly, seriously, I have no idea what you are talking about. I’ve not been online for a couple of days and I don’t do Instagram. I have an account, but I never use it.”

“So, how are there two videos @AdamCallister that both have more than 300,000 likes?”

“What videos? How many likes?”

“Well, one of you looking at some cave and taking photos and another of you walking in some mountains or whatever.”

“I’ll fucking kill him!”

“Who?”

“Evan. He never told me I was in his posts.”

“That’s funny,” Gilly mutters. “You never told me that the actual Evan Williams, internet royalty, was in your pants.”

“Gilly, that’s not fair,” I moan. “Anyway, until last night, he wasn’t in my pants.”

“And now?”

“Now, I’m sitting in my cabin with a very badly bruised hip and Evan is ashore working.”

“Bruising? Did he hurt you?”

“Gilly, don’t be daft. We were walking – probably just a few moments after the video that’s now online was shot – when I fell and landed badly. Evan might have tried to save me and we ended up kissing. He’s very nice. Well, I thought he was very nice, but he never told me about me being in the videos. I’m going to bloody murder him when he gets back onboard.”

“Is being in a video such a bad thing?” Gilly asks when I go quiet.

“Yes. No. Oh fuck, I don’t know. I don’t want to be famous. You know what I’m like. I just want to live my own life and maybe I can find someone nice – who isn’t a bone-idle druggie – and be happy.”

“Oh, Adam, don’t over-react. Evan is quite famous as an online influencer of sorts, but not ‘famous’ in the grand scheme of things, at least not yet. I’ve watched a couple of his holiday guides and they’re really good. He seems really genuine and nice?”

“Yes, Gilly, he is really nice. I like him.”

“Well, in that case, don’t be too hard on him about the videos. Just set some rules and make sure he asks you next time.”

“Thanks for letting me know. Do you think anybody else saw them?”

“Yes, Adam, at least 300,000 other people. And everyone who you have linked on Instagram, of course. That’s how social media works.”

“I’m the bloody software engineer, Gilly. You don’t have to explain it to me.”

“Sometimes, Adam, I do have to explain. You’re pretty naïve and oblivious sometimes. You should log on and take a look for yourself.”

“No chance. The highlights?”

“That twat Peter tried to shoot you down in the comments. Got his arse handed to himself.”

“Hmm…”

“You’re smiling, aren’t you?”

“Maybe just a little bit. People were positive otherwise?”

“Well, I didn’t go through thousands of comments, but yes, people were pretty positive. It seems that lots of random strangers think you’re cute.”

“Piss off!”

“No, seriously. That’s what the internet is like. Lots of questions and a bit of shipping.”

“What? Shipping?” I really do know what the internet is like, but how does it go from being in a video clip with someone to being in a relationship just like that.

“Just a bit. People seem to think that you’d make a great couple. They’re not wrong, are they?”

“I don’t know. Maybe this is just some holiday romance thing. We’re almost certainly the only single gay guys on the ship.”

“Make the most of it then. You’ve fallen on your feet this time. This is the perfect way for you to get over Peter. As an added bonus you can make him jealous. He always wanted to be famous. Truth is, we both know he’s more likely to end up infamous.”

“I will try and enjoy myself, honest. Once I’ve finished shouting at him.”

“Don’t be too harsh. He’s only doing his job.”

“I know. Thanks again Gilly.”

“You’re welcome, Adam. Listen, I’d better get back to this desk full of work. Speak again soon. Bye.”