“I have no clue of what you’re talking about.” Answered a girl wearing a red band around her arm. The white kanjis on the band could be adapted into English as Student Council.

“I don’t mean literal queen and knights! It’s more of a metaphorical way to describe your influence over the school.”

“What gave you the idea we have any strong influence over the school?”

“The throne you’re sitting on.”

The girl Henry was speaking to was the president of the Student Council. She had two spiky pom-poms attached to her head, which was a natural part of her hairstyle, unlike the two metal chains used as hair ties to hold them. Like Henry had pointed out, she was sitting on a throne made of gold, with a backrest much taller than her.

“I brought this in myself, it wasn’t given to me from the school.”

“But anime taught me that the student council is always at the top of the school hierarchy.”

“Listen, even if we had that amount of power over the school, and I wish we had the power to choose things inside this school, I would demolish three thirds of it if it was for me. And hopefully make a new one following a building plan that doesn’t look like a cubist painting.”

“Demolishing three thirds means demolishing the whole thing…”

“You're not listening! What I’m saying is that even if we had that kind of power, we still don’t have a bald person in the council.”

“Are you sure no one is wearing a toupee?”

“I can’t say I guarantee it, but I’m 100% sure there is no toupee in the student council. Look, if you’re looking for someone that could be a queen, talk to the school’s principal.”

“What about the knights? It’s them I’m really looking for.”

“Could they be the vice principals? Ah, now that I think about it, one of the vices is balding. Is that good enough, or do you want me to give you an electric shaver?”

"I'll see what to do once I get there. Thanks, I think talking to the balding vice principal is the right way to do this."

“No problem. Here,” The president passed him an iron lever.

Henry walked to the side of the room and fit the long knob into a large valve wheel. As he turned it, a metal curtain, part of the gray walls that surrounded the room, began to rise, revealing a wall-mounted ladder. He climbed out of the student council room and thanked the anime gods, which in all likelihood were thousand-years-old lolis, for making his next trip easier.

Henry knew the way to the principal's office since he had to go there when he started school. He didn't know, however, how to reach it from the point of the school he was at. It would be faster to go back to the school's entrance and follow the path he used before, but he didn't know how to get to it either. He thought about it a bit, and, since he was on the floor that touched the ground, he decided to simply get out from the first window he found. It would have been bad if someone saw him vault a window, but then he realized that the worst they could do was send him to the principal's office, which was where he wanted to go anyway.

He ended up reaching the office on his own, making the adventure faster, but less exciting. Upon coming there, he noticed that the principal didn't have her own office, but a large room shared with her vices. The door was open, and he was starting to get anxious. After all, these were the so-called (by Gimei) knights of the school. He wasn't sure if he should involve them in this hunt. He also remembered that these club activities are technically illegal, together with the whole club. But then he inadvertently made eye contact with one of the vice principals in the room, so he couldn't run away anymore.

"E-excuse me..." Henry looked around the room. There were only two people, both equipped with a traditional amount of hair. The vice he was looking for must've been somewhere else.

"Yes? Ah, you must be the new transfer student. I’m Kazoeruhito Taimou, you can call me Kazoe-sensei. Your name was Henry, right?

“Y-yes. Henry Tailer.”

“Are you adapting to the school well?"

"Yes... Finding the classrooms is a bit more difficult than I'd like, but other than that I haven't had any big problems."

"Ours is a large school. It can be challenging getting accustomed to it at first, but don't be afraid to ask if you get lost. Most students will gladly help you. So, do you need help with something?"

"Y-yes, I was looking for one of the vice principals. I haven't learned his name yet. He's the bal— I mean... He’s… The one who..."

Henry felt it would be rude to describe him as the balding one, so he stopped himself. But, lacking any other way to describe him, he slowly patted his head to hint at the fact he was balding. Something the vice principal found even more rude.

"...Nameruhito Toryou-sensei. You better remember his name next time. Nameru-sensei is also fine."

He turned around and pointed at the other man sitting at a desk behind him, hunched over dozens of papers. “That’s Taberuhito Happa, Tabe-sensei. He is also a vice principal.”

“Where is the last knigh— vice principal?”

“He already went home for the day. His name is Shiroishimamoyoukuroiferutopendenuritsubusuhito Shimauma.”

“…”

“People usually call him Shiro-sensei.”

“I will work hard to remember their names.” Henry said, having already forgotten Shiro-sensei’s full name. “Could you tell me where…” He had heard a lot of names in a short amount of time, he had to think hard to remember the right one. “Nameru-sensei! Do you know where he is now?”

“I think he went to check the gym equipment. I’m sure I can answer any question you might have had for him.” Kazoe-sensei smiled.

“Ehm… I’m afraid it’s something I need to hear from Nameru-sensei.”

“How come? We hold the same value in the school.”

“I-it’s… it’s about his… family?” Henry did not know where he was going with his lie.

“Oh no, did something happen to his family?”

“No, no! I’m just curious about his family.” He uncomfortably said.

“And why is that?”

“I… heard from a student that he had a very… interesting… family.”

“It’s not very nice to talk about someone else’s family, even more if it’s a vice principal! Who told you that?”

“N-no one in particular. It’s a rumor I heard around the school.”

“Not this again.” Kazoe-sensei mumbled. “Listen, it’s a simple family name. Sure, it’s a bit unusual, but he didn’t choose it and he shouldn’t be ashamed of it. It doesn’t say anything about who he is as a person! If you hear odd things about him because of his name, I want you to disregard them. Do you understand?”

“I do.” He didn’t.

“It feels bad when people spread rumors about you. I would know… Forget those rumors.” He patted Henry’s shoulder to push him out the door. “Now go, you probably have club activities at this time.”

“Thank you.”

Henry tried to look as polite as he could while he left the room, bowing at least three times. He went for the first corner he could find, where the vice couldn’t see him, and finally relaxed.

“How did I get away with that?! I was expecting some serious scolding!” He almost hyperventilated. “…gym! Nameru-sensei should be in the gym, or at least next to it.”

In a lucky strike of locations the gym was a separate building, and therefore Nameru-sensei should've been easy to find. And easy to find he was. This time he didn’t even have to vault out of a window to reach him. Not because he managed to get outside without getting lost, but because he happened to find the balding vice principal walking back to the office in one of the hallways. For convenience’s sake, this hallway is going to be unremarkable.

Henry wasn’t surprised by the balding. Obviously. It would be weird to be surprised by the balding head of a man in his fifties. Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off of the back of his head. The pink paper that contained both number and hint was taped to his glabrous scalp.

"I didn't know Gimei liked playing with fire that much." Henry mumbled to himself.

Or so he thought. As it turns out, saying anything while closely walking behind an unsuspecting person has a good chance of catching their attention.

“Pardon me?” Nameru-sensei turned to him.

“Oh- Sorry… My name is Henry Tailer… I’m the transfer student.”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard. Do you need help with something?”

“Well... I was wondering… Does the back of your head itch, by any chance?”

“Excuse me?”

“Cease!” A scream echoed in the hallway.

A door swung open. A mysterious student literally jumped out of the room, rolled forward, did a somersault and landed on the tip of her feet. She struck a pose. The thick, black cape she wore around her neck somehow managed to not get tangled while she bounced around, and instead flowed behind her as if moved by a magic wind. She was wearing a dark orange, also known as brown, elastic suit, adorned with a metallic belt and many plastic decorations to make her look like an insectoid alien. Her right shoulder had an overly long pad protruding in the shape of insect jaws. On her head was an overly large pair of sunglasses with added antennae, shaded enough to hide her eyes, and therefore identity, technically speaking.

She also happened to sound exactly like Gimei.

“My name is Dark! Fighter! Kimei!” She took on a different pose with every new word of her name. “Henry Tailer!” She pointed at him with yet another new pose, “I am the leader of the Dark! Fighters!", more poses, "who will conquer the planet and rule over it! Then, we will expand to the rest of the galaxy and become the most powerful beings in the universe! But as things stand now, the success of your quest impedes my path to world domination! Shall you proceed with it, I will be forced to stop you!”

“Man, I’m trying to get a phone number!” Henry was exasperated.

“What is happening here? Who are you? Are you part of a gang?” The vice principal was justifiably confused.

“I am Dark! Fighter! Kimei! And, I’m sorry, but I will have to whisk you away from this student!”

“Can we talk about this?”

“I will not let you complete this rite that easily, Mr. Henry!”

“Stop with this nonsense! I don’t know what kind of club activity this is, but I cannot be involved. I have work to do.”

“This is not a club activity, Nameru-sensei. This is a delinquent activity! One for which you will have to catch me and scold me!”

“Delinquent? While very extravagant, I don’t see anything delinquent with what you’re doing.”

“Tsk, tsk, my dear vice principal! It seems that in the heat of the moment you have forgotten an obvious detail! Look! I'm wearing something that doesn't conform with the school's dress code!”

The vice principal gasped.

“You are right! Neither full-body elastic suits nor custom-made body armor is allowed inside the school!”

“You shall never catch me alive!” Gimei ran away. I meant to write Kimei, that was a typo.

“Running in the hallways is also forbidden! Come back here, Dark! Fighter! Kimei!” The vice principal rushed behind her at a fast pace.

Henry let out a big sigh. Defeated, he began to chase the duo.

POSTFACE

- MALICIOUS WORD INDEX

Moai statue: 🗿

Negative space: When you realize the stars are looking down on you, that’s a negative space.

Lolis: How Australian people call lollipops. Technically speaking, they spell it lollies, but don’t worry about that.

Balding: The process of losing one’s scalp hair, especially on the top part of your head, where your tophat would go. The desinence -ing hints at the fact that the action is still in progress, meaning the person in question isn’t completely bald yet.