It was a small misstep. But with Hunter running at full speed and that corner of the field needing a few holes filled, his foot slipped. No amount of twisting or wriggling could prevent his body from thumping harshly against the ground. He gave himself a moment of stillness, just breathing in the Saturday morning air and feeling the cool earth beneath him. His quiet was interrupted by Kian, jogging to stand over Hunter’s body. Once he got close enough to see Hunter clearly, the man winced.

“You okay, man?” Kian had his hands against his knees, still trying to rest even as he checked up on Hunter. The man was visibly tired, his dirty blond quiff having turned into damp bangs during the games, so his pity on Hunter felt especially embarrassing.

“I’m fine,” Hunter grunted, the frown emerging on his face naturally. “Foot just slipped.”

Silently, Kian reached out and their hands clapped loudly together as Hunter got pulled up. Kian’s arms were not large, but wiry with muscles accumulated from the numerous sports he played. Which made it easy for him to help lift his larger friend.

“That looked like a rough fall,” Audrey commented as she watched Hunter stand up gingerly. She shoved some loose wisps of bleached blond hair behind her ears but the strands stubbornly flew back out. “That kid got you pretty good.”

“It was one of those fucking holes in the ground,” he snapped. “I could have caught TJ.”

Vaguely, he understood that he sounded like a child but his ego was bruised and wouldn’t let this go. 

“Sure you can, old man,” the young buck in question grinned, running backwards with the football in hand and his flag still firmly attached. Judging by the wide smile on his face, TJ made the touchdown, a nice bit of salt to throw in Hunter’s wound. 

A whistle rang across the field and twenty or so heads turned to one short woman standing off to the side. By most definitions of the word, Cindy was small, but her voice rang loudly when she told them to take a 5 minute break.

It was Cindy who’d created this flag football club a few years back. It was small and local, used more for exercise among those who’d never been able to pursue their football dreams, but still fun in its own right. Skill levels varied almost as much as the ages did since some were fresh out of college at 23 while others were sending their kids off to college at 54.

It was Sean who’d told Hunter about this place. He just saw a paper ad posted on a stop light and decided to give it a shot, quickly getting Hunter, Audrey, and Kian to join as well. Speak of the devil, Sean was already coming to meet Hunter, holding the latter’s water bottle and a towel. Maybe Hunter should get injured more often, it definitely got him better treatment.

“How are you feeling?” Sean eagerly pushed the items into Hunter’s hands, watching him intently as he gulped down half of the bottle. “You were down there for a good second.”

“Just enjoying the break,” Hunter muttered through clenched teeth, unsure of whether to enjoy or despise all of the attention. It was comforting, but it also made him feel weak. The urge to wallow grew stronger with so many comforting hands on his shoulders or rubbing his back. And wallowing clashed hard with the anger Hunter was trying to maintain.

To be clear, it wasn't the fall that had him so mad. Or anything in the game leading up to it. Less than twelve hours earlier, Hunter was sitting through what he assumed to be a rejection. He was confused, a little sad, but mostly annoyed. Which, after hours of going over the interaction again and again, turned into anger. Football helped him burn off some steam, but the wound was still fresh and now everything seemed to be bubbling to the surface. 

"Actually, can I have a minute?"

Hunter didn't wait for a reply, instead breaking off from the group to stand on the sidelines. There was no privacy here in the middle of an open field, but with his back facing the group, this was the best he would get. 

Hunter’s anger mounted and his face grew hot. Clenching and unclenching his fists was of little help but he didn’t know how else to express himself without attracting attention. As if his body was not in control, Hunter dropped to the ground, hiding his face within his hands. This was all becoming too much. Why did River have so much control over him?

"Hunter?" Audrey called softly, shocking the taller man when her hand touched his back. Hunter was surprised to notice a newfound lump in his throat and tried to clear it discreetly. Still, Audrey noticed and her brows drew together in concern.

"I'm fine, I swear I just- I'll tell you about it later, okay?"

The air of concern surrounding his friend didn't disappear, but she seemed resigned to let this go for now. Hunter was grateful. He needed time to understand what he was feeling and figure out how to tell his friends without sounding crazy. A whistle sounded through the park again and Hunter turned to a newly peppy Cindy.

"Alright guys, let's get back on the field!"

—————

Hunter’s bottle became empty a while ago but he still tipped his head back, shaking it and hoping to find more. Their game just finished and they were making the long trek back to their cars. Hunter had played hard today, and his body was now suffering the consequences. He was drenched from head to toe and the amount of water that was usually more than enough now left him thirsty for more.

“Here, take mine,” Audrey told him gruffly, shoving her bottle into his sweaty palms. “You look like a man lost in the desert.”

“And he’s just as thirsty.”

The four of them laughed at Kian’s joke, Hunter’s laughter, of course, being broken up by his desperate gulps of water.

“Why were you playing so hard anyway? You usually don’t need this much water,” Sean asked, pulling off his headband and shaking his head. It freed his shaggy black hair and sprayed the three of them in the process. 

Audrey and Kian were complaining about the foreign sweat on their bodies and Hunter enjoyed the distraction. It gave him some time to formulate a good answer. 

“It was a hot day today.”

But it clearly wasn’t enough.

“Bullshit.”

The word slipped out of Kian’s mouth easily, a quick buzzer letting them all know how much of a lie that was. Hunter tried not to look fazed by it. 

“Did it have something to do with why you walked off of the field?” Kian asked. Hunter blinked, surprised, and looked over at Audrey, but she seemed to have nothing to add. So she hadn’t told him. And, for being such an emotionally dense guy at times, Kian figured it out all on his own.

They were nearing their cars, the grass turning into the pavement faster than Hunter expected. It could have been an easy out of the conversation, just slipping into his car and driving away. But his friends were still watching him, seemingly concerned about his behavior. And after being on the receiving end of that for a couple of weeks, Hunter knew that he couldn’t do the same. It made him a little sick to imagine trying.

“There’s this bar that I started going to and there’s a bartender there that I kind of liked,” he said, rushing through the words so his moment of vulnerability was kept short. “He seemed a bit guarded but charming and I thought he was starting to open up to me. Then, I joked about taking him on a date and he made it very clear that the most he would ever want is a hook up.”

“And you don’t want a hookup?” Sean clarified. When Hunter shook his head no, he had his answer. And just like that, the energy shifted and with more expressions of pity than he’d ever gotten in the last year. Clearly rejection was an easy concept to relate to.

“I’m sorry,” Sean smiled sympathetically, patting Hunter on the shoulder. The fact that he’d just finished using that hand to scratch his sweaty stubble bothered Hunter, but he chose not to mention it. “But hey, there are always more fish in the sea.” 

The famous saying had crossed his mind after everything went down, but it did little to improve his mood.

“I know, but he was different,” Hunter insisted. “He was so…annoying.”

“Annoying?” Audrey echoed, confused.

“No, annoying doesn’t even cover half of it. Do you know how long I would spend trying to get him to share more than 2 words about himself? I would be so distracted from my work because I was thinking about him, thinking of new ways to ask.”

“Then he would suddenly be sweet or flirty and I would get so tongue-tied that I forgot everything I was about to say.” 

“I guess you really liked him,” Audrey surmised, seeming amused.

“I did. But I barely know who he is.” 

Hunter was standing next to his sleek black Toyota but made no move to get inside, leaning against the side of it with crossed arms. If their friend Luke wanted to explain sadness to his toddlers, he just needed to use a photo from Hunter wallowing beside his car. 

“What is wrong with me?” He whispered dejectedly.

“You have a crush and you haven’t had one of those in a while.”

Hunter looked up, watching as Kian leaned against the car next to him with a smile.

“Should I keep going after him?” Hunter wondered aloud.

“Maybe. Aaliyah didn’t seem super open to a relationship at first but once she opened up, everything changed between us,” Kian recounted, gaining a dreamy look in his eyes. Aaliyah was his most recent girlfriend. These days, Kian spent more time talking about her glowing qualities and gorgeous smile than anything else in his life. Hunter was now well acquainted with her resilience and strength through her transition. It was as if he’d heard the details from the woman herself. Kian was a lovestruck fool, and everyone could see it.

“Or, you might have to let him go,” Audrey cut in. “It’s hard to reconcile two different goals for a relationship. If someone doesn’t want commitment, you can’t force them into it.”

“And I don’t want to force him,” Hunter quickly explained, hands flying in front of him in an automatic surrender. “I just…want him.”

Studying his hands, Hunter’s mind reeled. He knew why he cared about River, why he was still hopeful about what they could have, but did that mean he had to compromise on how they had it? Did he need to have all of River to be content?

“You know, I’ve never had a casual relationship before,” Hunter piped up, saying the words as soon as they came to him. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to try something new. To not be so hung up on the future and just focus on the now.”

“If that’s what you want then yeah, that could work.”

Even as Sean said the words, they didn’t sound convincing. He shared quick glances with Audrey and Kian, seeing similar looks of apprehension on their faces. Hunter wasn’t a ‘casual hook-up’ sort of guy, so his friends struggled to imagine him being okay with that. Stil, they couldn’t tell him not to try. Sean was convinced it was a bad idea but couldn’t find the heart to tell Hunter so.

“Either way, I’m sure this will all work out for the best,” was Audrey’s extra encouragement. And that was the end of it. 

They drifted over to other topics, agreeing to head to Luke and Connor’s house to meet up with them and the rest of their friends. This wasn’t an unusual plan since they wanted to hang out and Luke and Connor had a hard time finding a babysitter for their basketball team of children. 

As his friends clarified the plans, Hunter’s mind circled around the idea of a casual relationship. They could be destined for a situationship, maybe even a fuckbuddy if that’s what River meant. The idea was a bit foreign to him but he was sure he could get the hang of it. The real hurdle was River categorizing him as a mere customer. He wasn’t just in the friendzone, he was in the clientzone. And to fix that, Hunter needed to get closer to him. That was easier said than done, clearly. 

But Hunter had already come this far, how could he give up now?