Aquila: The Last Voyage of the Demeter was a really good horror movie!

Kasumi: It was!  It had wonderful set design, a great sense of claustrophobia, and the characters all felt like real people.  Captain Eliot’s grief at the death of his grandson was just heartbreaking.

A: And what about Anna?  You can really get a sense of her ongoing nightmare, and the glimpse of false hope that it might be about to end.

K: You really do feel for her.  Being sold to a vampire to protect her village is just horrifying to think about.

A: And then there’s Dracula.

K: It’s a great depiction of him – Dracula is a true monster in this movie.

A: And to think it’s all the fault of one single bad travel agent.

K: ...Sorry, what?

A: A travel agent.  This entire movie wouldn’t have taken place if Dracula had just had a different travel agent.

K: I’m pretty sure it takes place because Dracula is a vampire.

A: A vampire with a terrible travel agent!  Think about it, Kasumi – Dracula is the dictionary definition of a client with special needs.  He can’t go out in the daytime, he has a special diet, and a physical disfigurement.

K: He has wings.

A: And they make him stand out and look weird to other people!  He needs discretion.  And where does he end up?  In the cargo compartment.  No wonder he’s pissed off.

K: I think murdering people and using the crew for food goes a bit beyond “pissed off.”

A: And he wouldn’t be doing any of that if his travel agent had booked him a nice cabin in the first place.  Waking up on the ship and discovering he’s rooming with boxes in the hold for weeks on end would leave anybody wanting to murder somebody.

K: So, Dracula is killing people because he’s angry at his travel agent.

A: Precisely!  Bad travel agents cost lives, Kasumi – and this movie proves that.

K: And where does Anna fit in to this?

A: Kasumi, Dracula is an evil vampire.  The teeth are a dead giveaway.

K: Meaning that Anna...

A: Anna probably stays stuck in luggage, yes.

K: Right, moving on, what did you think of how Dracula was presented?

A: I liked it a lot.  It really highlighted the biggest problem Dracula would face in his life.

K: Which would be?

A: His skin condition, of course.

K: What, you mean the fact that vampires immolate when exposed to sunlight?

A: Absolutely – just think about how dry your skin has to be to do that!

K: Again, I’m pretty sure that comes from being a vampire.

A: Whatever it comes from, it’s a terrible skin condition.  You saw him in that last scene – his face looked terrible.  It’s no wonder Dracula keeps to the shadows when his face looks that bad.

K: So what you’re saying is...

A: Dracula needs moisturizer, stat!

K: Not sunscreen.

A: Sunscreen provides protection but it doesn’t solve the underlying problem.

K: Which isn’t being a vampire, but dry skin.

A: Skin dry enough to ignite in sunlight would make anybody want to drink people’s blood.

K: I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.

A: Well, it’s not like we’ll ever know for sure – we have easy access to moisturizer if we ever need it.  But just imagine if we didn’t!

K: Okay then...wrapping up who is your candidate for best girl?

A: The figurehead.

K: Really?

A: She spends the entire movie attached to the front of the ship!  She needs to be let down, or at least given a nice warm coat to wear!

K: Right...so, we liked The Last Voyage of the Demeter, and apparently Dracula needs moisturizer.

A: Get that man some Jergens!