I started going to counselling at the end of last year.

A close friend sent an e-mail to one of the two counsellors at my school and from that point on, I do counselling once every week. The counsellor is really nice but personally I think sometimes it’s a little bit frustrating when I’m trying to explain something, and it ends up with me getting the same solution advice. I really don’t want to blame them it’s not their fault I go off topic every 5 minutes in conversation.

I really want to tell her I think I might be autistic, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m looking for attention or be those people. I am also a little nervous that they might dismiss it and say that’s it’s something else I shouldn’t worry about. I mean, I also know very well how much I overthink everything and sometimes get out of the question, but I’m almost certain this time. It’s not some one-off thing that I think about for a few days and then dismiss. I really, really think I might be autistic.

I’ve had a couple of sessions with my counsellor already and I’ve told them some crucial things. Not all of it yet, I don’t fully trust them. I did tell them about my situation with my parents and how that was going, it was an awkward conversation but for some reason I just couldn’t stop talking, my mind went on autopilot-zen mode, and I was too calm that session, considering the things I talked about in it.

I’ve mentioned my troubles with piano and how I have a fear of mentioning certain things to my parents. They took it surprisingly well, and I got some good advice. I am still yet to mention my terrible lack of self-worth, and the fact that I cut myself. I was supposed to have a session today, but they were sick. Thankfully I rescheduled and I’m hoping they’ll e-mail back soon enough.