Aquila: Damsel was a really fun movie!

Kasumi: It was a nice, solid adventure and survival story.  And, you really have to feel for poor Elodie – she starts off being put into an arranged marriage, and just when it turns out that she’s starting to like Prince Henry, it turns out that she’s just there to be sacrificed to a dragon.

A: The cat and mouse game between Elodie and the dragon were really suspenseful.  I loved the scene where she hallucinates the previous sacrifices taking shelter in the one cave chamber that is safe.

K: They could have been ghosts, though.

A: That’s definitely possible.  If I was sacrificed to a dragon and got chased around a bunch of caves, I’d be pretty pissed off after I had died too.

K: I loved the set design.  The caves were really interesting.

A: It’s a pity the antagonist wasn’t very smart, though.

K: What, you mean the evil queen who sacrifices Elodie to the dragon?

A: Who’s talking about her?  I mean the dragon.  Not a lick of sense.

K: The dragon seemed pretty intelligent to me.  Fiendish, even.

A: Think about it, Kasumi.  What do you see all around the island kingdom?

K: Islanders?

A: Images of the dragon!  Pictures, sculptures, there are dragons everywhere!

K: Well, that makes sense.  The story of the dragon is part of the foundation of that kingdom.

A: Yes, but the dragon is real, and living in the mountain.  And the island is basically using her image for everything.  And what does she get for this blatant use of her image rights?  Every generation they throw three princesses at her.  That’s just a couple of meals and necklaces.

K: I think the point is that what the dragon really wants is revenge for the killing of her babies by the first king of the island...

A: That’s no excuse for neglecting the merchandising rights!  That kingdom has gotten rich off of her.  She should have gold carriages too, and she would have, if she had just thought a bit ahead and negotiated a proper royalty structure.  Instead, she’s got a small jewelry collection.

K: Right...

A: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – nothing good comes out of negotiations based on a fetish for eating princesses.  She doesn’t even get real princesses – just lots of counterfeits, like Elodie.

K: Okay then...

A: At least now I understand the purpose of those big poofy dresses all the women have to wear.

K: Really?

A: The movie made it all perfectly clear.

K: I’m not sure I’m following you.  What do you think those dresses are for?

A: Ablative armour.

K: Sorry, armour?

A: Ablative armour.  If you’re some poor defenseless maiden in a world with monsters and dragons, you’re going to need extra protection when you’re running away.  And a nice poofy dress with a hoop cage is perfect – the monster takes a swipe at your legs, and all it gets is dress.  It makes perfect sense, if you think about it.

K: For a certain definition of “sense,” I guess.  I don’t think that’s really the point, though.

A: It protected Elodie, didn’t it?  That’s one defenceless maiden who didn’t have her legs grabbed by a dragon.

K: Elodie incapacitated the dragon in the end.  I don’t think she can be called “defenceless.”

A: I stand by my conclusions.  Assisting self-defence is the only possible reason to wear a dress like that.

K: Right...moving on, who is your candidate for best girl?

A: The glowworm.

K: Really?

A: It provides a light source and heals wounds!  Truly, it’s the Most Valuable Player of the entire story.

K: That...actually makes some sense.

A: It’s truly enlightening.

K: ...Right, just for that, I’m going to put you in one of those dresses.

A: Now, wait a minute, Kasumi, we can be reasonable about this–

K: To wrap up, we liked Damsel, and Aquila is going to look wonderful in a poofy fairy tale princess dress.

A: Kasumi, please, don’t do something we’ll both regret!

K: Come along, Aquila.  I need to get your measurements.

A: No, wait, you don’t have to do this!  Everybody, don’t make my mistakes!  Beware the dress!