It’s Christmas day, twenty-eighteen, and every last person I love is at my parents’ house. They have a huge place, big enough for all of us. Which is great, because there really are a lot of us. Aside from my own immediate and extended Italian and British family, there’s Windy and her parents, Harley and his family, including Heather’s dog, Sharpie, who goes with her everywhere, cousins, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and probably the entire southside of Queens gathered here.

Windy, to her credit, is managing to keep herself together. She hates crowds, hates parties and gatherings of any kind. She tried to argue against the whole idea of one massive family party, but Lee struck that down like lightning.

“This is a family party, Windy,” he said firmly. “You are a member of this family.”

What made that moment even better?

Mindy was standing right there. Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth with both hands. I thought she was going to yell at Lee for talking to her daughter that way. 

Didn’t happen.

Mindy was covering her mouth out of shock, yes, but she was also trying not to laugh her ass off.

Windy backed down and relented, hence why she’s here now. Because Harley told her she was coming, plain and simple. 

Making my way through the crowd, I greet them both at the door, giving Harley a hug, and Windy a kiss on the cheek. I take her hand and lead her into the family room.

“Come on, she’s been waiting to meet you all day,” I say.

Windy laughs and follows after me willingly, her hand latched firmly in mine. She’s nervous, sure, but she’s also excited. 

We walk into the family room, also full of people, and we weave around them until I finally spot Millie.

“Millie!” I call out. 

Millie turns from where she is near the Christmas tree, her blue eyes searching me out. I smile and wave at her. Her long blonde hair is tied up in two pigtails and she’s wearing a thick Christmas sweater and blue jeans. She’s shorter than me, stout, and  incredibly pretty. At least I think so, but I’m biased. 

Her face lights up when she sees me. “Dex, where were you?” she says with a laugh. She has an accent like my dad. Not very thick, but definitely noticeable.

“I had to get Windy,” I say. I glance back at Windy who’s standing just behind my arm, her eyes locked on Millie. She’s shy, nervous, but she’s smiling.

“Hello,” she says softly. “I’m…”

“Windy!” Millie exclaims, and launches herself at Windy. Both me and Lee have to get out of the way before she knocks us all down. Windy, surprised at first, returns Millie’s hug. Millie pulls away and takes her hand. She’s taller than Windy, but only by an inch or so. “Dex has told me so much about you,” she says. 

“Good things?” Windy asks cautiously, her eyes darting to Lee who’s standing just behind Millie. He grins at her.

“Of course,” Millie laughs, her eyes sparkling. She leans in and says in a conspiratorial whisper. “He says you’re like me.”

Windy is startled by that. “How so?”

Millie’s smile is so adoring, it’s hard not to love her. “We’re badasses.”

Windy’s chin trembles and I swear she’s about to cry. Lee takes a step forward, meaning to comfort her, but I stop him. He looks at me and I wink. “She’s fine,” I mouth, and he relaxes.

“Yeah,” she says with a chuckle. “Total badasses.”

Millie begins to hop up and down excitedly. “You like anime, right? Dex said you did.”

Windy nods with a smile. “I’m practically obsessed.”

“Come with me, I want to show you something.” They turn to us and I nod. 

“Have fun,” we both say. Windy beams and she and her new friend run off.

“That,” Lee says, his tone filled with amusement, “went better than I expected.”

“Want to get out of here?” I ask.

“Please,” he says with an exaggerated sigh. “I forgot how damn loud your family is.”

I laugh and take his hand to lead him out of the crowd to the back yard. He has his other hand on my waist. Either for balance, or just because he doesn’t want to get too far away from me, I really don’t know. I’m trying not to read too much into it, but it’s hard not to. Especially after the other day.

We didn’t kiss. Nothing happened. But we wanted something to happen…we wanted it so bad we nearly broke every unspoken rule in the book to make it happen.

The first rule? 

He’s not mine.

He’s Robin’s.

Yet, all this tension, all this heat, all this electricity between us is getting to such an unbearable point and I’m about to lose my mind if I don’t do something to break it.

We get through to the outdoors, breathing in the cold, crisp air, sighing with relief. Heather and Sharpie are out here playing with a few of the other kids. She waves but doesn’t join us as we make our way over the large open plot of land, covered in fresh, pure white snow. My parents own five acres of land, much of it open with some trees and some outdoor chairs, tables, and benches that almost never get used.

We’re walking side by side, our hands in our pockets, the noise growing fainter the further out we go. We’re talking softly, laughing easily. It’s so natural to be with him, like no time or trauma ever existed to separate us at all. Robin still lingers around us, but it feels like that mist isn’t nearly as thick as it once was. There’s something else, something more real, more substantial that neither one of us are willing to address.

I want to.

I want to tell him. To take that risk. 

I’m well aware I’ll never own his heart the way Robin does, but I still want to be with him, to feel his body against mine, to kiss him…

I want to fall in love with him.

“Have you told her yet?” I ask when we’re a little deeper into the copse of trees.

He shakes his head. “I haven’t found the right time. I might wait until later tonight after we’ve left.”

“Aw, you’re going to leave me here all alone?” I tease.

He laughs softly. “If I could bring you with me, I would, Dex, you know that.” I glance up to see him grinning at me. I look away with a shy smile.

“Do I?” I ask softly. The words are out before I can stop them. My mind goes blank and I swallow. I should deflect, backpedal, make some stupid joke.

I say nothing.

He takes my elbow gently as we stop in the middle of the grove. I turn to face him, those dark brown eyes locked on my face so intensely I can feel my entire body catch fire. His gaze roams my face, searching for something. I wonder if he’s looking for some sort of comparison to Robin, something he can measure me up against. If that’s the case, then I want him to look away. I’m nothing like Robin Scheffield. He won’t find any of him in me.

A moment later, his gaze does drop. “I um…” he says, his voice hoarse. He clears his throat as he pulls something from his pocket. “I got you something. I was actually kind of hoping we could have a moment alone so I could give it to you.” He grins softly. “I guess you were reading my mind again.”

I snort softly. He has a point. We do tend to be on the same wavelength a great deal of the time and we tease each other about it frequently. 

I take the flat square box and giggle softly. “You really went all out with the wrapping, didn’t you?” It just had a tiny blue bow on it.

He grins. “Shut up,” he says with a chuckle. He’s so close I can smell the mint on his breath and the faint woodsy cologne he wears whenever we go out, just the two of us.

I love it…

Does he know that?

I open the box and my breath sticks in my throat. 

Inside is the most insanely beautiful necklace I’ve ever seen. On a small silver chain, twisted within a gold wire shaped like a leaf, is a tanzanite stone, polished to a brilliant shine.

I stare at it, speechless. No one has ever gotten me something so special, so unique. Most gifts I get are winter related.

“Happy birthday,” he says.

I lift my eyes to his, still too stunned to speak. He’s watching me, his gaze unchanged from before. 

I want to say it…I want to spill my heart out and tell him everything I feel…

There’s a tiny gasp in my throat as it finally opens up. “Harley…” I whisper. “It’s…this is…I don’t know what to say, I…”

“‘Thank you’ is usually a good start,” he says, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips. 

My own mouth spreads in a smile. “Thank you,” I barely manage to utter. “It’s gorgeous.”

He takes it out of the box and steps just a little closer to me. His arms go around my neck, his lips close to my ear as he snaps the chain around my throat. The stone sits just below the hollow, warm and comfortable. I finger it just as his fingers come back around to the sides of my face, lifting it slightly. His thumb rubs my jawline and my heart is seconds away from bursting.

He swallows hard, his Adam’s Apple bobbing slowly, his gaze holding mine. His lips slowly part, and the next words out of his mouth nearly bring me to my knees.

“I like you.” 

My lips part and I can’t breathe. 

“I like you, Declan Howell. I never thought I could feel anything for anyone else after Robin. This is so strange to me, so confusing and so…” he shakes his head and looks down. “I’m selfish,” he says after a moment. “I want you, to be with you, to keep you with me and not let anyone else have you.” Another pause. “I need more time,” he says in a small whisper. “I can’t ask you to wait, that’s not fair to you. Someone else might come along, someone way better than me, and to deny you that opportunity would be—”

My mouth closes on his before another word can escape his throat. It’s fast, a deep press with little movement. He doesn’t move for a good solid three seconds as he registers what I’ve done. Hell, I didn’t even think! I moved, claiming what I want, making him understand this isn’t one sided. 

When he does relax, he kisses me back, our lips sliding together, shocks of electricity shooting down my throat as the tip of his tongue touches mine. It doesn’t go much deeper than that. I can’t let it. As much as I want to grab him, to consume him, this is all I can give him.

Slowly, I break the kiss, both of us breathless, his breath ragged and hot on my face.

“I’ll wait,” I say through a lump in my throat. I hold his gaze and put my hand to the side of his face, my fingers finding some stray brown hair to tease as I smile up into his eyes. “I’ll wait for you, Harley.”

He smiles softly back and a small sound, like a chuckle, comes from his throat as he puts his forehead to mine. “I…really don’t know what to say right now.”

I bite my lower lip as I say, “‘Thank you’ is usually a good start.”

He chuckles, pulls me closer and rests his head on my shoulder. “Thank you,” he murmurs into my neck.

I wrap my arms around him. “Merry Christmas.”