Chapter 18: Fine

Thanks to the power of exhaustion, Rebecka slept clean through the sounds of the storm raging outside and the occasional crack of a distant tree crashing to the ground. She woke with a stiff neck and back from having spent the night on the couch. Soft dawn light shown through the thick glass panes of the home's small windows while birdsong pleasantly filled the air outside.

"Morning," Sigyn grunted from the stove.

"Ugh," Rebecka groaned back.

"Hmf. You can ride in the cart today," Sigyn said.

"If I have to," Rebecka replied. She rolled off the couch, catching herself before face-planting on the hardwood floor. "You sleep by the fire last night?"

Sigyn nodded as she stirred the rice she was cooking.

"Because you're a lizard?"

The dragon woman rolled her eyes. "I'm warm blooded. It was nicer by the stove. I could stretch my legs."

"Cool. How are Rifa and Dyr?"

"Still asleep," Sigyn replied.

As if on cue, Dyr spoke up from down the all. "We're awake!"

"Sorry for sleeping in," Rifa added.

Both knights entered the living area, followed by Mokie who stuck his little brown front paws out into a big stretch with his crimson wings spread wide enough that the leading edges of his feathers slid across the floor.

"No need to apologize," Rebecka said. "I just woke up too."

"Breakfast is almost ready," Sigyn grunted.

"Thanks, but you don't have to cook for us," Rebecka said.

Sigyn suddenly looked up and glared at Rebecka with a growl that made her blood run cold. She put her hands in the air.

"You can keep cooking if you want to," Rebecka corrected.

"I will," Sigyn said.

Breakfast was rice, dried sausage, hard white cheese, and more of the heavy barely bread from the cart of supplies. It wasn't bad but Rebecka wished they had some eggs to go with it.

Everyone ate silently until Rebecka spoke up, "I have a question, Sigyn, and it's nothing personal, so don't think I'm accusing you of anything, okay?"

She replied with a grunt.

"I get why Aettartangi didn't warn us about those bandits, or whatever they were, surrounding us. But why didn't you notice them?"

"What?" Sigyn asked sharply.

"I mean, are you okay? Is there something wrong?"

Dyr and Rifa's shoulders tensed while exchanging glances with one another. Silently, they subtly gestured with a tilt of their heads telling one another which direction they'd flee if Sigyn decided to leap over the table and remove Rebecka's limbs from her body.

"I'm fine."

"You sure? Because you made a big stink about joining the party because we were too easy to sneak up on," Rebecka replied as non-accusatorially as she could. She wasn't mad. Just concerned and hoped that came across in her tone.

Sigyn stared at Rebecka before shutting her eyes slowly. She took in a deep breath then let it back out, resuming eye contact.

"I was distracted."

"That's all?"

Sigyn sighed. "Each world is different and I don't mean each planet in space. This world, Utgard, is different than the Earth I was last on." Her eyes darted back and forth as if searching the air for the best phrasing while she paused. "You know about the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics?"

Rebecka was taken aback. She was sure she had understood some of that last sentence but never expected to hear them come out of a seven foot tall dragon woman.

"Uh...let's say I'm surprised you know what quantum mechanics is and that likely means you know way more about it than I do," she replied.

Sigyn let out an amused snort. "The quick explanation is: this world is so far removed from my own that I'm not used to how my existence manifests or functions here. I can't use the level of magic I'm used to, for instance, and my senses are dulled. It's harder for me to focus on scents and sounds here than I'm used to. Shapeshifting is more tiring, like this world can't parse me in full."

"So, you're?"

"It's like a computer emulator running a program. The PC can do it but it's not the same as it would be with the original operating system. Sometimes it's glitchy as fuck," Sigyn said with her claws in the air.

Dyr leaned over toward Rebecka and asked in a whisper, "Do you understand any of this?"

"Kinda," Rebecka replied. "You're still getting used to how it feels to be here and for whatever reason you can't use all your powers?"

"Yes, and I don't like it. I've been to many different worlds and this one feels...it feels foreign. Alien. I'm not myself here and I hate it. I've never had dysphoria before but this seems close. I'm sorry I've been taking my frustration out on all of you," Sigyn said with her shoulders slumped.

Now, if only we could get Aettartangi to apologize like that, Rebecka thought.

Aettartangi didn't comment.

"Apology accepted. If there's anything you need just let me know, okay? I mean, it's not like I can do much but I'm willing to listen. Just so long as you don't go too heavy into the quantum physics end of things," Rebecka replied with a smirk.

And also, thanks for not tearing my arms off for asking what was going on, Rebecka thought.

"You're welcome," Sigyn said.

Oh, shit, right. She can read minds.

***

The party packed their supplies and anything useful they had found from the nearby homes. The pot Sigyn had used, for instance, joined their supplies along with a larger pan, a soup pot from the neighboring house, and a bag of barley flour that the previous residents had left behind.

"We still have to deal with the bodies," Rebecka advised while she was securing her go-bag in the back of the cart. "I have a shovel we can use."

"It'll be faster if I dig the hole," Sigyn said as she gently pet Baby's face. The horse leaned into her just below her ribs.

"Right. Giant dragon powers."

Sigyn snorted, which only made Baby wiggle his ears.

Something is up with this horse, Rebecka thought.

Aettartangi didn't reply.

Many of the smaller body parts had been washed down the steep hillside into the river by the storm. It did little to combat the horrible smell. Rifa and Dyr hung back while Sigyn and Rebecka looked over the rotting carnage. Everything was still damp from the rainstorm and covered in various kinds of flies, a few of which Rebecka even recognized.

"I don't suppose you can get your axe to clean this up?" Sigyn asked with a huff.

"Hey, Aetty. I've got some bodies for you to eat. Breakfast time. Wakie wakie. Hmm, nope. Nothing. I think it's still mad at me."

Sigyn snorted. "Rifa, come here and use your cleansing magic on this shit while I find a good place to bury everything."

"Right, yes, right away," Rifa said. She ran over, noisily in her armor, to stand beside Rebecka. "Will you be alright if I use a spell?"

Rebecka nodded then took a step back. "I think so, if you're not casting it on me, but I'll move just in case."

"Come here, Rebecka!" Sigyn called from a flat green space further down the river.

The walk over to Sigyn made Rebecka's legs hurt to the point that she wondered if Aettartangi had done something to intentionally weaken her body. She wasn't in bad shape and was used to being on her feet a lot. She was even used to not sleeping well or on a comfortable location from time to time. However, it was still possible she was merely tired and sore from the previous day's walk. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end when she was almost to the dragon woman. Rebecka turned in time to see Rifa cleansing the remains with a spell. The gentle glow over the area dimmed as the awful odor faded.

Did I just sense her using magic? Rebecka wondered.

Yet again, Aettartangi remained silent.

"Hold my clothes."

Sigyn threw her shirt at Rebecka's face. She barely managed to catch the hoodie and jeans before Sigyn started to transform. After a few moments, the seven foot tall dragon woman was once again a full sized dragon, standing nearly wrist deep in dark wet mud. She eyed the chunks of bodies by the bridge then used her claws to dig a large hole in the soil. She gestured at Rebecka for her to back up, then walked on all fours to Rifa. It took a couple trips back and forth for her to transport all the body parts to the hole, then she buried them. All Rebecka could do was stand there with her arms full of the dragon's laundry.

"I'd like my stuff back," Sigyn said after resuming her humanoid form. Rebecka returned her belongings wordlessly. "You're more quiet than before."

"Just...thank you for doing that. Especially, after you said it was hard for you to change. I wish I could have helped. I feel pretty useless right now," she said.

"You held my clothes and you can say some words for the dead. See them on to Hel properly. I doubt any of them were bound for Valhalla," Sigyn said as she got dressed. "Not to mention you can still use an axe and your shotgun. No matter how long that thing in you throws a fit, you're not useless, Rebecka."

She couldn't tell if the feeling in her gut was her own or something bleeding over from Aettartangi. A mix of anxiety and shame. Rebecka was physically capable of fighting and defending herself, even if she felt like she'd been run over by a truck.

She wasn't a failure.

The quest had just begun. There was ample time to get Aettartangi on the same page as herself.

Dyr and Rifa joined them near the newly created mass grave. Mokie fluttered around near Rebecka's feet. He stopped when she stepped forward to kneel by the pile of dirt. A distinct feeling of eyes on her caused her to look around briefly. Seeing only the two knights, Sigyn, and Mokie, made her relax and turn her attention back to the freshly turned soil.

"We don't know who you were or who you've been claimed by but your deaths were not kind, even if they were quick. We pray to the gods that you have found your way." Rebecka wasn't sure what else she could say, which made the feeling of shame rise up again. The religion she knew and followed wasn't exactly the same as that of this world. The people they had just buried were likely from a totally different planet as well.

What right did she have to send them off to her gods?

"And if you're listening, Hel, feel free to kick them out if they're assholes," Sigyn added with a huff of a laugh.

"Freyja, receive your pick. All-Father, take the remainder if in battle they died. Hel, oversee the rest," Rifa said.

"All-Father, Freyja, and Hel," Dyr said with a bow of his head.

At least they know who Hel is, Rebecka thought.

The weight of worry left her shoulders. There really wasn't a set frame she had to conform to. She could be herself and learn what that meant in Utgard along the way.

"Mo momo mo," Mokie cooed from next to her.

She pet his head, "You said, it, Mokie."