My cell felt small. It was spacious, with a bed, sink, and a curtain to cover yourself when using the toilet. To me, though, it confined a prison. Being made of slime, I am used to tight spaces. If I abandon my clothes, there isn’t a place I can’t slip out of. A small crack in the wall, loose floorboard, or even a keyhole is all I need to slip out. The issue was I couldn’t but shouldn’t escape.

If I ran, they might think I’m guilty. Ethan knocked out the cameras and hid his tracks, so shifting the blame to me seemed logical. Especially with my odd apprentice, some crewmates were waiting for a reason to justify their discomfort and hate towards me. Though, none of that mattered to me.

All I was focused on was what Lien would think of me. What would she say? Would my words weigh heavier than her sadness? To parents, aren’t facts just circumstances surrounding the death of their child? Thats why I wanted. I hope the time in the cell will give her the space she needs to consider what I am saying.

Then she came. After a month in the brig, I could hear her boots’ heels clacking down the step. Lien prided herself on her appearance in front of the crew. It was more than a symbol of power for her, but a promise of collected control in any storm. No matter the situation, death of the crew, lost cargo, or the brink of starvation, she always presented herself the best she could. A symbol in those trying times. She is still as sharp as ever and will handle her troubles.

She came down smelling of booze, wearing a stained T-shirt, stained captain pants, and a wrinkled jacket. She was carrying a sack of clanging glass. Her hair was a mess, and she had circles around her eyes. Others might have seen a captain losing it; I saw Lien in pain.

“Lien I… I’m glad you came down to visit.” I spoke. She didn’t respond. Instead, pulling a chair right in front of my cell. She made sure to keep the barrier up. She knows I can escape at any minute, but she knows I won’t.

“I want to start off by apologizing. I know the circumstances were justified, but that was your son, and it will still heart-”

“Justified,” Lien interrupts. “You start your apology by justifying yourself. Ha! Maybe you are a god.” She says, reaching into the bag and grabbing a bottle. “No, tell me, mister Justified, why was it okay to kill my only son?”

“I know you already know what he was up to,” I say in a gentle tone. She doesn’t break eye contact as she takes a sip. “I want to know if you knew what he was up to before that day.”

“I knew something was up, " she says as her eyes drift to the ceiling. I didn’t know it was him. I had other suspects in mind.”

“Yet I’m still in the cell. Yet everyone thinks I did it in cold blood.”

“Yet my son is still dead.”

“We made a promise to each other. You remember, don’t you?” Her eyes drift from the ceiling down to me. “We have each other's back. That’s why I haven’t escaped. I… i don’t want to hurt you.”

A bottle crashes by my head. Her eyes are full of rage as she stands from the chair. “You already did! You inflicted a wound far greater than any foe. A wound that can never heal! You didn’t need to kill him. You are strong enough to restrain him until I arrive.”

“There was no way of contacting you. I didn’t know when you would be back.”

“So, his life mattered less?”

“Compared to the millions that could have died. Yes.”

“He would never have gone through it.”

“You didn’t see the look in his eyes. He was going to do it. I’m not saying he wouldn’t care because I believe he would, but Ethan would have still gone through with it.”

“Don’t you say his name?” She spits at me. We were silent for a moment, letting the words sink into our skin.

“Why did you give it to me?” I said, looking at her. She avoided my gaze as she slumped back into the chair. “I never married you for the crew, the ship, none of it. I always assumed you were going to give it to Ethan.”

“Because you would be the perfect captain.” She responds by drinking a new bottle.

“I could never be one.”

“Now you have humility.” She chuckles to herself. “You have all the qualities. You have a firm hand willing to make the hard choices but a gentle grip willing to cradle the crew's problems. You are smart, strategic, and diplomacy-wise. Science and magic aren’t your strong suits, but you don’t need that. This way, the ship would have a captain for hundreds of years.”

My eyes shake as I stand up when she says that. “You know?”

“I had my suspicions, yeah.”

“Yet you still choose me over your son.”

“You saw how he reacted to not getting the ship. Deep down, I knew he would do anything for power, even kill this crew and sink our ship if he wanted badly. That not a captain to me.”

“Then why am I in this cell? You agree with my choices and think I am the best choice for the crew. You understood how Ethan was.” She twitched when I said his name. It was a sign to stop, but my anger wouldn’t let me. “Yet I am here in this cell, waiting for you, waiting to comfort the woman I love and hopefully receive some myself because I cared for him too. We made a promise. I am your husband, your partner.”

“And he was my son!”

Right then I realized what I said didn’t matter. She doesn't come down there to get understanding or allow me to fight for my side. She was there to grieve and release her anger. A part of me grew furious about the thought. I saved so many, but I am here receiving the punishment, but that part died quick. All I saw then was the one I love hurting. The pain I caused. I realized I needed to be more than what I was before, and all I could blame was myself. I still don’t know today if that is right, but that’s how I feel.

She reached into her bag and pulled out an empty mason jar. I looked at it, and she placed it in the cell through a food tray slot.

“Get inside.” She said as she sat back down.

“I looked up at her, waiting for a second part of that sentence that would never come.”

“What if I say no?” I asked.

“Then we fight.” Her eyes stared at the jar, unable to look me in the eye. This is your punishment. You will suffer the same fate as my son. Afterwards, I will disband the crew. I will tell them the truth and how you saved millions.”

“As long as I get in the jar.”

“Thats right.”

“Do you still love me?”

“I do. I just think I’m not strong enough to overcome my anger and my pain. I don’t deserve to be a captain. I will, though, avenge my son.”

I stood up and walked to the jar. “If it would heal your pain, I would do anything for you.”

“Please stop.” She whimpered.

“I care about you over myself. I would gladly die a hundred times if it meant you get to live one good life.”

“Please, Cid, stop.” She buries her head in her face.

“If this can bring you peace, then let it. My only regret is that I had hoped we were strong enough to recover from this. I am useless and unable to help cure the wounds in both your and Ethan’s hearts.”

She didn’t respond, instead weeping into her hands, unable to look at me.

My clothes dropped to the ground as I slithered into the jar. Lien stepped into the cell and picked me up, tightening the lid. She didn’t look at me still.

I wish I was heard. I wish the promises we made each other would have been strong enough for my words to be heard. I wish Ethan had reached out to me before taking matters into his own hands, but that is what they are. Just wishes. To this day, I don’t think I can blame Lien. She operated on what she knew. Then why, every time I think of her face, I remember Ethan’s laugh. My chest swells with a pain that eats at my soul.

She walked to the side of the ship and dropped into deep space. She didn’t give me any final words, and to be honest, I don’t think I could have handled any.

There I was, drifting in space inside a jar, with my only hope being that either a passing ship would pick me up or that I would slam into one, freeing them from my punishment if I survived. At that moment I didn’t feel like a god, or even like the hero. I just felt my heart breaking.

I was just a jar filled with tears.