A week had passed since I fed from Ilian. It’s taken me time, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the complexities of our companionship. The overwhelming, bone shaking fear I had about feeding from him has transformed into a dull panic. I still worry though that I will one day take too much. But he constantly reassures me that will never be the case. I fear he has more confidence in me than I do. But then again that’s Ilian, ever optimistic, ever willing to see the absolute best in people, even if they don’t necessarily deserve it. His kindness truly knows no bounds. His soul is a pure untainted wonder. 

We transitioned to feeding alone in our room, his idea of course, not mine. The first day of the transition was hard. We had to study on completely opposite sides of the room from each other as the scent of him drove me to insanity. But being alone with him like that was worth the wait. He hated having an audience watching us, but truthfully I didn’t notice either way. When I fed from him he became my world. The hum of his voice was a tender melody in my ear and I reveled in the feel of him in my arms. I often found myself dreaming of our sweet sanguine embrace.

Our training was supposed to have moved to the colosseum days ago, however, Landon and Pan kept getting themselves into trouble the minute they were released from lockup. Palaemon was at his wits end with the two of them, and Ilian and I desperately tried to stay off of his radar. We didn’t want to anger him more than he already was.

Every day for the last week, Finney would gather Ilian and I and bring us to the tower. We would spend most of our morning walks listening to Finney talk. The first day he ranted for a majority of the trip only to realize halfway through what he was saying and who he was saying it to. I’ve never seen embarrassment paint someone’s cheeks so fast. He was rather apologetic about his tirade, and swore us to secrecy that we wouldn’t repeat any of what he said. Ilian and I had no qualms about that though, who were we going to talk to anyways besides each other? From then on each morning, Finney would vent about the isle politics and Palaemon’s growing anger. He would always follow up a rant about Palaemon with nothing but praise for his character and how much he loved and cherished him. Palaemon was under extreme duress at the moment and it was causing him to lash out more than usual. Finney, who was almost always with Palaemon, ended up being at the center of Palaemon’s rage. A part of me felt bad for the two of them. They held such a close bond with each other and it was being tainted by things far outside of their control.

On our way home the other night, as Ilian skipped ahead of us eager to chase after a new shadow he’d seen, Finney struck up a hushed conversation with me. The sadness in his veins was potent and I could hear the remnants of tears still choked in his throat as he spoke. He apologized for bringing up such a conversation with me, but needed to talk lest he break down. Palaemon had spent much of the afternoon in a catatonic state by the river. Finney had been searching for him for hours, only to find him like that. Staring off into space, tears flowing down his cheeks as he cried silently. The sight of him like that terrified Finney and he was worried about his companion. When Palaemon finally came to, he pleaded for Finney’s forgiveness for the way he had been treating him. After a thorough discussion with Palaemon, Finney had managed to talk him into giving up some of his duties. Finney assured his companion that he would make sure the tasks would get done, all he wanted was for Palaemon to try and take some semblance of a break.

I assured Finney that I didn’t mind him venting about his troubles to me. In fact I quite enjoyed our conversations. It gave me an insight into what was going on around camp. Not to mention it made me feel more secure being around Finney. I wasn’t worried anymore about angering him and having to face his punishments. So long as I didn’t have to face hazing or any beatings, Finney could rant and vent to me all he wanted. The only downside to our talks is that it made me feel guilty. If it wasn’t for the ridiculous orders from the king, they wouldn’t be going through all this nonsense. It made me feel obligated to help where I could. So when Finney asked if I could try to talk some sense into Landon and Pan, I agreed without thinking it through. Something I was now seriously regretting.

I stood outside the building where we kept mages who had gotten out of line. It was a short cramped building, covered in thick vines showing just how long the structure had been here. There were many spots on the building where the vines were the only things holding the crumbling brick together. 

Sighing, I entered the building and shut the heavy oak door behind me. Inside there were two guards stationed, one flanking each side of the rusted metal door leading to the cells. They greeted my approach with confused snarls. Clearly they weren’t used to seeing an Isturn walk so carefree into this building. Little did they know, I was trembling at the idea. I didn’t want to be here, but I couldn’t go back on my promise to Finney. Did I think Landon and Pan would listen to me? No. But I had to try.

“I’m here on Nelote Finney’s orders,” I said, my voice shaking more than I wanted it to, “He said to give you this,” I muttered as I offered up Finney’s note.

The female guard snatched the paper out of my hand and studied it closely before looking up at me with an incredulous stare. She did a double take on the paper before handing it off to her partner. It was clear to me that they didn’t believe a Nelote would trust an Isturn like me.

“It’s got the Nelote’s insignia on it and his signature. We have to let him through,” the other guard ordered.

Reluctantly they unlocked the door for me and pointed me in the direction of Landon and Pan’s cell. I doubted they would be happy to see me. They had taken to causing havoc since their first punishment. Apparently they were still angry that they had consequences for fighting Taurin, but he had none for killing Ty. The second they were released they would find the closest mage available and unleash their fury on them. It never worked out for them though. The other mages in the camp were still here because they were fighters. They knew how to defend themselves and how best to hit back. Many of them had seen the battlefield, those that hadn’t had that luxury yet were well versed in colosseum fighting. One thing I had to give Palaemon credit for, he knew how to build his team. After the initial journey of learning your abilities and gaining rank, he would pair his mages off with those whose abilities and fighting styles best suited the new saerahin members. From there they would do everything together. They worked with the fluidity and grace of a well oiled machine.

So Landon and Pan would quickly find themselves back in their cell awaiting yet another punishment, starting their vicious cycle all over again. I didn’t blame them for their outrage at first, but I had since lost what little empathy I had for them. There was no reason to attack the other mages, they were innocent in this. It was making it hard for me to find ways to try to appeal to their reason. I spent most of last night talking with Ilian, trying to figure out what I should say to them. Ilian had no issues coming up with a thousand speeches of how he could appeal to their reasonable sides. I tried to memorize some of them, but it sounded so fake coming from me. Ilian agreed it was probably best that I not try to recite someone else's words, he even said I was unconvincing. He then followed it up by saying I sounded like my father. Though Ilian didn’t have much experience with the man, he distinctly remembered the sole time he traveled with his family to the castle. They had come to plead for additional rations for the town as a bad storm had recently depleted them. My father had responded to them with insincere words, fabricated by his council. The thought that I sounded like that made me cringe.

Landon and Pan sat huddled in their cell, their skin molten with bruises. They looked as if they hadn’t bathed in weeks, and I’m sure they hadn’t. Ilian and I were only allowed to bathe every other day, I’m sure those in confinement weren’t granted that luxury, I know I wasn’t when I was stationed in June’s camp. They looked at me through their matted hair and scowled angrily. 

Swallowing my anxiety I spoke to them in a calm tone, “It’s been a while. Ilian and I have been worried,” while a small white lie on my part, Ilian at least showed worry for these two.

“Go away,” Landon growled through his gritted teeth.

“I came to talk to you two. To talk you out of fighting every time you leave this cell,” I started.

“Go fuck yourself,” Pan hissed.

I sighed internally, “I understand you are mad, and that’s okay. But you don’t need to act out like this-”

“You don’t understand shit, you freak!” 

My irritation clawed at me and I felt my empathy evaporating, “I understand more than you think. I spent my first four months on this isle getting punished everyday. At least you did something to deserve a punishment, all I had to do was breathe!”

Landon and Pan grew quiet at my outburst. I felt bad that I had raised my voice at them like I had, but their attitude was severely getting on my nerves.

Taking a breath, I continued, “Look, no one wants to be here. No one thinks it's right that Taurin got out of this without even a slap on the wrist. But that doesn’t mean that it’s okay for you to continue attacking people who don’t deserve your anger. They were forced into this life just like we were. Who are we to make their suffering worse just because you were too stupid to think you could take on an elder and win.”

“Bold words coming from a freak like you. Go back to your little shadow slut and leave us alone,” Landon spit.