The sounds of the camp had since died down, now the only noise was the distant crackling of the fading fires. Ilian lay facing away from me, but I could tell he wasn’t asleep yet. He had an air of unease about him ever since I came back. After dinner he failed to press into the matter any more, but I could sense that he wanted to. I just wished I were man enough to give him what he wanted, but even hours later, I couldn’t find the courage to tell him just why I had failed. 

Deciding to punish myself further for my failure I had declined Ilian’s earlier offers for me to feed, something I now regretted as the aches filled my stomach. He smelled so sweet and inviting as he lay next to me. A comforting warmth surrounded him, just begging me to scoot closer and lose myself in him. But I somehow found the will to stay away. So I lay here in an excruciating uncomfortableness as I studied the outlines of his body. 

Reach out, embrace him. Do you want to leave him laying in the cold like that? I could feel Desire’s tendrils wrapping themselves around me, dragging me deeper into his influence. Standing up, I shook off his touch and walked out of the room. Ilian stirred slightly as I moved away from him, but he kept his eyes shut and continued to pretend to sleep. Hopefully my absence would allow Ilian some rest. 

Roselyn sat at the end of the hall and gave me a sleepy look as I approached, “Can’t sleep?”

I shook my head no, “Some nights I think it's better not to sleep, the Gods know that if I did, my demons wouldn’t let me rest peacefully anyways.”

“I don’t blame you, you know?” Roselyn said, “We all think it was foolish of Finney to send you in after those two. It wasn’t your place. Wasn’t your responsibility. The only reason he did is because he failed worse at it than you did. At least you put them in their place.”

I offered a small smile at Roselyn’s attempts to make me feel better. But deep down it just made me feel worse that the whole camp knew just how badly I had failed. How badly I had contained my anger. It was only a matter of time before Ilian found out the details of my encounter with Pan and Landon. Only a matter of time before Ilian dubbed me unworthy of his kindness.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going out. I think I’m going to try and train a little,” I said to Roselyn.

“Why don’t you take Topher with you. I know he is just itching with boredom out there.”

I nodded to Roselyn and headed past her towards the entrance to our barracks. Topher jumped from his slumber as I opened the rusty door. The loud screech of its hinges tore him from his sleep.

“Sorry, I was heading out to train a little bit. Roselyn said you might want to join me,” I apologized to him for my sudden arrival.

Topher wiped the sleep from his eyes, his voice groggy from how tired he was, “Sure kid, why not? Better than the morning crew finding me out here asleep,” he laughed, “It’s hard to stay awake by yourself. Don’t ever choose the night shift kid, I’m telling you its a special kind of torture.”

“Noted,” I laughed.

Together we walked carefully between the tents of the camp, our footsteps as light as possible so as to not awaken the mages nestled in their dreams. Taking off to the west we headed deep into the woods, our path lit by the ethereal mage lanterns. Beyond their glow I could faintly see the outlines of the forest fauna. Chirps of the midnight barra filled the air, the faint glow of their scales could be seen in the tree branches as they hunted for their prey.

 Midnight barra were a nocturnal creature that plagued the forests at night. Their bodies were long and thin, they had no arms or legs and slithered through the trees with the grace of a twisting river. Their heads were covered with a large cowl, the shadow of which only made their blue eyes glow all the brighter. I know that Ilian would be excited by their presence, as they were not common in the port towns that he called home. New things always excited him.

It wasn’t long before we broke through the trees into a small glade. The glade was used as a personal training ground, giving new and tenured fighters a chance to practice in peace. A place to experiment without the eyes of the elders critiquing your every move. A thick layer of sand coated the forest floor as an attempt to absorb any excess water from training. Even with the protection of the sand, the canopy of the glade held a slight yellow tinge to it. An effect of the near constant overwatering that the surrounding trees were subjected to. One of Palaemon’s favorite punishments to give, was to have his water mages slowly pull the excess water from the trees. Something that was a slow and grueling task. Those wayward souls would find themselves out here for hours on end as they carefully extracted the water from its roots and leaves.

Heading over to a hastily built rock chest, I pushed the lid open and pulled out the large jar of blood that I had saved for practice. I opened the crusty lid and gagged at the smell of rot that was contained within. The blood was drawn from the carcass of an ursnip that was hunted a few days prior. Ursnips, a wiry creature with four diamond shaped eyes on the top of its head, were often used as hunting practice around the isle. The fast and agile creature was perfect to teach us how to stay on our toes and learn to anticipate our opponents next move. If one was caught, we would use its long and thick furs to make extra bedding or clothing for the camp. Finney was part of the hunting party that had taken this particular ursnip down and had thought to save its blood for me to use in practice. My only hope was that people would continue to bring me more. The increasing stench got worse and worse as each day went by. Part of me wanted to forget to close the lid all the way so it would dry up and I wouldn’t have to smell it anymore. Pushing my distaste aside, I swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat and moved back towards Topher.

“What are you working on currently?” He asked me.

“I’ve only just started really. I’ve been taking inspiration from the water mages in camp and the way they bend the water. I’ve been trying to replicate it with the blood, it's just hard to do it on a scale big enough for it to cause actual damage to my opponent.”

Topher pulled a large basin of water from the chest and set it on the ground, “Not a bad idea, but try taking inspiration from more than just the water mages. Take ice for example,” he explained by raising the water from the basin and using it to form an icy sword, “Why don’t you try and form a weapon with the blood. Try to harden it as an ice mage would.”

I pondered if that were possible. In theory when blood dried it was harder, but that would make it impossible for me to use. Could I compress it another way to make it into a weapon? Topher’s suggestion tugged at the back of my mind as I traced the intricate lines of his sword. I studied the weapon for a few moments longer, allowing myself to take in the curves of the blade.