Pi, the Ultimate Lover

You should never date the number Fifty-Nine;

It has trouble with its follow-through and passion.  All

Your evening would be going nifty, fine –

Then you’d find your date was something far too ration-al.

You might think you were in bliss,

That your night was going great;

But then you’d ask it for a kiss,

And it’d quickly terminate.

You might say, “well shucks, that puts an end to my night.”

Then again, your fault for dating something finite.

So

Have a date with Pi, the number that never ends!

You’ll never have to cry!  Pi never says, “let’s just be friends.”

If your life is going poor,

Go out with three-point-one-four (that’s just a piece of the Pi!)

You’ll swoon and sigh

if you’re loved by

an amorous Pi.

It would also be a terrible mistake

If you tried to hit it off with Thirteen Thirds.

You would wind up stuck with more than you could take

Of its monotone and unrelenting words.

Thirteen Thirds goes on forever,

But, hey, fractions aren’t that fun,

And they’re not exactly clever,

So you’ll wish you had a gun

To stop its droning on: “point three-three-three….”

Maybe you should just stay home and watch TV.

Or

Have a date with Pi, the number that never repeats!

Pi will never lie, and a good Pi never cheats!

It’s got all of the right curves,

And you’ll love the sexy swerve

That smoothly lies

Atop the thighs

Of a well-built Pi.

The number ‘e’ isn’t interesting, it’s boring!

It’s naturally logged into stuff you hate.

You’ll find yourself stifling your snoring

While it’s continuously compounding interest rates.

A date with ‘I,’ if you were willing,

Might be pleasant in the end,

But you’d find it unfulfilling,

Like an imaginary friend.

You will find, in fact, that most numbers are hideous

When compared to the ratio of a circle’s circumference to the value of twice its radius!

[Note: some people complain that it’s hard to emotionally support a Pi that’s in the middle of its period.  Fortunately, there’s an easy fix: just date two Pi at the same time – they’ll have just finished their period!  The French call this strategy “menage a trois-point-un-quatre-un-six…”]

So

Have a date with Pi, the number of the heart!

You know that once you try, you’ll never be apart!

You can live it up in sin (or cosin)

With the ancient Greeks’ best friend!

Nestled betwixt three and four,

It will be yours forever more!

It will dispel all your banality

With its sheer irrationality!

You can talk of love and diameters

And write in cheesy pi-ambic pentameter.

Pi’s are wise, Pi’s are nice,

And a good Pi never dies!

Have a date with Pi, have a date with Pi, have a date with Pi!