Ash had thought he knew how much he wanted this. How much he wanted Eiji. But fuck, he’d been wrong. Nothing could have prepared him for how this all felt.

Eiji kissing him from above like he couldn't get enough. Falling apart right in his arms. Breathless. Beautiful. Like a dream. Because that’s what this had been for so long. Just a fucking dream. But now Eiji was his. Ash could feel it.

Ash groaned into his mouth, dragging him down, desperate. And when he shifted beneath Eiji, adjusting just slightly, Ash's knee angled up, and—

Eiji’s entire body shook.

Holy shit.

Ash could feel Eiji pressing against his leg, shuddering from just that tiny touch. He peeled away from Eiji's lips and whispered, not even trying to hide the untamed hunger in his voice, “You like that?”

“I—I do.”

Ash swallowed hard. He slowly rolled his knee up again, feeling the tension, the shiver. And the little helpless sound Eiji made… “Fuck,” Ash breathed. His hands slid down, over Eiji’s ass, and he pulled him into another trembling grind. “You’re so fucking hot.”

The second the words left Ash’s mouth, Eiji stiffened. His body stilled, like something had short-circuited inside him. Then, without a word, he turned his head away.

Ash immediately let go. "Eiji?" Ash's hands hovered, unsure if he’d done something wrong. “Want me to stop?”

“No, no, no. It's just—" Eiji paused, blushing. "You can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Like what?”

“That I’m—you know.”

“…Hot?”

Eiji gave him a tiny nod, looking everywhere but at him.

Ash huffed a quiet laugh. “Why not?”

"Because."

"That’s not an answer."

Eiji smiled, but his shoulders hunched slightly like he wanted to disappear. "Because I’m not.”

Ash’s chest squeezed. “Hey.” He slid his fingers beneath Eiji’s jaw, tilting his face down, forcing their eyes to meet. "How can you say that?"

"Because I don’t look like that."

"Like what?"

The pause stretched way more anxiously than Ash wanted to admit. But he swallowed his worries, and waited. Eiji let out a quiet sigh, and so so quietly, Ash barely heard him, whispered, "Like you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You’re…" Eiji looked down at Ash, his expression helpless with a half-smile that wasn't fooling anyone. "You won’t get it."

"Try me."

Eiji pressed his lips together. His eyes darkened, uncertain, and painted with something Ash couldn't quite name, but it made him freaking nauseous. "I guess, I just…" Eiji said nervously. "I’ve never been the kind of person people want."

Jesus.

Ash almost laughed. Not because it was funny but because it was the most insane thing he’d ever heard. "Eiji." Ash gripped Eiji’s waist, guiding him up as they both sat down. Their bodies stayed close, but the way they both saw this situation couldn't be further apart. "You cannot be serious."

Eiji let out a quiet, hollow laugh. "It's fine," he murmured. “I'm used to being me.”

Ash stilled. Something about the way Eiji said it—so desperate and certain—made it seem like it wasn't just shyness; it was as if Eiji had made peace with it a long time ago. And Ash couldn't stand it. "Eiji," he said gripping Eiji's back, slowly pulling him closer.

"It's okay. Really." Eiji glanced down. "I didn't mean to ruin the moment. I'm sorry. I still want this."

Ash clenched his jaw. From all the things that had happened today, this was the most ludicrous one. "Eiji," he repeated, louder, wishing, hoping, that Eiji would hear the plea in his voice.

"Ash, it's okay. I like this. I like you. It's just me, I'm not—you know—"

“Fuck, Eiji.” Ash wasn’t letting him finish. Whatever self-doubting, self-sabotaging thing had been about to leave Eiji’s mouth, Ash was going to demolish it.

He yanked Eiji closer, and pressed into his throat, kissing him. Hot. Insistent. Teeth catching just enough to make Eiji shiver. To make him groan.

"Ash—" Eiji whimpered.

Ash peeled away from Eiji's neck with effort. "This," Ash said, popping open the button of Eiji’s jeans. Casual. Effortless. Like he wasn’t aching for him. "You want this?"

A shaky exhale ghosted against Ash’s ear. "Yeah."

"Good." Ash drew circles over Eiji with his knuckles, feather light, but enough. Enough to send a tremor rippling through Eiji's spine, to make his hands seize tight in Ash’s shirt. "But first," Ash whispered, pulling his hand away. "Say it."

"What—?"

"Say you believe me." Ash pressed his hips forward, slow, controlled, giving him just enough friction to feel it, to know what he could have. “You’re perfect. You're hot.”

Eiji let out something close to a whimper. "I'm—I'm not—" His body stuttered forward, instinct taking over, chasing the contact.

But the second Eiji pressed against him, Ash pulled back. Just enough. Just so he couldn’t have it. "You don't have to believe it yourself," he said. "But believe me."

A raw, frustrated sound ripped from Eiji’s throat. "You—"

Ash grinned, amused, smug. "Me?"

“You’re—” Eiji sucked in a sharp breath as Ash rolled his hips again, slow, deliberate. "—Unfair."

"Oh, really?" Ash moved, again and again, slowly, almost losing himself; barely resisting the urge to peel Eiji's jeans away. And fuck—

The way Eiji’s breath broke. The way his body tensed, pressed up, needing more. Ash gritted his teeth. His breath stumbled. Not yet. He pulled himself away. Completely.

Eiji snapped. A ragged, desperate noise punched from his chest, his hands yanking Ash back, fingers digging in, refusing to let go.

Ash let out a breathless laugh, smug and teasing, but shit, he was losing it too. "You know what to say."

Eiji’s nails raked over his back, his thighs squeezing so hard it almost hurt. His forehead pressed to Ash’s shoulder, breath shaking, wrecked. "…I believe you." And then, voice breaking apart, soft and desperate—"So don’t—" His fingers curled tight, pulling Ash down with him. "—don’t stop. Please."

Fuck.

That tiny, desperate please.

Ash couldn't take it anymore. With one swift movement, he pressed Eiji into the mattress. Hovering over him, Ash leaned in for a kiss. Eiji lifted his head, meeting him halfway, drinking him greedily.

The stars burned white-hot above them. Ash barely noticed. His whole world was right here. Beneath his lips. The stars could disappear. The Earth could vanish. Ash wouldn't care. Because now, now, Eiji wanted him. Needed him. And that was more than enough. More than he could have ever asked for.

As soon as Ash pulled back, he quickly finished undoing Eiji's pants. His fingers brushed against the heated skin as he pushed Eiji's boxers down just enough, and—

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Ash stilled, eyes trailing down, then up, drinking him all in. He didn't want to admit it. Never. But for a while now, Ash had imagined it too many times. In too many ways. Hell, he'd see it in his dreams too; and, even hidden behind the veil of fading consciousness, it always felt so real.

But now—

Now it was real.

Eiji squirmed. “W-what?”

Ash released a shaky breath, a faint, honest smile curling at his lips. “You have no idea what you're doing to me,” he murmured, running a hand down Eiji’s stomach, then lower, feeling the way he tensed in his palm.

Eiji shivered. "I'm not—doing anything."

"Eiji, you're—" Ash was barely holding on. "—you're so fucking perfect it hurts."

Eiji swallowed hard. When their eyes finally met, he whispered, "You—you too—I want you. So bad."

Ash forgot how to breathe. He reached down, wrapping his fingers around both of them, pressing them together, both hot and swelling in his palm.

Eiji jerked, his body going taut.

Ash tried to take it slow, tried to tease, but he couldn't. "God, Eiji,” he gritted out, his own restraint slipping. He tightened his grip and picked up the pace, losing himself in the heat, the wet, desperate sounds falling from Eiji’s lips. The sight of him like this, so wrecked. And his.

“I—,” Eiji gasped, his whole body tensing, his fingers curling tight against Ash’s shoulders. “I—I’m—”

Ash kissed him hard, swallowing every broken sound. His movements turned frantic, his own pleasure cresting, almost unbearable. “I love you,” Ash breathed, raw and desperate, right there—

"Ash, I—" Eiji shattered beneath him. His body arched. Breath cached. A strangled, gasping cry broke from his lips, sending Ash over the edge right with him.

Ash groaned against Eiji’s mouth, drowning in heat, in the pulsing waves of release, until his muscles gave out, and he collapsed against him.

For a moment, all Ash could hear was breathing.

His. Eiji’s. Theirs. Tangled together, rising and falling, deeper and slower. The midnight air was cooling them, but it was still warm between them, thick with heat, damp with sweat.

There was something else, too. Something weightless. Ash felt it in the way his shoulders fell with ease. In the way his fingers didn’t curl into fists. And his mind, for once, wasn’t overflowing. Instead, there was only this. Only them.

Ash let his head rest against Eiji’s shoulder, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest, his fast, hypnotic heartbeat.

It was strange. The stillness. Ash knew it should have scared him. And deep down, he felt the primal need to move, to run, to do something—anything. But he didn’t. For the first time in his life, he didn’t. He just wanted to stay right here. To see him.

Ash shifted up on his elbow. Eiji was already watching him from below, his dark eyes still hazy, lips kiss-bruised, and hair mussed. For a moment, they just looked at each other.

Ash couldn't help but wonder. Was there a universe, a timeline, where each morning he got to wake up to this messy hair? Somewhere warm and cozy, made for happy people to live. Somewhere, where this odd calmness was his new norm. Their new norm.

Eiji smiled. Small, soft, and a little shy, like he had been thinking the same thing. Ash smiled back, running his hand down Eiji's hair. No matter how lucky the other version of him was, this Ash was the luckiest he could get.

“I love you too.” Eiji's words came out without warning, and Ash stilled.

The first time Eiji said it, the words had practically wrecked Ash. He was afraid they'd do the same again, maybe even send him into another brain aneurysm spiral... But as they landed deeper, they settled so easily. It almost didn't feel real.

I love you.

Ash had heard it before. Many times. Enough to know it could mean anything or nothing at all. But this? This was different. Eiji wasn’t saying it because he had to. Because he wanted something in return. He wasn’t saying it to fix him either.

He was just… saying it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like it had always been true. And god, Ash should have said something back, should have kissed him, should have done something.

But before he could, Eiji frowned. Just a little. “Ash?” His voice was quiet, careful.

Ash blinked, confused. "Yeah?" His throat tightened with the fear of him somehow fucking up this perfect moment.

Eiji hesitated, eyes searching his face. “What’s wrong?”

Ash shook his head. What, he wanted to ask, but when he looked down at Eiji again, he saw tears falling down his cheeks. What did I do, he was about to ask, but before the words could materialize, Ash felt warmth flowing down his cheeks.

Eiji wasn't crying.

It was him.