I let go and went wherever we were going and enjoyed the flow. It was much more heart-touching and much more moving than anything I’d ever felt before. I was losing myself, whereas, at that same moment, I found all I ever was. This return of innocence was of a kind that I could never again lose. Now, sex was innocence. Now, sex was love. Thanks to this one friend, I got to accept and know sexuality with all its divine beauty and power. No longer was it standing in the better-behave corner; now I knew that sex was a large part of me, and cutting it down would mean cutting myself down.

As this door opened, it opened even more, and my life became richer in many ways. More than one curtain had been lifted, and now I got to see the entire play.

This eye-opening experience had happened just a few months before arriving in this beautiful summer city. It was maybe three or four months ago that that certain man and I had made love, and three or four months hadn’t been a long time in my past. There had been years without even a kiss. But now, knowing what bliss it was to love, these four months had been an eternity. I so much wanted to hold someone’s hand, kiss someone’s lips, nose, eyes and ears, hands, legs, belly, chest, and everything; I so much wanted to love a man. Hold him in my arms. Feel him lying on my chest or resting my head on his shoulder. Feel his arms around me. See sparkles in his eyes. Let him be a man free of duty and me a woman free of expectations—pure love. I wasn’t looking for a soul mate or a husband. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted anything serious. I only knew I wanted to love again and trusted that love would show the way.

***

 That’s who and how I was when I arrived in the city. Open. Excited. Curious and bursting to love. And now – here – was this attractive man in his navy-colored suit with the white shirt and handkerchief. Smiling. Harassing me. Daring and distancing. I felt his body scream, ‘Love me!’ and I really wanted to. I also felt it sending signals: ‘Be aware – I can wound.’ A tempting contrast. Honey to bees. Irresistible. My curiosity grew with every brief smile, with each looking for him, with each finding him.

I’d finished my plate and was nipping on my drink. These New Yorkers sure know how to make a fine cocktail. There wasn’t any ice in it, yet it remained cool during the entire meal. There was a lot of traffic on the street. It was a small street with pedestrian sidewalks on both sides, but this didn’t keep it from being busy; it was packed. Shiny Mercedes, the long version, specially made for US customers. Big, black Escalades. Of course, all with darkened windows and taxis, tons of taxis. Commercial SUVs and light trucks mingled: Water plumbers, electricians, cable TV, there even was a large truck loaded with wood logs. ‘The Woodman’ was written on its side. Wow, so that’s how freshly axed wood gets to breathe urban air. Just a few weeks earlier, I was with friends in Sweden. We stayed in a cabin next to a lake in the middle of a never-ending forest. It had its own little sun deck, a boat, a sauna, a big outdoor bar-b-q, a cozy fireplace inside, and stacks of wood were piled in an open shed. There, the wood was natural. It belonged. Seeing this loaded truck in fancy SoHo made me laugh. I figured it was on its way to the posh penthouses and ritzy Tribeca lofts – maybe Lady Gaga was just this very moment expecting her weekly wood delivery before relaxing in front of her fireplace, cuddling up with a lover, or perhaps she was about to throw a s’more-party.

“How did you like it?” he was back again, taking his round.

“Ah, it was so good. And the fries – delicious.” He looked at me as if saying, ‘Hadn’t I told you?’