Ten: On the Rooftop 

Rocket sat outside the bathroom door while Philo took a shower. He had covered up the big mirror in the bathroom just above the sink with a blanket, pinned to the top with two clothespins. Philo could confidently say that this shower was the least stressful shower that he had had in a long time.  

After he was done and out, dressed in some baggy pajama pants and a graphic t-shirt, he stepped back into Rocket’s room. Rocket was there, just like he said he would be. He was stretched out comfortably on the bed, ankles kicked over one another, scrolling on his phone aimlessly. Once he saw that Philo had left the bathroom, he sat up, dropping his phone to his side.  

“Did the blanket stay pinned?” Rocket asks, adjusting his glasses on his nose. 

“Yeah. Thank you, for that. And thanks for not asking questions, either.”  

“Of course, Philo.” Rocket rubs his hands together awkwardly. “Look, I know I made you promise to talk to me about everything tomorrow, but you really don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable. I just worry, you know?” 

A small, intimate smile grows on Philo’s mouth. “I probably won’t tell you everything, to be honest. I don’t think I can even say it all out loud yet, but I can give you some context. And for the record, I am really sorry that I yelled at you the other day. You were just trying to help me.”  

Rocket waves it off like he always does.  

“Want a beer?”  

“Sure.”  

“Want to sit on the roof?”  

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 

The trip to the roof was easy, there was a simple access point from Rocket’s bedroom window. Rocket slid it open and hopped out, and Philo could tell he did this a lot. It was a little harder with one hand, as the other one held the beer. And there was no way Philo was dropping the beer.  

Once they both sat down and laid back, Philo lit a cigarette and alternated between the beer and the smoke. From there, the Nerora stars shined brilliantly, lighting up everything they touched with blue and yellow twinkling colors.  

“Do you remember when I totally bombed that Chem exam?” Rocket asks, taking a calculated swig from his beer.  

“Maybe. Which time?”  

“Oh, don’t be an ass.” Rocket swipes at Philo playfully, who dodges. “Anyways, I was going to say thanks. For staying late and helping me study at the library. I was freaking out before that, and I did way better on the next one because of it.”  

“You’re welcome.” Philo takes a long drag of the cigarette. “I didn’t mind doing it.”  

“I was surprised when I found out you had dropped out, you know.” Rocket says, staring hard at the rows of houses beyond them, painted delicately in the glow of the moon.  

“I didn’t intend on doing it, not at first.” Philo hums. “But my grades were so bad; I had to.” 

Rocket lets out a little laugh. “You’re so smart, so I never understood why you didn't do well.”  

Philo snaps his head to the side, eyes wide. The way Rocket said that, like it was the easiest thing in the world to say, like it was second nature. Like he meant it. Like he thought he was smart, and it was irrefutable. It made Philo’s face flush with embarrassment, and his heart sped up with nerves.  

“I skipped a lot, and I went to too many parties.” Philo explains, ignoring the strange feeling in his chest. He decides to switch the subject before Rocket can compliment him even further. “So, you said you and Leo had a falling out? What happened?”  

Rocket seems to hesitate, messing with his hands before answering.  

“Yeah. The thing is, Leo and I... we were complicated.”  

“How so?” Philo gnaws on his lip. 

“We weren’t just friends; we were more than that. Do you know what I mean?”  

Philo’s eyebrows narrowed with confusion, “You and him dated?”  

“On and off. For about a year. He moved out because we finally broke up for good.” Rocket rubs at his arm, not looking at Philo now. Not at all. If there was even a chance Philo could hate him for being gay, he wouldn't look him in the eyes. He didn’t want to see the hatred on his face. He couldn’t bear it. “I understand if you’re uncomfortable now. Around me.”  

“Huh?” Philo grunts, cigarette now lodged in his mouth, dangling out and sending ash everywhere. “Why would I feel uncomfortable?” 

“Some people are. You know?” Rocket blurts, feeling awkward.  

“Well, I’m not.” Philo declares, finishing off the beer and crushing the can with his hands. “So, you’ve had sex with a man before?”  

Rocket’s face flushes with embarrassment at the boldness of the question, but he sheepishly nods, looking away and off into the distance.  

“How was it?”  

“It was fine. Are you trying to compare notes, or something?” Rocket gives Philo a questioning look. “Because, I’ve never had sex with a woman.”  

Philo tries his best not to think about Sara, but he can’t help it. He feels himself tense up, and he draws his cigarette up to his mouth and takes a long, deep breath. He coughs afterward, leaning forward with his hand on his chest.  

“Are you okay? That was a deep one.” Rocket’s patting at his back.  

“Fine.” Philo blinks lazily at Rocket, who tilts his head at his expression. “I was asking because I’ve always been curious.”  

Rocket blinks, unsure if he heard Philo right.  

“You’re... curious about having sex with a man?”  

“Sure, why not?” Philo finishes his cigarette and pushes it down into the roof. “It's crossed my mind before.” 

“So, are you bi?” Rocket leans forward, crossing his arms over his knees and settling his cheek on his arms, facing Philo. Philo thought he looked cute like that, cheek smushed against his elbow. 

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it before, to be honest. I just know that I’m not completely straight, and now... I mean now, I don’t think I’ll ever want to be with a woman ever again.” Philo says, his voice drifting off at the end, his eyes growing distant.  

“What do you mean? I thought you--”  

“Nothing. Never mind.”  

“...Alright.” Rocket runs a hand through his hair.  

They fall silent for a while, and Rocket stands up, brushing his pants straight and heading for the window. He let Philo know he would be back with two more beers, and Philo let his brain have a moment of reflection.  

So, Rocket was into men. Why did that fact make him happy? Was it because Rocket was an attractive guy? A sweet, caring guy who clearly cared about him?  

His mind flits to the day they fixed up the stair banister; Eero had made a childish comment about Rocket having a crush on him. Philo tried his best to push that thought away, to crush it before it rose to the forefront of his mind, but the longer he spent with Rocket, the harder it was becoming. 

When Rocket appears back through the window, two beers in his hands and a bottle of tequila, Philo throws him a questioning smirk.  

“Are you trying to get black-out drunk, tonight?” Philo accuses him, and Rocket gives him a playful little shrug that has Philo laughing until his sides hurt.  

“Maybe. Only if you will, too.”  

Philo reaches for the tequila and opens the cap. He takes a brave swig, way more than a regular shot. The taste makes him gag, but it was a familiar taste. A familiar sense, and he was with a friendly, familiar person. This was the best night he had had in a long time, and also, ironically, the worst.  

“You’ve still got it in you.” Rocket gives a weak little cheer and claps his hands together, handing Philo the other beer and sitting back down beside him.  

“I’d say that I’m still an expert drinker, even after college.” Philo tells him, finger flying up in the air and pointing towards the sky like a dork.  

“Well, I’m going to need you to prove it to me.” Rocket laughs, and Philo thinks he could stay here forever, drunk talking to Rocket on his rooftop under the brightest night of stars.