The very next morning, Maruyama decided to take us to the mall.

 It was a baaad idea....

For us, a shopping mall wasn't just something foreign, it was also a landscape for disaster.

Hongbing stopped dead in the atrium, his senses going on overdrive at the sheer amount of sensory input he was receiving from nearly every nook and cranny he could find, from the shrill laughter of children ricocheting off marble floors, the sickly-sweet stench of artificial butter from the popcorn stand, The neon signs around us flickered in unnatural colors, advertisements featuring eerily perfect faces loomed from every surface,  mirrored ceilings created endless reflections that would give any tactician vertigo. And worst of all, the moving staircases that devoured people at the bottom and vomited them out at the top. 

While he suffered, I enjoyed every bit of it, my worries momentarily forgotten; I had never witnessed this many people crowded in one area, especially for buying things. This was an all-in-one stop for nearly everything! 

The moving stairs were the beginning of a disaster that I had never anticipated

"Demonic contraption," Hongbing muttered. His hand flew to his hip where his sword normally rested.....  a gesture so instinctual I saw his fingers twitch when they found only empty air.. It was a symptom I recognised, the subtle tremor in his voice. The stance and how his pupils dilated like a cat confronting a larger predator. It was not fear exactly, but the controlled tension of a warrior assessing an unknown threat in his surroundings. His shoulders tensed beneath his rough-spun tunic, every muscle coiled like a spring. I'd seen this same readiness before battles, when scouts reported enemy movements in the fog.

Maruyama sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that hour. "They're called escalators. Step on and don't......HONGBING NOOOO!!!!!!"

Too late, my ever-diligent assassin buddy had already assumed a defensive stance......left foot forward, knees bent, arms raised in perfect White Crane form....... as the escalator dragged him upward. The sight of a 6'2" former imperial assassin in full combat posture riding an orange-lit staircase would've been hilarious if it wasn't so painfully embarrassing.  

"IT'S ALIVE!" He bellowed, gripping the rubber handrail like it was the reins of a demonic horse. "JINCHENG! IT'S TRYING TO THROW ME!! IT'S TRYING TO THROW ME OFF!!!!!"

I buried my face in my hands, feeling the heat of secondhand embarrassment creep up my neck. Just yesterday, this man had lectured me for an hour about maintaining imperial dignity in foreign lands. Now he was... The chorus of high-pitched giggles erupted behind us before I could finish the thought. A group of young girls in pleated skirts had their smartphones raised, their screens flashing like tiny lightning strikes as they captured his humiliation for all eternity. The telltale click-click of shutters mixed with their whispered "KAKKOI!!!" and "SUGOI!!!" Whatever that was......

One particularly bold girl in a yellow hair ribbon stepped forward, her phone's camera lens gleaming like a weapon. "Ano... sumimasen," she began, clearly mustering all her English, "You... YouTube? TikTok?" Her friends giggled behind their hands, already composing something in their pretty heads.

Our old man moved with surprising speed for a man in his early forties. "NO PHOTOS!" he roared in Japanese, suddenly looking every bit his age as he waved his arms like a deranged man. His face flushed crimson as he alternated between bowing apologetically to passersby's and making frantic slashing motions at the girls' phones. "Delete those! He's... he's mentally ill! Very tragic! Family shame!"

The girls scattered like sparrows, though not before the bold one in yellow turned back to shout over her shoulder, "Tikkutokku ni mō appurōdo shita yo ojīchan!!!!" (Already uploaded it to TikTok grandpa!!!) Her laughter echoed off the floors as she disappeared into a store.

We finally reached the top. Hongbing immediately dropped into a defensive crouch and started scanning for threats. When the escalator deposited him safely onto solid ground, he turned back to glare at the mechanical beast as if memorising its features for future vengeance. The way down proved no less traumatic. he attempted to descend the ascending escalator, resulting in a comedic stationary jog that drew even more cameras.

('Oh lord, Hongbing, please stop, I beg of you!') I pleaded in my head as I saw the scene unfold all over again!.

Maruyama looked ready to combust. "I need a drink," he muttered, rubbing his temples. "And possibly a new identity."

I couldn't help but notice how the mall's security cameras (as they are called) had all pivoted to follow our progress. In our world, such blatant surveillance would have signalled an imminent ambush. Here, it seemed as mundane as the flickering neon signs advertising "50% Off Summer Collection!" (reading from the signs) Seeing all those stares burned..... for the first time since awakening in this place, I finally understood how animals must have felt when we had captured them, exotic, out of place, constantly observed. It was unsettling, really.

Hongbing adjusted his robes with wounded dignity, his cheeks still flushed from the escalator ordeal. "Mark my words," he growled low enough so that only I could hear, "when we reclaim our rightful place, these mechanical demons will be the first things I dismantle."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that, judging by the dozens of 'cellphones' still pointed our way, and what Maruyama had said about social media like TikTok and YouTube, his escalator duel was probably already halfway around the world. The thought sent a fresh wave of dread through me.....  in our time, reputation was everything. What damage had just been done to ours in this strange new realm where every fool with a rectangle of glass could immortalise our humiliation?

Maruyama seemed to read my thoughts. He sighed, placing a weary hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. By tomorrow, there'll be a new viral video of someone's cat playing piano." At my blank look, he shook his head. "Just... come on. Let's get you some normal clothes before you accidentally declare war on the food court."

As we moved deeper into the mall's belly, I couldn't shake the feeling that every reflective surface, every security camera, every smartphone in casual hands represented a new kind of battlefield,  one where our carefully honed warrior skills meant nothing, and our every misstep could become global entertainment before we even realized we'd made a mistake.