⚜ Charmolypi A feeling that is both sorrow and joy

“Try to get some sleep, you look exhausted,” Cornelius sighed once he got me settled on the soft bed. “I’ll bring you some food later; it’s about mid-day now.”

He turned to walk away, eyes tired and sad. A sharp pain shot through my chest, and I lunged for him, “Bia, wait!”

I didn’t even realize what I had said until I found myself halfway in his arms, eyes locked on his, with his face twisted in confusion and surprise. I swallowed, sitting back on my knees and playing with the ends of my hair. In front of me, Cornelius leaned down to try to look me in the eye, gaze painfully concerned.

I took a shaky breath, “P-please don’t leave me.”

Cornelius visibly swallowed, curtly nodding. I held out my arms, wanting nothing more than to be held. To feel a kind touch. He complied, albeit with some reluctance and more than a bit of confusion. I nuzzled his shoulder, blinking back tears. His chest rose and fell beneath my head. I could feel his heartbeat beneath my hand. He smelled like smoke and honey.

He was the first to dare to crack the silence. “Who’s Bia?”

I swallowed, “...My brother. We used to be so close.” My voice cracked, and I let the tears fall. “I-I don’t know when he got so cruel.”

Cornelius just held me, running his fingers through my tangled hair and his hands along my back. He tenderly placed a small kiss on my head, which I leaned into. I took a deep, trembling breath.

“Please stay,” I rasped. “Please. I don’t wanna be alone anymore. A-and you’re the only one that can.”

He nodded, “I’ll stay, Augustus. I’ll stay.”

I dissolved into more tears, quieter this time. He just held me. He held me like Bia had all those years ago.

“I-I miss Bia,” I whimpered. “Want Bia. Hate Bia.”

“Tell me about Bia, Augustus,” Cornelius softly requested.

I sucked in a shuddering breath, rubbing my wet eyes. “Older brother. Used to love me.” I whimpered, “W-we used to be so close. H-he used to protect me.” I nuzzled Cornelius’s coat. “Wh-when did he stop caring? What happened?”

“I don’t know, Augustus,” he kissed my head again. “Sometimes people change for the worse.”

I swallowed, “H-he used to, to hold me, when I was scared. H-he used to let me into his room when I had nightmares and just… hold me.” I sucked in a deep breath, releasing a tired chuckle. “He always smelled like flowers.” I breathed in the scent of the man holding me now. “You smell like smoke. And honey.”

“Smoke and honey, huh?” Cornelius chuckled. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

“I like it,” I whispered, running my fingers down the seams of his coat.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen your brother?”

I tilted my head, running my tongue along my teeth in thought. “...How long have I been here?” It couldn’t have been more than a few days.

Cornelius looked at me in surprise.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Sometimes, my brother would visit. He would talk to me, sometimes. Tell me about how it hurt him to see me in chains, how he still held love for me,” my voice cracked. “I want to believe he still holds love for me, but…. Then he would hit me, or yell at me, or kick me, and leave.”

“Oh my gods,” Cornelius breathed. He held me just a touch tighter. “Augustus, I don’t think that man holds any love for you anymore. I don’t know what happened to him, but I know that people who love you will never treat you like that.”

I just nodded, unable to find any words.

“Augustus?” I looked up at him. “Is your brother… a friend of the emperor?”

I swallowed, tilting my head from side to side. “...I…. I don’t know.”

“You were high-class, weren’t you?” Cornelius’s question was answered by the flicker of panic in my eyes. “That’s how you know how to read. I-I was assuming that you were poor, that your family came upon hard times, but….” He shook his head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re safe now.” He tucked my head into his shoulder. “No one’s gonna hurt you while I’m around.”

I sniffled, refusing to let the tears overcome me. “C-can you do it again?”

“Do what?”

“...Bia used to kiss my forehead a lot,” my voice was barely a whisper. “I-I didn’t realize I would… have that… reaction. C-can you do it again? Please?”

Quiet and stillness for a moment.

A pair of lips softly touched my crown, firm yet gentle.

And, for the second time that day, I cried.

⸺ ☽ ⚜ ☾ ⸺

Sleeping in a bed was weird. But the past few nights ‒ if I had actually  fallen asleep at night ‒ had been nice, sleeping under warm blankets on a proper mattress rather than curled up tight on a pile of straw with a few threadbare blankets. The clothes were nicer, the food was proper….

But, at the same time, the caves which housed the rebellion, of which I had only heard angered whispers, also frightened me. The stone walls and floor, and the fact that I couldn’t technically wander around even if Cornelius kept assuring me I could, reminded me all too much of the dungeons. I had only ever been in a few fleeting places: my new room, which was right next to Cornelius’s; the infirmary where the medic ‒ a strange magma child that looked like a night child, named Waylon ‒ tended to my raw ankles and wrists and my bruised feet; and the pools. Walking still hurt something horrible, with my feet being so horribly bruised and scraped from my escape.

I spent most of my time in bed, relishing the warmth and softness which I had forgotten existed in the world, either reading or repeating my name and identity. The identity that the strange dragon boy had returned to me, whether he knew it or not.

“My name is Augustus, and I’m a person who deserves happiness,” I whispered to myself, huddled under the blankets with my knees to my chest. “My name is Augustus, I am not a beast, or a slave ‒ especially not to my own brother ‒ or a toy to be taken to bed by greedy nobles. I am a person, and I deserve happiness. My name is Augustus, and‒”

A knock came at the door, “Augustus?”

I stayed silent. It wasn’t Cornelius.

“I-it’s me, Elkan. We met a few days ago? I have some food for you. Cornelius sent me; he got caught up in a meeting with Stefan.”

I swallowed, forcing my voice a bit louder, “Y-yes. Come in.”

At first, I feared he hadn’t heard me. But then the door opened and closed. I curled up tighter under the blankets. I heard ‒ and smelled ‒ him approach, along with the wafting smell of meat. Something was placed on the bedside table.

A dragon smelled weird, I had discovered the first day I met him. It was a pure smell, similar to freshly fallen snow and the deep forests of the Wild Lands. It was an ancient smell, one that inhabited the very soil and seas of Esan. I liked it.

“I don’t know how long Cornelius will be talking to Stefan,” Elkan told me. “Do you need anything else while I’m here?”

I thought for a moment, then muttered, “I…. Will you stay? Just for a bit?”

He sucked in a breath. “Uh…. Sure. Not like I have anywhere better to be.” The weight on the mattress shifted as he sat. “...You doing okay?”

I let out a scoff.

“Understandable. I guess all of this must be pretty scary. B-but, uh…. I know what it feels like to be looked down upon. To be treated like a beast. I get it. But you and I…. We’re not beasts. We’re just people.” He sounded like he was having trouble believing it.

“I…. Close your eyes?”

“Hm?”

“Please, close your eyes.”

“...Okay. They’re closed.”

I took a deep breath, shifting and shuffling my way out from under the numerous blankets. I peeked over the edge, softly gasping at the young man who sat on the mattress near me. I slowly sat up, head tilted curiously.

I had never seen a dragon before. Even in the old books, they were never really drawn or described besides being giant, scaled creatures with wings, snatching up books and gold and royals. Beasts.

This boy was no beast.

He was younger than me, and had wavy black hair that fell to his collar. His ears were surprisingly round, even rounder than mine, with no visible point like all the folk of Esan had. Sprouting from his back, there were two webbed wings, neatly folded and still surprisingly large, with bits of deep purple fur and feathers. From his forehead, there came twin purple horns, smooth and almost glimmering in the dim lantern light of the stone room, curving back along his head and then a touch up. He had a tail, thick and black-scaled, with purple accents. There was a scar down his lips, on the right side of his face. Along his cheekbones and forehead, there were purple scales. He wore a dark blue tunic with gold accents and knee-length grey pants. The pants and tunic had been altered to allow for his wings and tail. His feet were bare. He didn’t seem to feel the cold as I did, at the very least not as intensely. Perhaps he was just so used to it. Perhaps it made him feel safe. It only reminded me of imprisonment.

Was he really a dragon?

I shakily reached out to brush my fingers along his cheek. He flinched, then settled. I felt the scales, surprised at how rough they were beneath my fingers. His wavy bangs partly hid the ones on his forehead.

I slowly pulled away. “...Pretty.”

Elkan bit back a smile, keeping his eyes closed. “Th-thank you. I-I’m sure you’re pretty as well.”

I had never been called ‘pretty’ before. Beautiful, lovely, gorgeous…. Most often when I was trapped under someone. But never pretty. I liked it.

“I-I’m gonna turn this way,” Elkan motioned in the opposite direction, “so I can open my eyes.” He turned, careful to not let his wings hit me. “...Augustus? Why did you want me to stay?”

I swallowed, turning to take up the tray of food. “I just…. I don’t know.” I sighed, exhausted yet unable to rest. “I’ve been alone for so long, and‒ I just‒” I bit my lip, blinking back tears. “I don’t want to be alone and cold anymore. A-and, as much as I’m grateful for you all taking me in…. Everything here is so nice and‒ But‒ The caves, they…. They remind me of the dungeons. Cold a-and alone, and‒” I choked, rubbing my wet eyes. I leaned back against Elkan’s back. “I don’t wanna be alone and cold anymore.”

I felt Elkan slowly nod. “Is that why you were hiding under the blankets?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” My voice was weak and quiet. I blinked back tears.

“I’m sorry the caves remind you of the dungeons.”

I shook my head, “Just…. Unfortunate.” I looked around the room. “This is so much better than the dungeons. But…. It’s also a huge change, and‒ The last time I had a change this big was….”

“Was when you were sold,” Elkan gently finished. My chest tightened and my stomach twisted. “You’re not gonna bounce back overnight, Augustus. You’ve been through a lot. You need to take the time to adjust to your new surroundings before trying to heal all those mental wounds.”

The ghost of a smile passed over my lips. “You’re very wise.”

He scoffed, “No, not really. I-I mean, apparently I have a brilliantly strategic mind, but…. I’m just repeating things Ethyn’s told me.” He seemed embarrassed about it.

“Who?”

“Ethyn. My lover.”

“Oh.”

Another stretch of silence. I kept eating, melting at each bite of the meat. There was also a side of jerky, and some slices of old apple. I leaned back against Elkan, and he pressed against me in a comforting manner. The edges of his wings dug into my back.

“What’s it like?” I whispered.

“Hm? What’s what like?”

“Being a dragon.”

He let out a breath that was almost a scoff. “It’s…. It’s terrifying. It’s not like there’s anyone to teach me how to be a dragon, so….” He sucked in a breath, “I have the whole spitting-fire thing down. But, uh, the transformations….”

“Transformations?”

“Y-yeah, I‒ I transform. Wh-when I get angry, or upset, or overwhelmed, my body just… transforms. Into a dragon. That’s, um‒” He cleared his throat. “I’m… not myself, when I shift like that. Not entirely.”

“...Does it hurt?”

He almost scoffed, “When it’s like that, yeah.”

“And… the fire-breathing? Does that hurt?”

“...Not as much, anymore.”

I hummed in interest.

Finally, I said, “Thank you.”

“Hm? For what?”

I shrugged, “For staying here. For bringing me food. For being so kind to me. It’s been a long time since people have been kind to me. And…. And for telling me I’m not a beast. It’s…. It’s helped.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You’re welcome.”

“I just wish there was a way we could speak face-to-face,” I whispered. “I’d like to get used to looking at people again.”

Elkan hummed. “You were wearing a scarf when we first met. Maybe we could, like, wrap it around your face somehow, so only your eyes are showing. I think it would also help to start small; get to know people one by one, so you’re more comfortable around them, rather than just being thrust into the common rooms.”

I hummed, smiling, “You really do have a strategic mind.”

He stuttered, probably blushing and most certainly unsure of what to say. “I-I should probably go; Ethyn said I could help him send out more messages and translate incoming ones.” He got off the bed.

“Mm, visit again?” I softly requested. “It’s… nice, talking to someone… someone who gets it.”

I could hear his smile, “Of course.”