⚜ Exulansis Giving up talking about something because others cannot relate

Late that evening, as I sat in my room trying to read one of the books Stefan had collected for me, there came a knock at the door.

“Hey, Augustus?” Cornelius carefully stepped into the room. I perked up, ready to jump off the bed and run into his arms, when he said, “I need to talk to you.”

I paused, pulling away from my book in a cautious manner.

He seemed hesitant, almost worried. He visibly swallowed, “So, uh, we managed to capture and question Prince A’gustine of the Ussuni Empire.” My eyes widened; Prince A’gustine? Cornelius explained, “He’s the emperor’s son. Well, step-son. The prince spends most of his days outside the palace walls, on hunting trips. We managed to capture him; that was what the mission was for.”

I slowly nodded, only mildly panicked and trying hard not to show it. Bianor had a step-son? But why had the Rebellion bothered with him?

Cornelius carefully approached me, kneeling down and taking my hands. His voice softened. “I need you to be honest with me right now, Augustus.” I nodded, growing more and more fearful by the moment. “The prince revealed some things about Bianor that we need to talk about.” He licked his lips, thinking and looking nervous. “The prince chose his name: A’gustine. Apparently, he chose it because he discovered that Emperor Bianor had a younger brother who was erased from records.” Oh no. “A brother by the name of Prince Augustus.” Oh no. “So, I need you to be honest with me, please.”

He was quiet for a moment. His voice lowered even more, “Are you Emperor Bianor Sidra’s brother? Are you Prince Augustus Sidra?”

The words hung in the air for a long, tense moment. A moment that was apparently too long for his liking.

“I’m not angry, Augustus,” Cornelius softly said. I still flinched. I tried to pull my hands away from him, but he didn’t let me, grip tightening on my hands. “Let’s talk about this, Augustus, please…. Or should I call you Your Highness?”

Something in me snapped.

I kicked him away from me. I got up and bolted out of the room, running as fast as I could deeper into the caves, despite the pain it caused my still-healing feet, and the dull pain through my back and arms. I only stopped when I found the dark river cavern. I collapsed at the rocky edge, heaving with sobs.

They knew. How did they find out? Because of my brother’s step-son? My brother had a step-son? A step-son who named himself after me. After me, of all people. How had he even found out? Bianor told me that all records were destroyed! That I didn’t exist anymore! That I didn’t deserve to exist! And, more importantly, why would his step-son name himself after something like me? I had been erased for a reason.

I struggled to wipe my tears, only finding my face soaked. My bare feet and hands were cold, but, at this point, it was almost comforting. A dark, cold place to spend the rest of my worthless days, eyes only revealed to the world above when needed, and never for very long. I continued to sob.

“Augustus?!” Cornelius’s voice echoed through the cavern, frantic. “Augustus, please, I just want to talk. I’m not mad, and Stefan isn’t either.” Oh, moons, Stefan knew, too! “I promise, it’s just us that know, and we’re not gonna tell anyone else.”

I didn’t move as he carefully approached. I could hear the torch flickering, and feel its faint warmth. I heard him slowly sit down behind me.

“Can we please talk, Augustus?” His voice was soft and sweet, moreso than I could handle. “I promise, Stefan and I are in no way angry at you for keeping this from us. We’re concerned about you, that’s it. We don’t blame you whatsoever for not wanting to reveal that the emperor is your brother.” He moved closer, voice softening even more, “I’m not angry, Augustus. I just want to talk. Please, can we talk?”

I hunched over, still sobbing, but quieter now. I flinched when I felt his fingers brush my back.

“What happened, Augustus?” Cornelius shifted to sit beside me. “Please, talk to me. Please, Augustus.”

I turned away from him, hiding my wet face.

“Hey,” his voice was too gentle. He reached to tilt my face towards him. I let him look at me. He pulled out a kerchief and dabbed at my soaked cheeks. “It’s okay, Augustus. I’m not mad, and neither is Stefan. We’re just concerned about you.” He tucked my hair away from my damp face. “Do you think we can talk about what happened to you, how you ended up enslaved to your own brother?”

I had to look away. I curled up, knees to my chest. I let him run his hand along my back. I rapidly blinked and tried to breathe deeply.

“...What’s he like?” I finally rasped out between fizzling sobs.

“Hm? What’s who like?”

I looked at him sadly, visibly exhausted. “...My nephew.”

Cornelius smiled, seemingly glad that I was talking. “His name is A’gustine, and apparently he named himself after you. He found some mentions of you in some old journal, as well as an old family portrait with your face burned out.”

I looked down.

“The emperor really is your brother, isn’t he?”

I shut my eyes tight, then nodded.

Cornelius let out a breath. “Holy moons. You’re…. Wow.”

It was quiet for a moment. His hand carefully moved up and down my back in a soothing manner; I leaned into the touch.

“A’gustine wanted to talk to you,” Cornelius finally said. “He was very cooperative; apparently he and Emperor Bianor don’t get along, so he was more than happy to answer a few questions. He seems to spend most of his time with the hunting parties. And, since he’s not related by blood, and therefore not the Crown Prince, no one seems to really care what he does.”

I was quiet for a long moment. A’gustine wanted to talk to me. My nephew wanted to talk to me. I had a nephew. “Is…,” my throat was far too dry and pained. I swallowed a few times. “Is he still…?”

Cornelius shook his head. “Stefan made a deal with him: he tells us about Bianor, we release him unharmed. He held up his end. He wanted to meet you, though. Perhaps we should’ve kept him a bit longer, brought him here, or even just to the abandoned village.” He was quiet for a moment, then gently offered, “How about we go back to your room?”

I reluctantly nodded.

Cornelius stood up, picking up his dying torch and holding out his hand. After a moment, I deeply sighed an exhausted sigh and took it. He pulled me to my feet, keeping his hand firmly in mine as he pulled me through the caverns. His torch died just as we reached the lit tunnels. He put it aside, slipping an arm around my shoulders to steady me. I started crying again.

Cornelius quickly urged me into my room. I fell onto the bed, burying my face in the pillow. Cornelius pulled the blankets out from under me and draped them over my cold body. He sat beside me and rubbed my back.

Someone else entered the room. Stefan. “I assume Prince Augustus Sidra isn’t doing so well?”

I couldn’t help but scoff. I was no prince.

“He ran when I first tried to bring it up,” Cornelius said.

“Sensitive topic, of course,” Stefan sat at the end of the bed. “Augustus?” I shifted and hummed, just to confirm that I had heard him. “Can we ask about your relationship with your brother?”

I heavily sighed, hiding in the pillow and wanting to not exist.

After a moment, I muttered, “Bia…. Emperor Bianor… is my older brother. We used to be close. He used to protect me from people who looked at me… like that.” I swallowed, blinking back tears. “When I was 13, and he was 18, our parents imprisoned me; said it was either kill me or tame me. Bia tried to fight them, and he would bring me things whenever he managed to sneak away from his guards. But his visits slowed. I could see him changing. Th-then, suddenly… he wasn’t Bia anymore,” my voice cracked, and I buried my face in the pillow once more. “I-I was down there, in the dark, alone and cold, for 14 years! He let those people hurt me! He let our parents hurt me!” I sobbed into the pillow. “And now I find out that I have a nephew?! A nephew who named himself after me?!”

Cornelius sighed, rubbing my back “Maybe we shouldn’t’ve let A’gustine go.”

“Well, I’m sure it won’t be that hard to catch him again if need be,” Stefan sighed, probably nodding in agreement. “Hey, Augustus?”

“What?!”

“...You have two nephews. And a niece.”

I blinked, sobs halting. “Wh-what?”

“A’gustine technically isn’t the Crown Prince because he’s not related to Bianor by blood. Instead, his younger half-brother, Prince Lysandre, holds that title. Then, there’s Princess Kalliope, the youngest.”

It was hard to let his words sink in. I choked out, “Wh-what…. Their mother?”

“Empress Anabella, of House Ren.”

I let out a trembling breath. “H-how old are they?”

“A’gustine is 19, Lysandre is 12, and Kalliope is 8.”

I choked. They’d been right above my head this entire time. Did A’gustine know? Did he realize that all was not right with his step-father? Was that a reason for their distance? If he had found out that I had once existed, what else did he know? How had he even found such a thing?

I sat up on my knees, facing the wall. “...I want to talk to him.”

Stefan and Cornelius were quiet for a moment. Finally, Stefan said, “It may be days, even weeks; I doubt the guards will let him out of the palace once they find him, or even out of their sight. But we can try. It’ll probably take time, but we can try.”

I shakily nodded, rubbing my wet eyes. I rasped out, “Thank you.” I laid back down and burrowed into the many blankets and pillows, covering my head and once again beginning to cry.