Originally written March 10th, 2024

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Chapter 17

Cass got out of the water when her skin began to wrinkle. She put the tub aside, leaving it open to help freshen the air and dressed in the cleanest white robes she could find. Her left arm, blackened and bony - and not something Helen enjoyed seeing - was wrapped in fresh bandages.

I’ll kneel on the floor and she can sit on my cot. Cass pictured the dinner in her head. She set one of the barrels by the cot as a makeshift table. It would be dark soon, so she set out an oil lamp, checked that it was full, then grabbed an incense stick and went outside.

It was evening; the sky mostly orange but going purple in the dark distance. She lit the incense at the cook fire - after having a bowl of thick, fresh beer - and took it back to her tent to help with the smell of travel and sweat.

She passed the time carrying by the incense around, making sure the smoke had a chance to touch everything. Cass thought about the multitude of questions she had for Helen, all of the things she wanted to say. She was determined not to get into an argument - to carefully avoid talking about weird political crap or debating the morality of their changing plans.

She just wanted a nice, happy dinner.

It was dark by the time the incense was almost burned out. She held the tiny, glowing red end of the nub to the oil lamp, catching it and releasing a perfume-scented glow into her tent.

Cass heard approaching footsteps and stood up from the floor, excitement rising until Cit stepped in through the flap.

“Here we go,” he said, setting a large wooden tray down on top of the barrel Cass was standing by. “We’ve got salted pork, onions cooked in pork fat, some cheese, and-”

“Great, thanks.” She nudged him with her elbow, “How about you head out and make sure none of the perimeter guards are slowing her down.”

“Okay, okay,” Cit said, putting his hands out placatingly as a small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, “I’ll make sure they know you’re expecting someone.”

“Thanks.” Cass sighed. “Sorry, I’m just...” she didn’t know how to best describe it. It was like the calm before a battle, but she wasn’t anticipating battle. She just had a lot of pent-up energy and nowhere to put it.

“Take it easy, general. I’ll keep an eye out.”

Cit left her alone with her thoughts in the warm glow of the oil lamp. She smelled the food, and her stomach grumbled with hunger. Restless, she paced around her tent, wondering what was holding Helen up.

Probably the Council...all of those deals she had to make to help us out. Damn them all, couldn’t they just fight for the greater good? For freedom?

She might have forgotten. She might have changed her mind and not want to be there.

Cass dismissed that thought. Helen had promised. And she’d broken too many promises for the sake of the war to break another one on their day of victory. There was nothing to explain this continued mendacity. What couldn’t wait just one damn night? What else was there?

Stepping out into the cool dark, Cass breathed in the fresh air and relished the night. Small, glowing fires dotted around her camp where soldiers fraternized. She needed to escape her thoughts, so she walked out to the edge of camp. Cass circled the perimeter until she found some guards patrolling it and stopped them.

“General,” they saluted.

“Not your general anymore. Has anyone come by looking for me?”

“No, ma’am,” one said, “Cit told us if anyone comes asking for you, we bring them directly to your tent.”

“Okay, thanks.” Cass left them, continuing on her walk. She stopped three more pairs of guards as she made her way around the perimeter before going back to her tent, hoping Helen would be there.

A large bottle of wine and two clay mugs had been added to the makeshift table. Cass ripped the plaster top off the bottle and started drinking, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand before sitting down on her cot.

An hour passed. Cass laid down. Another hour. Her stomach churned with hunger, her throat burned for more wine. She sat up and ripped off a piece of pork; it was cold, so she held it over the flame of the lamp for a few minutes until it was warm again and ate it.

Delicious. By far the best food she’d eaten in weeks.

She wiped her hand on her robe then wiped her eyes with her sleeve before peeling off another piece, downing another mouthful of wine as she warmed it over the flame. Cass thought about the last time Helen had stood her up like this, months ago in Harenae, just before they started the campaign into Desheret. And before that, they were supposed to spend the winter in Shen together. But there was always something else to do. Another campaign to plan.

“General?” A whisper outside the tent pulled her out of her thoughts. “Still no sign of her, want me to send someone up to the Palace?”

“Go to bed, Cit.” Cass looked at the little flame keeping her tent illuminated. She finished the wine, staring into the flickering light. It blurred into tiny circles, clearing slightly as she blinked. When the flame finally burnt out, there was a dim light under the flap of her tent. The sun was rising.

Her cheeks were damp as she laid back down, repeating a mantra she’d heard the Disciples of Flame tell the wounded they healed: It’s okay to cry when you’re in pain. Cass had never had a severe injury. Had never needed the healers.

Gritting her teeth and swallowing her feelings, she let the tears flow until she passed out.