Chapter One

[November 4th, 1968]

There wasn’t a sound that left my mind instead of that of the ticking grandfather clock. Not that it mattered but it didn’t help for what I was thinking of for a peaceful study day. Too many textbooks to even write in for the time being; finals are soon to wrap around the corner and not even an inch of the paper has been filed out. Teresa looks over my shoulder to see the scattered papers across the table along with the dark circles under my eyes, though I didn’t feel an inch tired after all that had happened. By her facial expressions, she seemed very concerned but I couldn’t care less about what is actually bothering me right now.

“Nancy,” Teresa spoke to me with concern in her tone, “maybe you should take a break from all of this cramming.”

“Teresa, why would I?” I asked back in response, “Finals are coming up and this is supposed to be a hard study session for me to finally pass this final!”

“I’m just saying, you’re overworking yourself,” Teresa walked over, sitting right beside me on a chair she pulled from her desk, “and besides, you know how Professor Drosselmeyer feels about you overworking.”

“And Professor Drosselmeyer is the same person who told me that ridiculous story, Teresa.”

“Doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Teresa smirked. I rolled my eyes in disillusionment before focusing back onto the papers I had to write. There were many things that Psychology focused on, but most of it I already know from personal experience. I could remember being there around the holidays with my family, or just with Nathan in general. Ever since father died, me and Nathan lived with Dr. Drosselmeyer for as long as I could remember. Tyler, John and Christopher ended up moving either out of state or in a different region in Texas. Michael is still in California but he visits every so often to check up; most of my brothers do. As for Nathan, he’s now working with the United States Army. Mainly watching over the Berlin Wall, he gives me updates every now and then about what it’s like living in Germany.

As for me, I still live in Dr. Drosselmeyer’s now old estate since he’s given me the house as a birthday gift and for receiving my bachelors. He was a nice person at heart and he still taught me many things during my time trying to get my masters. Though after a while, it began to get really lonely in this house. Once more I heard the ticking clock before I decided to open my home for rent just to make a couple extra dollars on the sly. That was when one of my classmates and closest friends, Teresa Rosemary Boonstock, asked me if I could live with her. She told me it would be temporary until she graduated and when she finally got a job after all that educational cramming.

The thing about Teresa is that she’s a party animal in a sense of trying to get me out of the home; she really begs me to at least go to a rally or two with her but I declined. I just watch her as she would usually go out with her old high school friends for some drinks at Scholz Garden.

Coming back to now, it was once again snowing and Teresa’s words went through one ear but came out of the other as I just zoned out of what was going on around me. The feeling of watching the snow fall reminded me of when me and Nathan would watch it for a while before running downstairs to play. But those were the good days along with being the most hard to grasp on. Soon, Teresa’s words began to fade back into my hearing, “ –you get what I’m saying, Nancy? We have to do it!”

“...do what?” I asked.

“Were you even paying attention to what I said?” Teresa sighed. I shook my head no. She then repeated herself, “I’m saying that maybe you should consider coming with me for winter vacation.”

“Coming with you?”

“Yeah, I was talking with my family and they’re willing to pay for a flight to London!”

“What about London is so significant to what happens in winter vacation? And you told me you never wanted to talk to your family, considering your older siblings, Richard and Pacifica, have had it better than you.”

“Yeah yeah, but I didn’t mention those fuckers,” Teresa chuckled slippling out that bit of profanity, “I was also going to say the person who was going to pay for the tickets is my mother.”

“Kimberly Boonstock?”

“Yep!”

“...I’ll consider it, besides don’t you need to get ready for your finals?” I asked her before Teresa rolled her eyes, slouching over to her chair and beginning to write in her notebook. At least she’s finally doing something instead of partying, I thought to myself before I continued with my work. My assignment was as plain as simple: I was to write an essay of around 750 to 1000 words in which I analyze and synthesize psychological concepts apply them to my speculations concerning your career and your future life.  

I had to clearly identify my career and why I have chosen it and then explain how what I have learned in psychology will enhance your career and life. I heard from my old classmates back at Princeton High that Psychology is a really hard field to come by but I couldn’t care less. Hell, Teresa was the one who convinced me to take the field in the first place since I’ve had so much pent up trauma ever since Father died. So for the past couple few years, I spent most of my time studying to succeed in becoming what my father was: A Psychiatrist. I was busting my ass off in assignment just to get my masters before I head straight to getting my doctorates like my father and Dr. Drosselmeyer. Soon enough, I decided to finally take a break since I was three quarters done with my essay. I walked downstairs to go collect my thoughts before my eyes glanced around the living room. Looking around, I could still see the wooden nutcracker that stood on the shelf; I tried to convince myself just to get rid of what I believed to be a stupid toy, but Teresa convinced me otherwise and in her words: “It was soon to be the Christmas Season.”

I held the toy in my hands before looking at it’s face. It seemed to be really odd too; the quiet look upon it’s facial expression, the paint that still laid, never worn away… I sighed before sitting down with the nutcracker in my hands. The soft music rang in my head as a memory held me close like I was seven years old again. Just when I thought the memory that swam around movements couldn’t be represented again, a song slipped out of my mouth.

There’s always a day where I can be with you,

I will be in your arms forever, I do…

There’s going to be a day we shall be wed too.

Because I love you…

The nutcracker still laid in my arms before tears landed on it’s face as I broke down in tears, just remembering a time when my childhood and my family were separated. It was just me and Nathan left in Dr. Drosselmeyer’s home while our other brothers went out of state, abandoning us.. And Father’s death was nothing more than the gunshot to the heart.