When I got home I took off my makeup. I stared into my body-mirror as I threw off my scarf, and as it fell to the ground, I began to cry. I stared at the outfit I was wearing, and then into what felt like the deepest part of myself. I didn’t want to take it off.

The next day, Inui was very touchy.

“Tobari-kun~~ can I borrow your English notebook? I missed the notes yesterday” He asked.

“But we’re in the same class” I replied, slightly puzzled.

“I know.”

“So… I need it.” He gave a weird laugh and I was over it. Even in gym.

“To-ba-riiiiiiii~!” I look over to Inui, “Let’s pair up!” he said, as if I would even consider pairing up with him.

“No way!” I yelled back.

“Tobari”

“No”

“Toba-”

“Nope”

“You’ve been kinda close to Inui lately, huh.”

“Is that what it looks like?”

But on the bright side, at least he's keeping his word on my secret. We take the same bus home from school, and since neither of us had after school clubs, we walked to the bus stop together. Usually I walk about a hundred feet behind him, with no contact (the way I like it). But today, it was absolutely pouring, and he had a spare umbrella. He turned around and looked at me, holding it out beside him. It was raining really hard, ok?

A few minutes pass and we’re almost to the bus stop.

“I’m not gonna tell, I promise! It’s more fun like this anyway, keeping secrets is fun.” Inui said.

“Then delete that picture why don’t you?” And quit talking to me at school while you’re at it!

“How dare you! It’s too cute to suffer a cruel fate like that!” Inui grinned.

“Huh?!” I puffed up my chest up and gave him a stone face “We aren’t talking about how cute the picture is, okay?”

“But y’know, now this is just my opinion, but I don’t see a reason for hiding this? I mean, who wouldn’t want to change themselves? It’s so common! Like, when we were kids-- when all of us were kids, actually-- you’d always had the boys that dress up as girls and the girls who would dress up like boys. So y’see it’s not weird; you just know what you want and you’re doing what you need to obtain it.” I stared at him puzzled, but making sure no visible reaction reached my face. What he said made sense, but for some reason it made me mad.

“Don’t be stupid, it’s creepy, gross and weird. When there’s someone like that in a crowd. The looks on people's faces... You can tell they’re terrified.” I said, he simply looked ahead. We reached the bus stop, stepping under the overhang. I handed him his umbrella.

“It sure has been raining a lot recently.” He said, folding his umbrella and shooting me a smile. “Might even continue into tomorrow.” I didn’t say anything. Thinking to myself, I wondered if he planned the umbrella incident with the forecast. After about three minutes, the bus arrived. But I had no intentions of getting on. As the door opened, Inui stepped on before turning around, realizing I wasn’t.

“You coming?”

“I’ll take the next one.” I replied without hesitation.

“Yeah?” he said, looking down before picking his head up to meet my eyes, his hand behind his head. “ Well, I hope it’s sunny tomorrow” he smiled.

“... Whatever.” I replied. Inui stepped back on the bus, the doors closed, and it drove off. I’m so fake.

That night, I looked up the clothes shop Inui and I were planning on going to tomorrow; to see if they have anything I like to pick out. When I found ‘Fukurin-style’ under the popular dress section, I nearly fainted, It was perfect! That night, I asked my sister if I could borrow some cash.

The next day was clothes shopping with Inui. My routine didn’t deviate much from our last “get-together” but I felt more energetic the second time through.

“So I gotta ask, what kinda clothes are you going for?” Inui says as he flutters a blouse. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have an answer, well an answer that would pass the girl test.

“Th-the fluffy ones.” I immediately regret saying. If I know Inui, he’ll ever forget that.

“What does that even mean?” He said, showing me a small pile of tops he had picked out. On top was a small turtle neck sweater.

“Like this?” He asked

“..Uhm I don't know.” Under it, a polka dotted thin sweatshirt.

“How about this?” He asked again

“Uh…” I liked the design, but wasn’t sure it was a good look on me. We both paused, looking to the rack.

“Oh!-” Inui perked up. “Here’s an idea! Why don’t we pick out stuff we think will look good on you, Instead of going for the ones you like” His answer was common sense.

“B-but how would I know what’ll look good on me? I’ve never tried things on in the store…”

“Well, you’ll try them on then, problem solved.” he grabbed a couple outfits we had passed, gave them to me, and basically dragged me to the dressing rooms.

I resisted less than I thought I would.

The first outfit seemed off on me, unflattering you could say. The long skirt didn't go well with me, and the top looked weird with my lack of breasts. The second outfit on the other hand, was really good on me. The sweater and shirt worked very well together, and I loved the shorts. Outfit three’s skirt was a bit shorter than the first one, I thought maybe would look better on me. but it seems the skirt was a little... too short… Way too short… Inui had mixed reactions to each, but we had the same overall opinion on my looks. When I want out to show Inui the fourth outfit, he basically jumped with excitement.

“Oh! That one! That one looks really good!”

“But this isn’t really something… I don’t know, I feel out of place.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll get easier the more you wear it. You’ll see it as better anyway, feel less out of place” huh. His words had a weird sense of encouragement, as if maybe he was my only true ally.

“Then... I guess I’ll get it.”

After buying the outfit, my heart fluttered like it had before. It felt amazing to express myself in such a way, and to be supported, and suddenly, I felt like having Inui around me, wasn't such a burden.

We tried on shoes from the place across the street, taking a look around the little gift shop. There were some cute rabbit charms Inui pointed out, I really liked the one with a bow in it's hair, It even had a cute little hair-dew and mascara. In a weird way, it reminded me of myself. We left the store and walked down the street. Part-way down, Inui stopped, looking at the store to our left. When I looked, I realized the sign read ‘Victoria’s secret’ this couldn’t be for real? I wouldn’t put that past Inui though…

“Bras, don’t you need bras?” I gave him a defeated look.

“No freaking way.”

Eventually It got dark, today was exciting and exhausting, and I’m still walking with Inui. Our day ended as we walked out of the third clothing store.

“Mission Complete!~” Inui said.

“Why did you end up buying stuff?”

“Just felt like it I guess.”

We walked to a view of the beach, and Inui started rustling around in his bag for something.

“I, got this for you.” Inui said, pulling out the rabbit charm from the gift shop. The one with the bow in it’s hair, the one with a cute little hair-dew and mascara. The one that looked like me.

“Rabbits are cool” he said “Just a little thank you for, y’know coming with me and all that. And it kinda matched mine”

My cheeks blushed a deep red, he got this for me? Did he notice me looking at it? Maybe he picked it because it reminded him of me too.

‘I-I can’t take this. I don’t have any place to put it” I looked him in the eyes, he didn’t say a word.

I kept staring at him and the smile on his face confused me. Ah, this again, this weird mood. Inui stepped forward, Leaned in, and kissed me. His lips were soft, warm, I felt as If I was melting into him. It felt as if it wasn't just a kiss like on tv, but had a deeper meaning, to complex to understand, yet, so easy to grasp. It felt pure. Almost as if I hadn’t been here at all and I’d been dreaming this whole time. He broke away, his face still close to mine.

“Tobari”

“Yes?”

“You’re not very good at makeup.” and that's when I punched him.

“What the hell!? What’re you gay or something!?” I stumbled back, those words weren’t what I felt. I knew I liked it, I wanted more, but to throw me for a loop like that made me feel like this was all still a joke, just a joke, i’d always been a joke. I couldn’t stop myself from tearing up. Though my words were shallow in thought, not necessarily detailing my true feelings, I found myself listening intently, as if posing a real question.

“I-” Inui answered “I don’t… really know.”

The next day, Inui didn’t show up for school. I still can't figure out the meaning behind what happened. Wasn’t it a mutually beneficial relationship? I got to go out as a girl more often than before, and Inui got to watch for kicks. But why did it feel like that wasn’t all it? Why did I feel like the shallow one? Why did I feel like the one who couldn’t read a scene, or a feeling. Why was he so intent on running away from this situation? If anything, I should’ve been the one playing hooky right now… This sucks…

The day was slow, I kept my head on my desk for most of it. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened, all the different ways I could’ve handled it, all the things I could’ve said, and all the different words I couldn’t figure out, to tell Inui I wasn’t unhappy…

After school, I was pleasantly surprised to see Inui waving at me from the front of the school, and next to him, a girl with a seemingly familiar face. They were trying to get my attention, that was clear. As I got closer, they started yelling.

“Tobari~~ You’re so slow!”

“Don’t make us wait tobari~~!” I decided to half jog-run, a smile creeped on my face, before I quickly suppressed it, not really understanding why.

“Ah~~ so this is like tobari-boy version? Wow, he looks so different!” What? My heart sped up a bit, he told someone? Who even is she? I began growing anxious.

“You’ve met before, remember? It’s Ricchan.”For a second i’m drawn to a blank, before the realization of the situation hit me like a truck. Ricchan was the “ex” that saw me at Keiko’s.

“I’ve come to give you tips and tricks on makeup and stuff, y’know, the works” Ricchan added.

“I asked her if she would help you out because she wants to be a makeup artist after high school”

“...Huh?” the wordless expression seemed to be the only thing I could muster out.

“Oh, so dont worry~” Ricchan continued. “I’m super open minded to stuff like this! I think it’s adorable when a guys like you want to look all cute!” The situation didn’t make any sense to me, why was this not a “weird” thing? Why was I being encouraged to pursue this?

“I’ll teach you the right techniques to applying presentable makeup, let’s do our best and make you cuter than ever!”

I was startled.

“So let’s go~” Inui butted in

‘Wait, where are we going?” I asked.

“Your house, Tobari!” Ricchan stated.

“No, I refuse!”

“Where would we go if not there?” Ricchan countered. God, even his ex is pushy.

Much to my dismay, we bussed to my house. When we arrived, Ricchan and Inui basically burst in the front door. Inui then forcing me in, in what I could only describe as a sleeper hold.

“Are you Inui’s sister?” Ricchan asked my weirdly calm older sister.

“Don’t mind us barging in.” Inui added

“Well you guys are cute!” She must’ve been a little more than relaxed apparently. Maybe she's bad at reading facial expressions, but you’d think she of all people, she would be on my side. “I’ve got work now so make yourselves at home, okay?”

Inui and Ricchan talked between each other, Ricchan eventually making me change into my girls uniform, It was embarrassing to say the least.

“Oh~! So cute! Boys have naturally skinnier legs, so it doesn't look awkward on you at all. I actually think you look pretty cute.” Ricchan exclaimed, weirdly making me feel a slight bit more secure. Inui was in the room, but I made it clear he wasn't even allowed to glance in our direction.

“Okay~ So now let's get started with makeup!” after a while, she got to my mascara.

“Now remember, you need to take your time with mascara. Start from the roots and branch out, like this.” I felt dumb for listening as intently as I did, it seemed to obvious the things she was saying, but still, I listened closely.

“Ricchan?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you and Inui break up?

“Oh, you heard about that. well~~ You’ve probably noticed already, but Ma-kun is pretty rotten on the inside.” she said, I agreed bluntly.

“He just wasn't good as a boyfriend.-” She stopped doing my mascara and looked me in the eye. “For me anyway.” Her words taking me out of the moment, that was jarring. Did he tell her something I wasn’t in on?

“But as a friend he’s super cool to hang out with! He makes everything really fun! Maybe thats why im the only friend he’s really got… I’d be nice if you two got along too”

“Oh, by the way, Ma-kun didn’t tell me anything, so you’re wrong if you thought he did.” How did she? “I could tell when I first saw you.” oh.

After about twenty minutes we were done with the makeup.

“All we need now is the wig!” by this point, I’m pissed.

“Ah, tobari, you have soft hair. You probably don't need to pin your hair up before putting it in the net.” She started messing with my hair and I began feeling overwhelmed, the room was silent but It felt as if I was getting screamed at. My mind was fuzzy and everything was... too loud.

“Uhm…” say something.

“Just tuck it in the top and sides okay~!”

“E-excuse me!” I felt as if I was yelling, Ricchan sat down.

“Uhh.. Is something wrong?” Ricchan asked. My brain was screaming at me and I just…

I just couldn’t… “Inui, turn around.”

Inui sat there for a moment, examining the layer of makeup on my face, before examining the layers beyond my face.

“Tobari, you okay?” what have I done, I blush and cover my face with my hands, now masking the tears. Ricchan put her hand on my shoulder, but I stood up and ran to the bathroom.

“What happened?” I heard Ricchan ask worriedly threw the muffeld door.

“I’m not sure.”