Her feminine scent. Her soft, petite hands peeking out, from her school uniform. Everything about Ricchan, all of it, denies my entire being.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Why can’t I be like her, why do I have to be like, this. And what have I done now? What would Ricchan think of me now… I made her worry about me, and now she’s left. It felt like hours before Inui tapped his knuckle on the door.

“You didn’t have to run away, y’know.” Inui said, opening the door. I felt like a needed an escape “Ricchan’s gone home. Prolly won’t be stopping by to do this again.”

“Why don’t you follow her lead then?” I said walking passed him, out of the bathroom and towards my room.

“Tobari...” I knew it, I shouldn’t have listened to them. I went in my room and shut the door behind me.

“Tobari wait.”

I wish I hadn’t put this on. I want to get out of this thing now.

“Hey, look, I don’t know what's going on with you but… Lemme guess, Ricchan caught your eye?” that's what he got out of that? god he’s stupid.

“No” I half yell defeated, and angry, and slightly sobbing.

“Not gonna lie, she did a good job” Inui opened this door too, leaving me trapped. He walked over and kneeled down in front of me.

“Please don’t run” he said, as grabbed my arm in an attempt to stop myself from covering my face. “C’mon lemme see.”

No.

“Let go... Get away from me! You make me sick!” I didn’t want him to see me. He didn’t say anything, and over the course of a few minutes, I lowered my arms and faced him. He looked me in the eyes.

“What the hell… what's the matter with you? You’re being weird...” this time, he replied.

“I don’t need you telling me that. You like dressing up as a chick, but when push comes to shove, you just knock it on anyone else. So is this some kind of roleplaying thing? If so, you’re way more of a perv then I thought.” This again? I knew he could tell what was really going on, why would he say something like that? None of this is making since, I can’t believe him! What is he trying to do?! Was this always a game to him?! All the anger I had pent up unleased, and I socked Inui to the floor. It took hima second to get up.

“That fuckin hurt!” he leaned against the wall next to me. I grabbed him by the shirt collar.

“What’s wrong with me? The real question is what's wrong with you?! Do you like this? Do find this shit funny? So what if you think i'm a pervert! I like dressing like this! But you probably just look at it as one big joke, that I’m like this!”

Silence…

Inui grinned.

“Oh, so that's it. I never really got it till’ now. But I get now why I can’t leave you alone.”

“What?”

“I think... I really like you” Inui grabbed my collar and pulled me in, and again, we kiss. I get lost in the moment. I let my body fall into his. Until I begin to cry, and break away.

“Hey…”

“I didn’t plan for this, y’know.” In an instant, the roles are reversed, Inui held my chin and took my wrist, pushing me onto my back.

“But when I look at you. I just get turned on.”

“W-what are you saying… ?”

“Ahh, It’s because you’re like that… “

“I don’t think I can handle this”

“Look at yourself Tobari.”

“No… I’m not..-” he cut me off with a kiss. I drowned in his warmth, his presence made me feel whole. And as time when on, the kiss begun to get more passionate. Inui slid his hand up my shirt.

“S-stop”

“Who would’ve thought you look this hot?” This asshole… I push him away, coming to my senses. Thoughts overflow me. He’s playing me for an idiot.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You say i’m the pervert? You’re this sick asshole here trying to cop a feel for a guy in drag.” Inui sat down in front of me.

“Yeah… and? All i’m hearing are the whines of a self denier.”

“Don’t… You think I know that?” I’m so stupid, I’ve known all along… everything Inui said about me, was stuff I already knew about myself…

***

I had dinner that night with my sister.

“Tobari- Elbow.” I snap out of my thoughts and take my elbow off the table.

“Sis, I like cute things”

“and?”

“Like, that's weird right?”

“I mean, c’mon give me credit. When we were growing up, you always wanted what I had. When you started kindergarten on the other hand… you just, kinda stopped. It’s not like you just stopped liking that stuff, you just stopped saying it aloud.”

“So, me liking that stuff… is okay?”

“Sure, sure, It’s not like you’re the only one in the world. C’mon, eat up. Foods getting cold.”

Ever since I met Inui, I’ve begun to see things differently. I’d never realized how much I was bottling up inside of me.

In the morning I walked to school. I’m still not quite there yet in telling anyone about my secrets but… for people like sis, this isn’t that big a deal… C’est la vie I guess. I put my coat in my locker, and as I went to close it, Inui stood behind the locker-door.

“Tobari, hey so like-” I couldn’t let this fall back into the past, but I knew I wasn’t ready to talk, so, I ran.

I’ve been replaying what happened over and over in my head and I just can’t stop. I ran to class, trying to avoid the conversation with Inui, but today I noticed something out of the ordinary, everyone was looking at me.

Inui stepped into class and the attention was then drawn to him like bad actors in a movie. He had a bandaid on his face where I hit him, must’ve hurt.I blushed when I noticed he still had the rabbit charm on his backpack, the one that matched mine. The one I’d failed to notice, was still on my phone.it really was a sweet gift. Reo tapped me on the shoulder, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Hey, like.. Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard yet if no, I think it would be good to hear it from me ‘coz, like, people have been talking about you and Inui. they’re saying a couple days back, you guys were walking around near Kozuka station. And that… You were in drag”

“What?” This can’t be. “Who started that up?” I tried to act as nonchalant as possible, but my mind was racing.

“Someone from class probably.” shit, this is bad.

“So like-” my heart continued to speed up, and I couldn’t act calm for much longer. “Is that guy Inui blackmailing you or something ‘coz like…”

“Uh.. yeah.” fuck.

“I knew it! You obviously wouldn’t just dress up as a chick just ‘coz, right? Man I don't know what I would say if you did.”

“Hey keep it down, Inui’s like, right there” Hinata, another friend of mine, added.

“I mean, It’s totally weird, I can’t imagine someone being into that. Unless you’re a pervert I mean.”

“Gross, so Inui’s a pervert?” They weren't wrong about the blackmailing part. But I couldn’t throw Inui under the bus like that. With all the courage I had left, I decided what I needed to do next was best.

“Wait you got it wro-” with a loud crash, Inui’s desk fell to the floor.

“Can all you guys just shut up? Fine, I confess, I was the one who made Tobari dress like a girl, and I paraded him around town.”

“Seriously?” people shouted out.

“Why?”

“B-because it was damn funny.” and just like that, everyone continued whispering among themselves like they had before.

“Don't worry about it Tobari!” Asahi said. “Rumors go away with time.”

“Damn these girls!” Hinata added. I stood up.

“This is too much, I think i’m just gonna go home.”

“You sure man?”

“Yeah.” I left the room and when I got just out of sight, I started running, I knew Inui would run after me, but I didn’t care. I ran all the way off school grounds and to the bus stop, throwing my stuff on the bench. Something’s off, nothing he said made since “coz’ it was damn funny.” That's when I noticed him, out of breath, running up next to me.

“You forgot your coat…” he said, breathing heavily. “You’re pretty fast too.” he tossed my coat at me. “Buses almost here, I passed a couple streets down at a red light.” and within a minute, the bus showed up, Inui stepped on before turning around.

“You’re not getting on?”

“I’ll take the next one”

“Oh” Inui stepped off the bus, and It drove away.

“Why didn’t you get on?” I was embarrassed. I hung my head down in shame.

“‘Coz we're fighting so… It’d be really selfish of me to leave you here alone.” Fighting…

“Y’know, i’m no saint, people like you, people who can just be who they want to be without a care about the world around them. I really like watching people like that. Yesterday I thought that if I pushed you hard enough, I could see more of that about you.”

“You tryna pick a fight or something?”

“What i’m trying to say is… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I went too far.” his words seemed to touch a place deep inside me “and I think this might be the first time I ever sincerely apologized to someone.” He stood up and put his hands behind his head. “Oh, by the way. I was telling the truth when I said I liked you.”

Why did he let himself take the fall back there? There was silence for what felt like hours.

“Inui... I-”

“Bus is here” he said, cutting me off.

The bus stopped, the doors opened, but I stayed seated.

“Tobari, This is the last bus”