Buddy: "Bad timing. For now."
Buddy: "Better Quests?"
Buddy: "Good timing. Right now."
Me: "It is when flesh eating cats come out."
Buddy: "And petrification gas breathing dogs come out."
Buddy: "Decent timing."
LMAO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5GQacUzMg8
"EEEEEEEX-PLOOOOOSSSIOOOOONNN!!"
"GRRRRYYYAAAAAAA-KCHHHHAAAAAAA!! Ghhhhh... Hrrr... Uuuuu..."
"Hraaa... Haaa... Huhuhu. There. ...Mmh. Perhaps a little too much. Again. ...Mhm. I really should stop resorting to such excessive Magic whenever some monster gets in my way. One would think I would have learned by now. Huhu.
Well... I suppose the problem has been solved. Unfortunately, so has a substantial part of the chamber. How wonderful. Here I am, looking for ancient structures and their secrets, and I keep helping them look even more ancient.
...Nobody around to complain, at least. Hrrh... Let's see. ...A little light... There. Mmmh. This place has certainly seen better days. The stairs are still intact, mostly... and these pillars... Oh. Was that a carving? ...Huh. No way to tell now. Excellent work - now carved into Zehibirian shame.
Still, I had little choice. Something of that size does not exactly permit a Magician to examine it peacefully. ...Though I suppose I could have used a less destructive spell. Huhu. Perhaps next time. No one to scold me either. It all had its place, Selestina.
...Strange. These ruins always seem to attract creatures of considerable strength. Of course, abandoned places make convenient homes for powerful monsters. ...Or stations for Demons. That is hardly unusual. But... hrrh... some of these places are so old that one has to wonder what came first. The ruins... or their inhabitants.
We always hear of the old monsters being defeated, driven away, exterminated... or sealed. As was allegedly the case with Dragons, although you do not normally call them monsters, yes. It is easy to imagine why. If a creature cannot be killed, imprisoning it is the next best thing. ...But is that necessarily the only reason?
Sealing Magic has other uses. If one wished to preserve something for a very long time, protecting it from the outside world would be a perfectly reasonable measure. Not merely to keep it imprisoned, but to keep it... alive?
Then again... what purpose would that serve? A weapon? Some ancient experiment? Perhaps somebody expected to return for it. Not particularly comforting to imagine that someone might have considered a creature like this worth saving for ANY kind of future. Huhuhu. There are certainly better gifts to leave one's descendants.
...Or perhaps I am thinking too much. This one could have crawled in here a century ago. Or yesterday. The ruined entrance certainly offers no resistance anymore. ...Mmmh. I cannot even properly examine its remains now. Huh. My own doing, naturally.
Still... it would be interesting to know whether some of these creatures truly survived all this time by themselves, or whether someone deliberately ensured their survival. A few ruins do not make that a rule, but... the ones often talked about as nothing more than playgrounds for the best Monster Hunters were never truly explored for their truths either.
...Seggesmund. The land supposedly harboring the most terrible monsters ever to have lived. How many of those tales are true, I wonder... Were they simply trapped there? Were they driven there? Or were some of them... kept there for a reason? ...Mmmh. Too many questions. We know so little about that place that even the simplest explanation would be little more than a guess.
I suppose there is only one way to find out. One way... that requires a lot more of the right kind of people. Until then, these forgotten places might still offer something useful. Even if all I discover is another particularly unpleasant creature and a few more broken stones.
...Well then. Nothing more to learn here, I suppose. Perhaps I really should practice a little restraint with my Magic. ...Some decisions cannot be made at a desk. Some problems cannot be seen through a window."
https://youtu.be/x-Ultgn5Fhs
"Ghhii..ii!! Gigigi... Back... Back... BACK..!"
"Khn... There is no end to them! ...Gah... I am spent... They suffocate Nature around them!"
"...!..??"
"...Nn... If we cannot overwhelm them with power, then we need to strike multiple Shadows at once!"
"..!!?!?.!"
"Gigigig... Si... Si-si-sinner... ssss!!"
"!!.??"
"Are you sure!?"
"!!!!.. !! ?? ..!!"
"Fine, fine! Heh... Have it your way then! They are under your care now! PROCEED!!"
"!!! ... !!!!?? ??"
"Mmhm! ...All units, prep for launch!"
"!! ..!!"
"Understood..! Deploying Rubytail Fleet, units one through fifteen! Clear the flight path!"
"Gaaaaggi..! GIVE HIM... BACK!! Gigi gi gi gi."
"Nhn... Confirmed hit!! VERY good, fluttery folks! ...Ahaahaaa!"
"!!! ..?? !!"
"You got it, buddy! Well done!"
"??! !!!"
"Let's show them the power of the swarm! Metamorphosis sequence initiated! All telepathic links go. ...Gem Wings Alpha, form up..! Dispelling Dust at MAXIMUM output!! ...Coordinate your strikes..! Left, right! Left, up! Up, up! Down, left!!"
"Gigigi..! Find... FIND HI-HI-HIM!!"
"..!! ..! ..!?"
"O-Oh... Dammit... Understood! Dew refueling in progress..! Khh! Scarab Stars, adjust your magic pollen trajectories! Drop payload on my mark! ...Pull back a little! Follow Rainlillies closely..!"
"!!! ..!!! ??!"
"GOOD CALL!! EVASIVE ACTION!"
"Guguguoo... GRAAAGHAA..!!"
"VERY good! Whooaa! ...Ahahahaaa-hahha! Confirmed HIT!! ...Quite a few! WELL done, folks!"
"!!! ?? ...!!"
"W-What!?"
"!!! ??!! ..!"
"L-Lost Souls!? How... do you know that?"
"!! .? ....?"
"Fine... Tsk. You DO need your share of DIFFICULT no matter the situation, do you not!? I am quite aware these Shadows... Lost Souls... fine... were never in any way natural, but... Hmm... If neither Nature, nor Magic can explain them, then perhaps... what is left is Mysticism. ...That... nh... then would be an apt name!"
"??? ...!!"
"Oh, pleeease. I am not convinced by YOUR deductive skills."
"!!!! ..?? !!! ???? !! ....!..!"
"Okay? Anyways, buddy, I agree! You still have some explaining left to do though! Unless someone told you something, and your scattered brain, or what have you, decided to forget to tell me the details! Hm?"
"!!! ..!!!"
"Ghiii ...Giggi!! GIVE... Give give give give..!"
"Uh... Right... Problems!"
"!!! ....? ? ?!!"
"Rubytail Fleet, do not break formation! Disregard that dandelion! That is an ORDER!"
"!! ...??"
"Got it! Move around them, and... WHOA!"
"!!! ??!!"
"VERY well done! ...Haaa... haaa... Thanks... I can rest a little. Ahaha! I wanted you to synchronize the others, but that was an amazing counter-attack!"
"!!!! ??!..!"
"We have been breached! Moonlillies, execute evasive maneuvers! Scatter! Scatter!!"
"!!.. !!?"
"VERY good as well..! Understood! FOLLOW his command instead! I repeat, follow his command instead!"
"Gi... gi... Follow... where... gigi... his life... Gi... FIND HIM... SAVEEEEE HIIIIM..!! GHIII..!"
"...Poor creatures... There is something a little demonic about them too... The way they turn to ash. ...But their Lifeforce, if it can be called that, does not strike me as the same."
"...!?..!"
"Huh. Do you sense they are truly just matter made of... souls? ...But why us?"
"...?? ??? .!!?? !"
"Yeah... Good point. They are the best lead we have. I think... the Knight realized this too."
"??? ??..?"
"W-WHAT!?"
"!!..?? ..!.?.?.?"
"F-Focus INSTEAD on the BATTLEFIELD!! ...Khhm... S-Seriously. What!?"
"!!! ?! ?? !!"
"...R-Right! Uh... Good job luring them here! I think we can take out the rest in one move!"
"!!! ?!"
"Exactly!! The stage is yours, buddy!"
"??? !!!! ?! ??!... .. . . . . !!"
"All units, lock onto the target's coordinates. ...This is it! Initiate ultimate synchronization..."
"... .. . . !! !! ..?? !! ..?!?!"
"GIGA-PROBOSCIS PIERCER! Full Burst Mode: THE PROMISED LAND OF THE CLOVER FIELD!!!"
https://youtu.be/y8BEiiTqGIA
"No, certainly not. Monster hunting is absolutely not for everyone! After all, there is no such thing as a safe monster hunt! Think about it this way: Most, if not all, have to deal with it in one way or another! Knowing how to defeat at least the weakest classified variety of Monsters is something that can never be overstated!
...But there is a big difference still. You commit to it; you admit to yourself everything it brings... and you embrace it fully. The danger, the risks... Those are your lifeblood, and you know it. More than that! If seeking dangerous challenges is above any reward; if the thrill of uncertainty is above any decision; if not knowing what comes or happens next is above any habit, THEN this just MIGHT be for you! After all, there is no such thing as a safe monster hunt!
...When Death deals all the cards, what do you do? You sweep everything off the table straight onto the ground. You tell Death: Pick them up, and deal again! You laugh in the face of Death! Sure... if it even has one! Sometimes it is a face, sometimes it is about two hundred teeth, sometimes it is a wiggling tentacle, other times a blob! Does it matter? Not to you! Why should it though? You just found your target! After all, there is no such thing as a safe monster hunt!
...Aah! You hear them say it, do you not? Unconventional lifestyle! No, no! It is all right! Thumbs-up! That is what you give! Sure thing! That is what you say! ...If you even have the time to say it since you might already be off to someplace to hunt more monsters.
But...
That is fine! After all, there is so much else to do! This one though? This one is what defines... eventful... for you.
Mmh... Still here? Ah, but that is not because you would suddenly reconsider. You just feel that there is more, and that is exactly it! There is ALWAYS more! I do not mean just the Monsters! They are here to stay. ...You know it.
...No matter what happens. No matter who says what... or does not say a thing. Always, there is something to hunt. No matter who they are. No matter what they do... or do not do. Always, someone will need Monsters hunted.
And they might just come to you. After all, there is no such thing as a safe monster hunt.
The rest is knowing how to approach all sorts of Monsters, and that is something... you have to seek out for yourself.
Sign here if you want. ...Ahh-aah! As it goes around here: If you walk away, we say: We understand! If you sign, we say: You understand!"
"Sign the monster hunting license?"
"Purely so we know what monster hunting tasks were dealt with, and by whom. Purely as identification for those less... understanding. Purely so you can collect the gold as Monster Hunters prefer - eventually. As they say: When you start to miss the taste of a potion. Maybe."
"Hey! I am not looking for safe hunts!"
"Mmm-hm! Sure thing then!"
https://youtu.be/d0dfD_JYnTE
"...One... Twoooo... Two and a half--"
"KCHmhm..! ...Ghhk! HEY! I almost started! Actually... I already ate TWO shrimps so now it is all pointless!"
"Ahaha! Nothing is pointless! A little more focus and patience could help though! Mmh?"
"...Khh... Brother! Not you TOO!"
"What if I planned it to make it a little more fair because otherwise you WOULD complain?"
"DI-- N-no! Just you wait! I can EASILY have ten bowls of shrimps in tomato sauce and STILL win!"
"Damn! I better watch out then! ...But seriously, some rules first!"
"Come on, Brother... The usual, right?"
"Well, Big Brother is a little forgetful, but-"
"Yeah."
"-but he also knows that leaving the usual part of the usual part to his Dear Sister often makes him remind her of the rules mid-game anyways!"
"Di-- Sh- sshhhh... shhh... Fine."
"Hahaha! Well then! ...First of all, the only water we can drink is from the glass here and that is all we get! No use of Magic to refill it. But that is obvious to us both."
"O-Obviously."
"...And no Magic to summon water into your mouth! Big Brother will know!"
"A-As if that was any e-easy... I mean, as in it is not easy to f-fool you anyway. Gh..."
"We do not know any Shamanism so cooling the bowl or the food is kinda off the table. However, there is one more rule especially for you, Dear Sister, because my own meager attempts would not help me much."
"Uuuh... W-What is that..?"
"Defensive Magic! No sneaky shields or... barriers is it?"
"Both... ghuu... Both are fine. Yeah. Uh... Yes."
"Right! No barriers inside your mouth or throat to reduce the heat! ...Or spiciness! Or anything else. Etcetera!"
"Y-Yeah! E-Exactly right! NONE of that! Y-Yep! I cannot even... I mean, I cannot even imagine such Magic... Gh... As in using it against you. Stuff and such. Such and stuff. ...Uhh... Can we start already, Brother?"
"Indeed! This was enough time for the food to cool off a little. In that case--"
"Uhh... You can pay for our match, c-correct? ...I am kinda in the uh... savings phase."
"What kind of Big Brother challenges his Dear Sister to an eating competition, and then cannot even pay for it? Granted, we could hypothetically run away; that would do us good after all these shrimps in tomato sauce as well, but our Magic Crests make us... highly identifiable individuals!"
"Hahahaha!"
"I am not too keen on running into His Excellency afterwards tomorrow. In the way he places his hand on my shoulder and goes: Lemrey, my boy, we need to talk."
"Oh, please... YOU, Brother?"
"Ah, but you are not aware of everything I do! ...I pin a situation here and there on my own pragmatism applied to the already studied and observed pragmatism of Archmagus Quint. It is only missing the rightly judged degree of word choice, smile and the correct posture when leaning against a wall."
"Ahahahaaha! ...Hey! But you are going on a short assignment tomorrow! Brother!!"
"Oh dear! ...Am I? ...Ah, but I am! In that case..."
"D-DIM-- Nhuuu!! What now!? WHAT NOW!?"
"Nothing? See these? I was joking, of course."
"CRYSTAL BONDS!? HOLY SH-- SHINDERAN MACKEREL IN LEMON PORRIDGE! BROTHER!"
"Exactly! Fun aside, just keep in mind that it is all the Order's finances... Mhm? Mhm? ...And... huh. Perhaps another time we should go for one of those! Whoa... Now I am just..."
""...""
""I AM SO HUNGRY NOW!""
""One... Two... THREEEEE!""
""Unleash the calorie!!""
"Mmm-chhm... gluuk... chrrmm... mmm-mm-mmmkhk..."
"Chlp-chlp-chlop... muuk... mhhn... mhhn... khhmnnn..."
https://youtu.be/1JZ6USR8-qQ
"Kchaa-chaaaaa... Mmh... Is this shitshow ever going to end, Mother?"
"Language, My Dear. ...And, please, stop rocking back and forth. The chair is not meant for that. If you fall and break your neck, it will be a scandal. ...Then I will go to prison."
"Nnnh... Mother, if we need to talk about that, then I would rather die in a mysterious carriage crash because I was controversial for not being controversial."
"And you will do no such thing. There is a lot for you to inherit here."
"Maaan... what a drag... Can one of my siblings not do that instead?"
"How many times do I need to tell you this, My Dear? You do not have any siblings."
"Of course not, Mother. They are like Ghosts! BOO!! Skeeeee..! BOO! ...Suuure, they flicker in and out of existence as matters demand. ...Barely look like Father as well... or you sometimes. Ghaheh."
"My Dear, you do not have any siblings."
"Whatever you say, Mother."
"While we are at it, if anything, Apparitions would have been the correct term."
"Mm-kay. ...Man, this food is disgusting! It is like a rat pissed all over what is already dogshit!"
"...My Dear, it was prepared with Magic which should be plenty obvious. ...I wonder if you are testing my patience, or showing remarkable gaps in your education."
"Both mayhap, Dearest Mother. ...Anyways, can you not see it? I am pretty sure Father can stand on his own two legs! The damned Nobles just make him agree to everything, and then when something happens, they all point at the King! Sheesh... He is not a dimwit, Mother!"
"..."
"...I cannot actually DECIDE what is worse. Those guys, or ALL the stay-at-home philosophers everywhere. Same shit."
"What would you do, My Dear?"
"Bwaah! I would secretly ask a Demon to knock on the gates! ...Bwahahaaaa! The change in tune would be glorious! ...Mark my words, Mother. One day I am outta here... and I am taking one of those damned magically forged royal weapons with ME to actually put them to the purpose."
"My Dear. You. Will. Do. No. Such. Thing."
"...Bwahahaa! Suuure... Let them rot there under the care of some old schmuck taking gold for excursions once per year. What a legacy. How very-- ...Father!"
"...My apologies for making you wait so long, My Queen, My Daughter. I am finished with the talks. Turns out their clear-cut plan is suddenly not so clear-cut when I said we would need to send for an Inquisitor to come here from Crystana to approve it. Strict protocol, of course. ...Hraa-haa-haa!"
"Please, Dear, you performed brilliantly. I would have no such patience, nor way with words. Thank you."
"Hrah... As if you did not, My Queen. Thank you."
"...Huuhnh?"
"My Dear, your Father had this idea. I sit here, and I smile, and I nod. I look dimwitted enough so the Nobles later approach me thinking they can influence me because I cannot tell any better. ...I nod, and I smile, and I agree. Always agree with people. They think you have no idea, and they divulge a lot more. I tell your Father then, so he has enough time to... suddenly... come up with mysterious arguments."
"Bwahahahahaa- Wait a moment... Have you two tried that against me as well..?"
"Plenty of times we have, My Daughter! Now you also see the experience put into practice!"
"... ...Bwahahahaaaa-ahahahaaaa!! GAAAHahahaaaaa-haaa! ...I take it back, Father! You DID stick it in the right hole!"
"Language!!"
"I tell her all the time, Dear. ...Mhm, have they left yet?"
"Yes, they have. Hrah!"
""...""
"Haa... You GOOD FOR NOTHING-- That behavior was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!! One MORE TIME and you are eating GORVAN SLUGS!!"
"Sure thing, Mother. Kchaaa..."
"March into your room! PRONTO! There is plenty of homework waiting!!"
"...Yeah, make me, Mother!"
"GUARDS!!"
"Hey! That is not fair, Mother!"
"FAIR? LEARN HOW TO KICK SOMEONE ELSE'S ASS THROUGH AUTHORITY! GUARDS!!"
"Hraaah-hraa-hraa-hraa-hraaa..!"
https://youtu.be/AQ6JnR5TvzM