Skylar may be done with her story but I still have a lot to say. This whole experience has made me reflective. I tried my best to get over Skylar, you know I weighed the pros and the cons. I stayed away from her and tried to heal. I did.
Honest.
I am happy for her, I am. You know I am glad she is finally happy. What we had is over,
Isn't it?
Just being back at school and having her in nearly all my classes... Seeing her adorable face again I felt a horrible dull ache in me. I want to hold her and kiss her and be with her. I want to bask in her warmth and drown in her personality.
I love everything about her.
I love her.
Seeing her all cute and pouty, she and Jade fighting. It's almost too much to bear. When she smiles at me I feel my insides rip in two. Still, I smile back and pretend I am okay. Because that's what you are supposed to do when an ex tries to befriend you.
I want to be her friend; I want to be around her. So that I can always see her cute freckled cheeks turn bright red. See those brilliant blue eyes stare at me in unwavering determination. Hear her voice squeak when she is nervous and watch her stutter her words. I want to watch her subconsciously tuck her red hair behind her ear multiply times a day. I want to see her make the most adorable faces as she gets embarrassed and panics internally. I want to be around her, I want to be her friend... and maybe, I still want to be something more.
I like making her laugh, I like making small talk with her. I like it when her eyes are on me, but then they are not and then they are on Jade. Then the world is a little darker...
So long as she's happy that's all that matters.
Right?
"Is everything going to be okay with us?" She asked.
I shrugged.
I wasn't going to start anything If that's what she means. I mean the last thing I want to do is put myself through all of that again. Right? If that were true I wouldn't be trying to make her laugh and flirting with her. It's over between us, it has to be. She's happy with someone else now.
Eventually, I will have to accept that.
Accept that Jade Tate and Skylar Clifton are together and were probably always meant to be together. That I was never supposed to intervein in that natural paring. I have to accept that she loves someone else, that I fell in love with her and now she loves someone else. She always loved someone else...
"I don't want you to force yourself." She sits down in class.
I can't help but sit next to her. Just so I can look at her every day.
"I'm not. I like being around you. It still stings but I'll get over it, besides you are still a good friend to keep around." I tell her the truth.
"Yeah, I feel the same about you." She smiles.
That smile makes my chest ache.
"Just don't skimp me on the group projects." I poke her in the stomach just to get a reaction out of her.
"Hey, okay." she giggles.
Eventually, I will heal. Eventually, her giggles won't make me all tingly inside. Eventually, her smile won't cause me to melt. Eventually, those blue eyes won't hold as much power over me. Eventually, I'll move on...
Right?
I can't help myself, I want to see her smile. I want to hear her laugh. So even though I know I shouldn't, I flirt with her and poke fun for the rest of the class. Just to get a reaction out of her. We even got in trouble a few times because she was making too much of a scene trying to get me to stop trying to tickle her.
For a moment everything feels right, for a moment the world is bright again. For a moment I can forget we are broken up and that she is with Jade now. I can forget the pain in my chest and the sour taste in my mouth. For a moment, just a single moment, Skylar looks at me just like she used to.
Then the bell rings signaling class is over.
"Darleen!" She pouts as we walk to our next class.
"Sorry I couldn't help it." she makes the best faces; I can't help but laugh.
"You beast!" she playfully smacks my shoulder.
"Guilty as charged." I flirt.
Then to rain on my parade and make my world dark again comes Jade, crashing into my happiness like she's fucking Godzilla. I glare at her but she doesn't notice.
"What class do you have now?" she squeezes in next to Skylar, bumping me out of the way.
"Eep! Jesus, Jade! You scared me." Skylar yelps.
Jade laughs and pokes Skylar in the cheek, which causes her to go red.
"Darleen and I have Nickle's, I think Wini has it too."
"Oh I have him later today, tell me how he is." She casually plays with Skylar's hair, twirling it around her finger.
"Yeah, I'll text you." Skylar doesn't seem to notice.
"K, love you."
She kisses Skylar full on the lips, her eyes darting to me for a second, making sure I watch. I hold back the urge to glare at her. I don't want to give her the satisfaction. Instead, I roll my eyes and pretend it doesn't bother me, even though it boils me on the inside, sizzling like cold water over lava.
She smirks triumphantly at my none reaction, reaction, then she giggles and skips away. Destroying the rest of my happiness on her way out with her Godzilla sized ego.
Skylar is red as a tomato and avoids meeting my eyes.
"Is this going to be an everyday thing?" I can't help but say bitterly.
"Probably, knowing Jade." She says as if it's no big deal.
Of course, Skylar doesn't see the issue because she's Skylar and no one is more oblivious than her. I sigh and we walk to our next class. I can't really flirt with her as much because Wini eyes me every time I even try. Giving me a look of concern. I huff and avoid looking at her. She sighs. Skylar, as usual, doesn't seem to notice a thing.
My next class is a blur as Skylar isn't in it. When lunch comes around I perk up and go to the table, waiting for Skylar to come and sit next to me. I see her walking toward me and I smile but then Jade gets in the way and I watch her convince Skylar to go with her. My smile fades away as Jade drags her away to the other table. I swallow down the bitter taste in my mouth.
"Darleen, that's not healing." Wini sings.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I snap at her.
"Oh yeah, then you shamelessly flirting with Skylar all morning means nothing?" she raised an eyebrow at me.
I shrug and avoid her gaze.
She sighs.
"Dude, you don't want to get into all that again. Trust me. Jade is crazy, she will unleash her crazy on you." Archer warns.
"I'd like to see her try." I roll my eyes.
"Come on, there are tons of other hot girls who I am sure would just love to get a piece of you," Demarcus says.
"I don't care about other girls clamoring over me, I want the one who isn't," I mumble.
"You really want to try that again?" Parece raises an eyebrow at me.
"Just everyone shut up about it okay." I stab my lunch.
They all sigh.
I glance over to Skylar who is showing off her toned stomach to Jade's "friends". Those girls are so fake, they are all guilty of starting the rumor mill about me. All they do is gossip and ruin people's lives, no wonder why Jade fits in so well. She is one of a kind. Just like them.
I sigh and look back at my lunch.
This is going to be a sucky year, I can already tell.
As lunch ends and I head to my next class I catch sight of Aphrodite in the front office, filling out her enrollment paperwork. I think about going to talk to her but then things we did over the summer come back to my mind and I slowly back away. She looks up as if she can sense me and our eyes lock. She forces a smile and I force one myself before waving sheepishly and quickly walking off.
Ugh! What was that!? We are so awkward around each other now. I should have never... forget it. I am not going to think about this. I haven't talked to her in weeks and I am not going to start today.
The rest of the day I try and get Skylar's attention but she seems distracted and her mind is elsewhere. She practically ignores me. I know she isn't doing it on purpose. I can tell by the crease on her forehead which she only gets when she is thinking too hard.
During our last class, aka P.E. I run-up to her and decide to get to the bottom of her mood change.
"Everything okay?" I try to sound casual as we run on the track.
"No! Jade's so ugh! Why does she even hang out with those girls?" Skylar huffed and glared at the ground.
"Who?" I played dumb.
"She's one of them." She said quietly as she pointed ahead of us.
I followed her direction.
"Oh." I narrowed my eyes, Sam. Aka the girl that got us caught in the shower last year and spread the rumor all around the school. Who wouldn't hate people like her? She seems like she doesn't care about you or your problems but somehow, she is always the first to know your secrets and spread them around.
"I don't like them so I told Jade and now I'm getting the silent treatment." Skylar ran a stressed-out hand across her face, wiping her sweat from her forehead.
"Sounds rough," I try to remain indifferent.
"Sorry I didn't mean to unload on you, I'm just frustrated." she sighed.
"I get it. I'm not sure I can provide any good advice though." I shrug. I mean the only advice I would give would be to break up with Jade, and somehow, I feel like that won't blow over well. So, I'll keep it civil.
"Your moral support is enough." She smiles at me.
My heart swells and I feel the butterflies inside my stomach flying around like crazy. I smile back at her. I can feel my face heat up.
"So how's Aphrodite?" She quickly looks away and changes the subject.
"She's uh, around. Her family went back to the UK but she wanted to stay here. She is supposed to enroll in our school today. I saw her in the office earlier. She said her focus will be on singing and music. She used to jumping around schools so it's no big deal to her."
"Oh, well I'm glad." She forced out. Straining her face to force a supportive smile.
She is too adorable. I can help but laugh.
"What?"
"You trying to be all nice, I know you don't like her." I tease.
"Well, you are being nice to me so I am trying to be nice back. Besides I'd take Aphrodite any day over Cassidy." She glowered.
I laugh again, because how can I argue with that logic? She is so adorable.
"Besides I think she likes you, she all but told me. So if she stayed here it can only be for one reason." She eyes me.
Memories of this summer flood into my head, things Skylar doesn't know about. Things I will never tell her. The memory of Aphrodite's lips on mine. I feel my face go bright red.
"You like her back?" She tried to sound nonchalant but I could tell she really wanted to know.
"I don't know, I mean I'm still not over everything, you know? Well, I guess you don't know seeing as you moved on." I say bitterly.
"Hey, if you're not ready, you're not ready we all move at our own speed. Besides, all I am saying is don't be so hung up on that jerk you dated before to see a girl willing to say on this side of the globe for you. There are plenty of other, more responsive fish in the sea. Some even right in front of you." she uses my words against me.
"Yeah, I guess you're right that girl I dated was kind of a jerk huh," I roll my eyes and smile.
"Oh yeah, a real jerk, psh who would ever date her?" she joked around.
"God, I love you." I playfully nudge her.
"But only in a friendly way." She quickly adds.
"Sure, we'll say that." My heart aches and I quicken my pace to get away from her.
I hear her sigh and she runs to catch up to me. I make a game of it and every time she catches up I outrun her again just to tease her. She smiles at me and plays along for the rest of the class period.
I try to catch Skylar one last time before she leaves but she is faster than me and runs across the parking lot to Jade's car. Not even noticing that I was trying to get her attention. I sigh.
"Hey." Someone says behind me and I tense up.
I feel my face heat up and I cringe before turning around to face her.
"Hey." I stuff my hands in my pockets.
"So, how was your first day back?" She asks sweetly with a voice that melts my core.
Damn it, why does she have to have this effect on me? I don't even like her like that. Right?
"Okay, I have a lot of classes with Skylar," I say.
She rolls her eyes at the name. I can't help but glare at her. She sighs when she sees my expression and then walks past me.
"See you tomorrow I guess, call me when you're finally over everything that happened between us." She walks towards her new car.
Her luscious black curly hair blowing in the wind.
"How am I ever going to be over it?" I call after her.
She pauses in her steps.
"You kissed me Darleen, not the other way around. And if I remember correctly you didn't seem to have a problem with what we did until you were reminded you had a girlfriend. You also didn't seem to mind using me all summer to fill a void in you. So if you ask me I'm not the one with the problem. You are." She began to walk again.
"Why didn't you ever tell Skylar?" I walk after her.
"Because I knew you two were about to break up anyway. Anyone could see it. No point in starting unnecessary drama. Although I do wonder what her reaction would be if she found out the real reason you broke up with her was a guilty conscience."
"You aren't going to tell her." I catch her wrist.
She whirls on me and crosses her arms, her auburn eyes turned into slits as she glares at me.
"Are you asking or ordering me?" she asked.
"Aphrodite please," I beg.
"Oh, so you remember my name now?"
"Stop being like this."
"I'm not the one acting weird, you are! I don't regret anything that happened between us, but I can see you don't feel the same. So until you are finally ready to acknowledge me and my feelings and get over that pathetic excuse for a person leave me alone."
"Don't talk about her like that!" I snap at her.
"Okay Darleen, whatever you say." she sighs and stomps away to her car.
My stomach turns and I quickly walk over to my own car. As I get into the driver's seat my eyes catch Sam who is casually standing off to the side. As if she was just hanging around. Our eyes lock, and she smirks at me before casually walking off back into the school.
I glare after her.
Why can't these bitches ever mind their own business? Is it really that hard of a concept to work out? Ugh. I can't let Skylar find out, no matter what. I don't want to hurt her. She'd hate me forever.
I clench the steering wheel and swallow back my tears before putting the car into drive and driving home.
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