(clears throat) ahem.. Hi journal its me again.. Shiiid I know its been quite awhile but I didn't know what else to do. Things have been very very crazy lately.. Honestly like its legitimately too fucking crazy out here.. Even for me, I'm not sure how to explain my feelings but I.. I don't know man it just feels like the walls are closing in on me. My mind has been off the charts busy just thinking. My life is like a movie, I been on my iron man 3 shit. Low key I don't think I've slept in over 73 hours, but who's really counting this ain't nothing new for me. What is new though is that as of late I've been maaaad paranoid, like about everything but mostly just a bunch of bull shit. Usually I'm able to keep it G and just not think about all that shit but for the first time in my life I've been reflecting on my past, on life in general.. Like Real life yuck yo I think my dumb ass is going soft or something because earlier some stupid fuck done got some shit off his chest before I capped his ass. This Shit got me real life sick. See this is exactly why you should never ever talk to the enemy. Just get in and get out. Well anyway it all started on a normal enough Monday, it was late and I was just kickin it as I tend to do. If I could recall correctly I was fuuucked up dare I say stupid turnt? Not to mention that it had to have been like 3:45 AM so admittedly I was beyond faded when received a phone call on my work phone about a friend of ours (we call our targets our friends on the phone for obvious reasons) my captain alerted me about how a good friend of ours has been spotted at the club and was givin orders to go whoop on him because he was behind on some payments ya know the same old whatever. However at this point in time even I'm thinking someone else should probably go and do this but ya know duty calls. Like you can't just say no, you kidding me? I'm a soldier! So of fuckin course I jump on my bike and drive across town to this club to meet that dick head this is also not out of the ordinary for me. I'm basically an enforcer out here its my job to take care of the assholes who ignore our fair warnings. Oh brother let me tell you what, if you're an opp you do NOT want to see me.. I have a bit of a reputation around town. So anyways I pull up on bro as soon as he's walking out. OH! Look at this, what perfect timing! Oh fuck! Jiro No!.. well if it ain't my good friend out partying on a Monday night like doesn't owe me money. How's it going Yaraku? I missed you bro I haven't seen you in awhile you good homie? No I'm not good you just kicked me in fucking face.. OW jiro stop! You been ducking me or what? FUCK you K you guys aren't getting shit. Huh? POP! POP! That was a close one his friend almost head shot me, ooo yikes look at yal now.. Damn I guess we not getting shit! Dumb mfs dead over five grand thats some weak shit they deserve to be in hell. *checks watch* oh shit I'd better get out of here or I'll be late! Its kind of a Busy monday I got an assignment out on the east side of town, then I gotta go scoop Ky and we have to go shoot down some sneak dissin pussies down town then I have a meet with a couple of them spider dudes. I'm not looking forward to that shit I hate those guys, fuck them bugs.. Thinking back on it I knew I had a full plate today I probably should've gotten some rest, I'm high key still kinda drunk but like how the fuck was I supposed to know I'd be on call. Fuck it though I guess this is what these are for!*gulp* by captains order I gotta lift some key information off some fuckin guy whose allegedly got some tabs on another target of ours who has gone into hiding and I heard this guy been pretty tight lipped about it. For his sake he'd better just tell me what I want to hear because he's been green lit if he don't speak up about what the fuck he knows. So I pull up on this dude and I notice right away that this guy can't be that much older than me. Fuckin perfect this should be easy I love a quick mission so I chill for a bit I'm bout tired as fuck for now reason. Most times guys my age aren't that stubborn, torture isn't mfs favorite thing they'd rather just catch a bullet or give it up. This is also why you should never ever see anything or hear anything, the less you know the better off you are trust me you don't wanna know how deep this advice goes. So I figured if apply the pressure right away this kid is definitely gonna crack. I got my ways I've become pretty nifty with a blade. You see its extremely easy to kill a mf with a knife, but I've knocked enough teeth out and broke enough bones to learn that a beating doesn't get fools talking. Now when a mf knows shit? a beating is damn near expected so you gotta get clever with it so I've opted for the non lethal wounds, very painful very effective. So I sneak up behind bro and I just stab him right in the side then I threw his ass right in his car and we drive off. As this dude winces in pain I say look bruh you know why I'm here just tell me where that rat piece of shit is at and this ends here and you can go home tonight and play video games or fuck your girlfriend or what ever it is that you do you don't have to die kid. Kid? First of all KID I'm a double OG BG Vet I used to be a fuckin lieutenant. Like I give a fuck bro you're my target and oh yeah incase you forgot I'd like to mention I'm not the asshole bleeding out in the backseat of my own car. Besides Mr dub if you're so important were was your backup? Huh? Why were you alone on a shitty corner with virtually no traffic? Exactly pussy, thats what I thought.. Hahaha you youngins get more aggressive and more ignorant every new crop. I can tell you fresh meat.. What? They let you take me man. Huh? You already woozy yo? I only stabbed you once and you ain't even gon die you must be off some good shit! Look Even if I told you lil bro you wouldn't understand. So fuck you kid I'm not telling you shit.. Aye man you boutta piss me off with all this kid and lil bro shit first off do you know who I am and second of all I'm a grown ass fucking man I'll cut your dick off and send it to yo moms okay? Ah mambas and cruelty like peanut butter and jelly you hardly the first snake to say that to me do better. OH! You must be crazy watch your mouth! I don't give a fuck anymore kid I'm alive in the flesh but I died a long time ago, if I'm being honest I'm having a great time I haven't felt this alive in years.. Dude are you some kind of freak or something? Nah man just old.. Dude we got to be the same age.. Nahhh no way I see youngin in your face. What the fuck do you mean by that? I'm bout proven as fuck! Man just forget that proven shit now it doesn't mean anything look saying that shit proves to me that you fresh in this game... Kid you probably have no idea who I am or who my uncle is huh? Yea nah and I don't care who you are either but I assume you gonna tell me anyway.. See thats whats wrong with the game. Star players come and they go. But the game never stops because There will always be more players. Once upon a time believe it or not my uncle was the leader of the BG and I was the first lieutenant my life was the shit and everyone knew about me gang loved me and opps feared me.. That sounds like a fucking lie dude. Kid! You got to be fucking kidding me I just put my heart on my sleeve and you shit on me! wow lords I never thought I'd see the day some project kid would mouth off to THE baby face Killa.. That was yo nickname? Weak as fuck.. Crazzzy! I'll fucking kill you lil bro.. Listen here baby nuts I won't say it again watch your fucking mouth! I'm bout sick of your depressed ass! you doing a lot of talking but you ain't saying what I want to hear bruh you starting to get on my nerves you better start leaking locations before I stab yo dumb ass again.. Hahaha! Oh! What the fuck are you laughing at? You dawg.. You just gon have to do what you gotta do because I'm not saying shit. *sighs* look bruh why are you being like this just tell me where your uncle is... Just tell me man look I'm being real with ya right now. Sorry bro I'm not saying anything.. So I lost my patience and I took him to die Ave in the heart of mamba territory to put a little scare into him and fucking nothing. This fuckin guy I swear.. Mf is just sittin there leaking in the back of his own car in deep enemy territory and I'm still no closer to his uncles location, I'm just confused at this point. What the fuck is wrong with you? You've been weird since I met you either you're slow or you fucking with me either way I'm bout sick of your bull shit. I'm just doing my job dude, just like you. Bruh just give it up seriously you can go home tonight you don't have to die, you may be a depressed annoying loud mouth but honestly you gained my respect I fuck with you. Just tell me what I need to know and I'll consider giving you yo whip back..you just don't understand kid they don't give a fuck about me. FUCK this! I lost my temper and I stabbed him again and his stupid ass still says nothing. I'm over this shit bruh I'm just gonna take you to the woods this shit is dead just like you.. Whatever you think is right kid. Damn I was so certain that this threat would get his stubborn ass to spill it. I guess I really gotta kill this guy.. I just find it weird that I find myself hesitant to ice homie this was a first.. But if he doesn't talk he's got to go simple as that. As we drive off I legitimately wonder what makes this guy so willing to be tortured like this. Aye bruh why are you doing all this shit for your uncle, would he do it for you? I'm almost positive he wouldn't. Exactly bitch! So just tell me. I FUCKING can't dawg! What the fuck is up with you dude? Look kid I'm not sure if its because we're bonding or if its because of the extreme blood loss but you seem like a good kid. I can see that you're a good soldier. Earlier you said real talk well man to man I know you're just doing your job but please understand kid im doing mine. But the difference between you and me is that I'm at the end of my rope. I am 26 years old kid, how about you? Well not that its any of your business but I'm 20. Yup I'll lay it out for you its not too late but you're cutting it close, you can either put this in the past or the past will eat you alive. I'm serious. Fuck off bro what do you know. A lot kid, let me guess you still believe in the cause don't you? I mean I guess, I really do it mainly for the paper unless thats the cuase. You're getting it, how long before money doesn't matter anymore kid? Shiiid never thats the only thing that matters you must just be a broke bitch. Okay fine you got me but You still don't get it kid. Its my job to die! They sold me out! My own uncle! do money matter that much? He raised me and I loved him yet here I am he fucked up not me yet here I am doing my job, dying for my gang. Bro thats awful my gang would never do that we're family! My blood did this to me! your ignorance is almost cute. You think you doing this for your family? You'll soon learn that you do this because you literally cannot do anything else. You starting to piss me off bruh watch your mouth. They own your soul kid you know it they know it. Shut the fuck UP! Do yourself a favor kid runaway. Now is the time for reflection you'v donI e nothing important. I told you to shut your fucking mouth dude! I thought you seemed like a decent enough person and you didn't have to die today but honestly I don't give a fuck anymore! POP!POP! POP! That fuckin guy was a trip it almost feels like he wanted me to do that shit. Well fuck him I've got more shit to do. That shit took way longer than it was supposed to and to make matters worse I gotta go meet up with Ky and I got this body and buddies car and lastly my underboss says we have to dump bodies in designated areas because the block is hot or some shit so there's another trip.. Like I can never just fucking chill I always got some shit going! I then proceeded to scoop K, from there we dumped the body. Yeesh you did a number on buddy! I hope it was worth it. Ky don't even get me started it wasn't worth it at fucking all nothing but a waste of time. I figured it wasn't you seem upset dawg, you good? Yea I'm fine I didn't sleep last night.. Oh brother you was getting too fucked up with her again weren't you? Yeah so? Look man don't get me wrong Rurizu is our friend but she's no fuckin good bro. Oh yeah? And what do you know about good Ky? Woah I'm just sayin jiro, don't get testy now you my dawg I just noticed that she's a bad influence on you man.. Dare I say She drags you down. Man if you don't shut the fuck up! I don't see you complaining when she plugs you shit and gets you in to the best clubs in the city you rude fuck I outta throw you in the river. Alright alright don't flip your lid son speaking of the club we still goin out after work? Shiiiid you know it brother todays been bout stressful as fuck I could use the unwind.. Why do we even have a designated dump should've left this boy where you dropped him. Shit man agreed but I'm just doin what I'm told. I feel, eww look at this asshole. What? its just a dead body.. Yeah, yo blood be looking funny in water. Huh? Ha, it looks like when you played with red food coloring in water when you was a kid. Ky, you're a strange dude. Yeah, whatever let's get work over with I'm fiendin to hit the club.. We put that work in but I couldn't stop thinking about that guy what he said was bothering me. I was even thinking of him at the club, that shit was pissing me off I just figured I wasn't high enough. But I was just agitated I even kicked a mf in the head. I'm just going through a full fledged freak out. I just had to go home. I was even freaking out at home, then I started having vivid flashbacks. MAKE it STOP Ahhhhh! Go away! Get out of hereeee! In a fit of rage I destroyed my house. I'm not a bad person! I couldn't stop thinking about the people I've killed it felt like their souls were torturing me! Nah I'm fine I'm fine. Its just my mind creating fake demons. Yeah thats it. And thats when I saw him again. I'd recognize that smile anywhere.. He giggled then looked at me and said why hello jiro long time no see kid.. Oh nahh I definitely went off the deep end I've totally lost it. *Ciudad Fria, Fria, USA 2017*
(clears throat) ahem... Hi journal it's me again..
A Young man struggles with life's cruel realities whilst juggling relationships with himself and others. Join kamajiro on his journey exploring the highs and pitfalls of street life! Buckle up we're in for quite the ride.