A look of immediate understanding crossed Cam's beautiful face before he said “yeah that would be a dirty trick” just as his features became a stone cold mask hiding his true emotions.
“Yeah, I knew that would give you the push you needed. Just know I'm gonna use my emotions too so it should be a fair enough fight” I said before launching myself at Cam again. After some time had passed sensei called “alright, that's enough for tonight” before signaling for a student to ring the gong again. As we passed sensei, he asked “are you two alright? Seemed like you had an argument there at the beginning.”
“Yes sensei, everything is fine. Cam was just worried that he hit me too hard since I've been out all week” I said covering for both of us.
“Ah, okay. You boys be careful and get home safe” sensei said with a dismissive wave.
“Yes sensei,” we said in unison and then continued to the locker rooms. After we showered and changed, I asked “will Jonathan be waiting for you?”
“I don't think so. He didn't say anything before he left earlier and I don't have any messages” Cam said checking his phone before slipping it into his jeans pocket.
“Maybe he is trying to give us room to talk without an audience” I said sitting on the bench in front of our lockers and looking at my hands.
“Yeah maybe. Does that mean you're ready to talk?” he asked turning to face me after locking his locker.
“I can try. You know I've never been good at that” I said still looking at my hands.
“Well, then lets try while we walk home. We could even get food at the pancake shop and talk there” he said putting his back to the lockers.
“Okay,” I said before getting up to lock my locker. As we left the Do Jo, I was quiet until Cam paused in front of the shop. Pointing at it with his thumb, he said “lets sit and talk.” Without a word, I moved towards the building. Once inside, we were greeted by our favorite waitress,Tess, who told us our table was empty and to seat ourselves.
As we made our way to the table, I looked around at everyone at the surrounding table. Noticing the nearest person was seated three tables away, I exhaled knowing we wouldn't be overheard. Taking our seats, I decided to give Hayden some time to get his thoughts together. After Tess came to confirm our orders and left again, I asked “are you ready to talk?”
“I guess, there's still some things I don't understand myself though” he said.
“Would it help if I asked specific questions to start?” I asked.
“Yeah maybe though I'm not sure I'll have specific answers” Hayden said looking at his hands beneath the table.
“Why do you keep doing that? The only times you could look me in the eye were when you were angry or back at the do jo” I asked a little annoyed.
“I can't look at you without wanting to kiss you but since you have Jonathan that's not fair to any of us” he said looking embarrassed.
Shocked I asked, “is that why you always look pissed when you see us together?”
“Pretty much though I'm pretty sure it's just a shield to hide what I'm really feeling” Hayden said still refusing to look at me.
“Why did you go to the roof the day I found you up there crying?” I asked after our food had been delivered.
“Because I needed to be alone but I wanted to be somewhere that meant something to us” he said looking at me when he said the last part before looking away again.
“You said seeing Jon and I kissing made you realize your true feelings for me. How? Explain it to me” I said wanting to know what had changed for Hayden.
“You guys had been acting weird that morning. So, when I went to get lunch I had a bad feeling. I made it to the store but turned around almost immediately and headed back to class. When I saw you guys weren't there, I went to the roof. As I climbed the stairs, I heard you guys talking. I couldn't hear word for word until I go closer but I wasn't paying much attention until I opened the door” he explained. As tears began to fall down his face, he continued “Seeing you two there kissing felt like I had been punched in the gut and my heart ripped out. For a minute I couldn't move or even breath, all I could do was let my tears fall. When I could move again, I bolted to the nearest unused classroom and hid there crying. That's when I told you I wasn't coming to practice and went home. When I got there, Amy knew something was up but I told her to finish her lesson and went to my room and cried some more. I couldn't stop crying that night. Hell, I've cried myself to sleep for the entire week.” As Hayden talked, I sat in a stunned silence realizing that my best friend really was in love with me and felt betrayed. Not knowing what to say, I stayed quiet for a bit fiddling with my glass until only one word came to mind and I asked “why?”
Finally looking at Cam, I saw the pain, happiness, confusion, and guilty cross his face.
“Why?” I asked, “why what? Why now? Why you?”
“All of the above,” he said his voice cracking and tears falling again. Looking away I said, “well I guess on some level I've always been in love with you, I've just been too afraid to admit it to you or myself. You're smart, funny, sexy as hell” I said causing Cam to laugh through his tears, “you're good at almost everything you try, and when you decide something you always give it your all. There were so many times when I was watching you get ink done, I couldn't help but stare at you not the work being done but you. That's why I would keep talking, trying to distract myself. You're incredible. I guess this would be considered my confession” I said looking at Cam again as I finished talking to see him blushing with both hands covering his mouth and nose still crying.
“Are you okay?” I asked after he didn't move for another few minutes.
“Wow, I thought I was the only one who felt that way for so long. I had honestly never even hoped or dreamed that you'd feel the same way about me that I do for you” Cam finally said from behind his hands.
“I honestly didn't know I could feel this way about anyone. I've never even felt this way about any of my girlfriends. Every time I see you kiss Jonathan, I can't help but wish it was me in your arms instead of him” I said tears trickling down my face. Wiping my face with my left hand, I looked at Cam and said “if this is making things too complicated, I can keep my distance for a while.”
“No please, you don't have to do that unless it would be more comfortable for you. I just need a little more time to get my head together and figure out how I'm feeling” Cam said shaking his head before adding “I'm so happy and I love you so much. I just need to get passed the initial shock.”
“Yeah I understand. I don't really understand how I feel yet either. I just know I can't stand to see you with anyone else” I said looking at Cam. As we got up to leave the restaurant, Tess came over to say goodbye. Waving, Cam walked passed and made his way outside. As I made to follow, Tess stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm and asked “hey I know it may be none of my business but you guys are my favorite customers and things looked really tense and awkward earlier. Are you guys okay?”
“We'll be okay. It's just some stuff we have to work through” I said with a small smile to ease her worried mind.
“Okay if you're sure,” Tess said letting go of my arm.
“Thanks for worrying about us though Tess” I said and then turned to leave. Heading out of the restaurant, I noticed that Cam had stopped to wait for me.
“Everything okay?” he asked as soon as he noticed me.
“Yeah, Tess was worried about us” I explained looking down the street.
“Really?” I asked looking at the side profile of Haydens’ face confused.
“Yeah, she noticed the awkward tension between us” he explained still looking down the street aware that I was watching him.
“Oh” I whispered then looked away. We remained standing there in silence for another minute before Hayden asked “shall we?” and gestured down the road. Without waiting for an answer, he started walking knowing I’d follow. After a few minutes, he said “I really don't wanna stay away. We haven't been apart since we were little and it would just be weird but maybe that's what we need to figure out how we feel.” We went back to walking in silence until we made it to the middle of the park when I suddenly stopped walking. After a few more steps, Hayden stopped and turned to look at me.
“I wanna hear you say it. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me how you feel about me” I said with tears running down my face. Walking back to stand in front of me, Hayden looked me in the eyes and said “Cam you are the most amazing person I've ever met and I don't care what anyone else says or thinks about us.” Then reaching up to caress my cheeks with both hands, he continued “Cameron Peyton Marcus, I love you” his voice cracking and tears beginning to form as he said it.
Unable to control myself so close to Cam, I kissed him lightly on the lips before stepping away and turning to leave. Before I could take another step, Cam grabbed my hand. Then moving to stand behind me, he said “I don't care what anyone else says or thinks either because I love you too, Hayden Stephan Andrews. I've loved you for the last ten years.” Squeezing his hand once before letting go, I started walking again with Cam following behind me in silence. Saying goodnight, we both entered their homes.
-Haydens’ Point of View-
As I made my way to the stairs, mom called for me from the living room. Moving towards the entry way of the living room, I said “yes ma'am” as I looked around at my parents and sister.
“Your grandfather fell today and broke his hip. He's going to need someone to care for him for the next year while he heals and goes to physical therapy. Neither your father nor I can take off work to care for him so we're sending you. Go pack and your father will be taking you there tonight so you can get settled before your grandfather gets out of the hospital the day after tomorrow” mom said before turning to talk to dad.
“Can I ask what am I supposed to do about school?” I asked and glanced at Amy who immediately understood my concerns.
“Don't worry about that. I'll take care of the paperwork to transfer you into the online courses offered by your school so you won't miss anything being taught while you're away. Now go get packed” mom answered before going back to the conversation she was having with dad. Glancing at Amy, I gestured towards the stairs then turned to leave. Excusing herself, Amy followed me to my room.
“Hey, are you okay? Did something happen on the way home?” Amy asked as I placed my book bag on my desk and began adding books to it.
“Yeah and no, we talked on the way home. We both admitted how we felt about each other but he's still technically got a boyfriend” I said on a sigh while I worked.
“And now you have to deal with all of this and don't even have time to talk to him” Amy finished the thought she knew was running through my head.
“Yeah,” I said with another sigh and looked out the window towards Cams' room where I could see him pulling books out to do homework.
“It'll be okay. I'll find him tomorrow and explain what's going on” Amy said pulling my suitcase out of my closet.
“Actually, can you wait a few day. I told him that maybe we need some time apart to be sure of our feelings” I said as I began pulling clothes out of my dresser.
“Okay. I'm sure he'll notice you're not here in a few days. Won't he think you're running away again?” she asked as she put the suitcase on the bed and moved to pick up my laptop bag.
“Yeah maybe. I just hope he doesn't hate me for being away for so long given everything he's gone through recently” I said slumping onto my bed next to my suitcase and pile of clothes. Kneeling in front of me, Amy placed both hands on my knees and said “I'm sure that won't be the case. He might be a little mad at first but he's loved you for so long why would he hate you for something you have no control over.”
“I guess you're right. Keep an eye on him for me will you” I asked knowing I didn't even need to.
“Of course, you know I will” she answered trying to make me feel better. After a few minutes passed, she went on “I can't believe you'll be gone for a year.”
“Neither can I. I may only be physically gone for a year but I think I'll probably end up finishing junior year online too so I won't be returning to school until the beginning of senior year... I just wish I could tell Cam myself though” I said as I began refolding my clothes to fit them into my suitcase.
“Why don't you take a few minutes and write him a note. Don't worry I'll make sure mom doesn't see it and I'll be sure to give it to him in a few days” she suggested moving back to the desk to pack up my laptop and charger cords.
“Okay, I just don't wanna do it in a text message and I'm not sure I should interrupt his studying to call and tell him” I said looking over at Cam again who looked deep in thought.
“I'll try to send you pictures of him as often as I can without it being like weird stalker-ish type photos” she giggled.
“Yeah okay. Can you hand me that notebook and a pen?” I asked thinking about how to word what I wanted to say to make it clear. Taking the pen and notebook from Amy I opened it and began writing. After a few minutes, I tore out the page and folded it then standing I walked over to the desk and opened the top drawer. Making sure Amy was watching, I tucked the note inside one of my journals that was inside the drawer and then closed it.
“Please don't read it. Wait until he asks about me again before giving it to him. I know it could be some time before that happens but please give him time to come to you first” I asked knowing she would comply with my wishes even if she didn't agree.
“Okay, though I still think you should at least call him” she said nodding.
Moving to stand behind Amy, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and laying my head on her left shoulder said “I'm gonna miss you and Cam so much” before beginning to cry.
“It'll be okay little brother and you know we can talk everyday” she said rubbing my arm before patting it to get me to loosen my grip before turning to hug me. After a few minutes, we went back to getting my stuff packed and twenty minutes later we were done. Making sure I had everything, I grabbed my book bag, laptop bag, and suitcase. With a final glance at the window where I could see Cam studying, I shut off the light and left my room heading for dads dark metallic blue Highlander. Loading my stuff, I hugged my mom and Amy then hopped into the passenger seat. Rolling down the window, mom approached and said “now behave and try not to be too much trouble when your grandfather gets home. Oh, and I'll put money in your account every month to take care of anything you need okay.”
“Yeah, thanks mom. Love you, Love you Amy” I called as dad began backing out of the driveway.
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