And then I had the best sleep I might've had in forever.

No melatonin needed.

Actually woke up after the sun had risen and got out of bed before 10 AM. I'm not as anxious as I thought I'd be whenever my email made a pop-up.

I watched the new episode of Helluva Boss, Season 2, Episode 3. Seeing Moxxie deal with his father reminded me a little of my own family and what I overcame. Also, Millie FINALLY got the spotlight and she shone, baby!

It inspired me to take a little trip to the mall for clothes shopping.

This was hell, before. Just another aspect my family tended to control about me. Being non-binary didn't help, but it did help me understand why I felt uncomfortable shopping in the gender-I-was-assigned-to section. Like I didn't fit or was intruding.

I think my family tried to help, however, their way was either shoving clothes in my arms and pushing me into the changing rooms before I even got 2 seconds to look myself. I didn't figure out what my size was until today - Large or 36-32. Yeah, I'm overweight and don't got long legs. I don't mind, since I naturally gain and lose weight depending on the year.

Another way they tried to help was by telling me they were gonna respect my journey, not push what they think I should wear onto me, and give me space - and then try to gift me clothes, very much NOT giving me space.

Honestly, if I knew how futile my attempts to communicate were, if I really understood that their shitty egos were hardwired to their idea of 'I know best' atitude, making bad decisions that they could've avoided if they just talked with me but didn't because that would mean that they would have to do the oh-so-terrible thing and respect my wishes - not that they'd do that even when I straight-up told them 'no'.

But I'm getting into negative shit.

Today was nice because I finally got to indulge in a little more freedom. I got a chance to face one of those poisonous assholes and push back without worrying about them abusing any power they had over me yesterday, and today I got to indulge in some much-needed freedom by getting my own clothes.

My wardrobe in now a mix of clothes from the female and male sections - and I fit into every one of them.