I just said something that perfectly articulated my feelings about a situation. It made me feel really happy.

I forgot what I said now, but in that moment, I felt like I just made a small victory.

I feel sick after all that ranting and I'll probably be sick for the rest of the day, but I think that's a fine trade off, cuz you know what? I owe it to myself to understand how I feel and all the progress I've done to get to this point. In fact, I even said "Fuck you, (family member)" around my apartment while doing a couple of chores and it felt good. I worked for over 10 years to get to the point where I have the freedom and space to express how I really feel and heal. Although, I think some of this anxiety is coming from a belief that I may have to face her, again. I'm still not secure enough because my job doesn't give me a scheduled paycheck yet, but I'm applying for other jobs now that Spring is coming and things are reopening.

I've also noticed that I'm not doing the rantings as often. I'm still trying to keep up with the Fuck-Feeling-Sorry-For-Myself Shadow Work challenge and I'm getting a little better at taking some time in a day to forget the past and take advantage of my freedom to do something I like.

Now I'm thinking of another challenge where I take some time in the day to embrace past memories and feelings, but with a focus on creating more of those euphoric moments where I can articulate those feelings. I'll decide later if I want to share them here, because they might get very personal. This is a good place to record my thoughts, but I also have private journals I prefer to write in other times.